To wonder if this is normal mum life (6 month old)?

[Bethymum]

I’m struggling and feel like I’m the only one.

I’m struggling to do the following:
-Find time to cook/eat
-Go to the toilet
-Just sit down for a bit while he does something independently

As a result I’m losing weight and just generally not healthy, losing hair also and skin is bad.

He is quite a fussy baby I suspect due to his temperament but also food allergy (in the process of investigating), but I’m so drained. I feel like a failure because everyone talks about the newborn stage and so at 6 months I feel like I shouldn’t be finding it so hard still. I suppose the main thing is I’m constantly rushing and so I never feel calm and it’s started to take its toll. For example I might rush to put some clothes on before he starts getting upset that I’m not carrying him etc

I am rambling but I suppose my question is. Is it normal to wonder if this is normal mum life? How people cope with multiple children is beyond me. I have a lot of family support and my husband is great but I still feel overwhelmed. I feel like my other nct mums for example seem like they have it together and I’m so frazzled :( I had a successful career before and it feels weird to feel so rubbish at something. I am trying so hard. The house is also an absolute tip now as I can’t find the time to do any tidying.

The baby stage is hard! Not just the newborn stage. They want to be carried all the time, they can't tell you what's wrong. Sometimes there is nothing particularly wrong, they just want to be held. You're not doing anything wrong it just is tough. Especially if he is experiencing discomfort with allergies. And other mums may be handling it fine but they may not and are just putting on a front. Try to enjoy what you can (although lots of it is tough) and know that this too shall pass 😊

As a result I’m losing weight and just generally not healthy, losing hair also and skin is bad.
This is possibly down to hormone changes and poor nutrition but I'd go to see the GP.

Otherwise, it's normal and doesn't last forever. You can ignore the baby if you have to. You're the boss. You need to eat and sleep.

Thank you, breastfeeding and stopped eating dairy which massively restricted what I could eat

Yes this is normal. Some of it depends on the temperament of your child so some people will probably be along soon to say it isn’t but my child certainly was like this and still is to an extent so I found it very hard to get anything done like cooking etc having previously been a cook from scratch kind of person. It is super hard so please give yourself some grace

You're doing great but remember the advice to put on your own mask before helping others? You can't look after anyone else unless you look after yourself. You CAN put the baby down for a bit to wash, shower, eat. If he doesn't really need feeding or nappy changing, he's just used to being 'on' you, which you can change. Put him down (and I had a really clingy baby, its hard I know) and look after yourself.

Mine were not like this. When I showered I put them in the bouncer on the bathroom floor, they could see me through the shower screen. When I cooked/ate, they were in the crib or bouncer or on the floor. And so on. I couldn't do slings (physical issue) so I did this from day 1 so they were used to it and quite happy, but even if they had cried I still would have eaten and washed while they cried.
If you are stressed and unhappy that will impact your baby. It is better for them to cry for ten minutes a few times a day (whilst you talk to them from the shower/stove) and to have a happy healthy mother. They might cry for a while, but they'll get used to it and you will all be much happier long term.

There is absolutely nothing happy about eating while your baby is crying. I know MN advises this a lot but I felt physically sick when my baby was crying. 1-2 minutes, fine. 10 minutes or long enough to eat a meal? I'd probably vomit it all out from stress.

Also, I also had a CMPA baby. Until we sorted out his allergy, he screamed for HOURS. Evenings especially from 6pm - midnight. Hours. Never happy in the day either. Upset during and after feeds. It's nothing like having a normal baby.

Sounds very similar to my experience. It could be that your little one is about to get his first tooth, could be developmental, could be temperament. I find it comes and goes. Little one is 20 months and I do find it gets easier and harder all the time, in different ways 🤣

make sure you’re fully dosed up on vitamin D, iron m, omega 3 for the skin and hair and general wellbeing. Breastfeeding really takes it out of you. I looked on the packet of my multivitamin and it hardly contained anything! So def double check.

my last tip, learning how to put baby on my back in a soft structured buckle carrier - game changer. I could stick him up there for 45-1hr and potter around the house. Even just put my headphones on and an audiobook for 20 mins. He was happy, I could sort of tidy for a bit, I was hands free.

I just left mine to cry if I needed to eat or get dressed. Im not allowing a baby to run my life for me. He's 42 now and is just fine.

The whole first year is pretty tough going. As time goes on you'll have more good moments than hard ones.

I've never left my children to cry, that would've had a significant negative impact on my stress levels. I appreciate that it works for some families, but it's not a failure if you choose not to do that.

Do you have a partner or anyone who supports you at home? I found it easier to shower/get dressed when DH was home and could watch the baby. He also used to make me a meal or a sandwich and leave it in the fridge before he went to work.

Is baby mobile yet? They don't play independently for quite a while yet but when I found the rolling/crawling started, I could sit on a chair for a bit while they practiced that.

On the hair loss, I went to the GP for blood tests around 5-6 months postpartum as my hair was falling out in clumps and I just felt horrendous. Turned out I had an iron and vitamin D deficiency and taking supplements (you can get them at the supermarket) - on top of my breastfeeding vitamins - made a massive difference really quickly.

Finally, I know (because I've had friends telling me) that to the outside world I look like I've got everything under control - the reality is I am also frazzled, I just don't go out unless I feel fully prepared! So please don't feel like you can't speak to your friends about how you're feeling. It's totally normal.

I think this totally depends on the baby though. DD was very hard work, she wouldn't just cry a little like some babies it was full in distress and tears. No way could I just leave her to cry, even my NCT friends where surprised when they first sore her cry.

Consequently we didn't bond as a group as I just didn't feel they new what I was having to cope with. OP read DrSears, The fusy baby book, after I read that it made so much more sense. And I also found a group of mums who seemed to understand what I was going through.

Oddly enough she didn't put us off having a second baby and DS was so much more relaxed as a baby he seemed easy in comparison. We probably did have a slight bigger age gap then I'd first thought though due to how little DD slept.

Yes, weirdly I’m not put off having a second! I think a back carrier would help a lot. I find it hard to leave him crying which is why I’m always rushing, I know babies won’t be harmed from a bit of crying but I just find it too stressful to listen to. I’m going to take some vitamins too.

Mine was like this. I lost a lot of weight too. Eventually I was able to have a shower with them in a little laundry bowl thing right beside me, getting wet too. Also eventually they started to watch television so that allowed me to maybe do a little bit of tidying, or put some laundry on/hang it out/fold it up - but like you, I had to do everything all in a rush. Their dad worked nights and slept all day, so no help there. It was really, really hard. I now suspect my child may have ADHD or ADD which is why they wanted/needed my attention constantly. And I mean constantly.

I went back to work 2 days per week at 5 months. It means I can drink a coffee in peace with adult company! For me it got easier when he could crawl at 6 months because he was less frustrated. Meals are still mostly toast. I take him with me to the shower in his highchair and we walk to the shop every day for some fresh air.

Sounds totally normal. Mine are 7, 4 and 1 and the 'constantly rushing' feeling has been my life for over 7yrs now tbh. The older two are a lot more independent now of course but the 1yo is still super needy, also mobile and just cnt be left anyway unless contained and then usually screams blue murder. But yes I did leave all my children for a few mins here or there to shower, get dressed, make a sandwich or hot drink and eat and drink them, yes, if I had to. I don't like to and I'd try to avoid it but sometimes it's unavoidable. I wouldn't miss a meal or get a headache from being dehydrated or skip going out somewhere (which is what lack of getting dressed or whatever would lead to) just to avoid a few mins crying much as I'd hate to listen to it. The baby will be absolutely fine afterwards once comforted.

My DC1 cried most of the time anyway tbh until they were about 1. DC2 was the easiest one of the three. DC3 in between but on the flip side the worst sleeper and would often scream hysterically for hours and hours at night, still does sometimes. So yeah I know what that's all like too. That all does get easier as they age.

Sending you so much support and recognition.

My first was exactly like this. I was convinced I was a shit mum because I was finding it harder than other people. Now I have my second and have realised just how difficult my first was. And that I'm not a terrible mum. It is genuinely easier having two now than it was having him as an under 1. Chances are its not you its the baby you have.

He's the most adorable three year old now.

You're doing a great job, youre taking care of your child, checking out allergies. Not easy, but you're a great parent

I don't think it's normal to be so pushed for time that you can't eat and lose weight.

Does he nap during the day?

Remember that it's fine for him to cry because he's not being held/entertained all the time. Don't leave him crying from hunger or fear or a dirty nappy or anything, but if he's fine when you're holding him and cries when put down then there is nothing wrong with him. He just prefers being held and that's fine, but not to the extent that you get ill/have a breakdown/die. The consequences of that are far worse than grumbling for ten minutes while you eat a sandwich.

The best thing you can do for your child is look after your physical and mental health. It's like on a plane, put your mask on first.

Re CMPA, I also breastfed and my baby was very allergic to dairy, soy and eggs so i was on quite a restricted diet from about 8 weeks. Put in the effort to get used to the new diet and you'll be fine. Get good olive oil and coconut oil im the house. Oatmilk is better than other veggie milks. Rope Dh in for help, prep some meals.

Once you look into it, there really are a lot of dairy free foods out there.

And careful when weaning, a random teaspoon of yogurt landed us in hospital as baby couldn't stop vomiting.

This sounds normal to me, but you quickly learn you don't need to be holding/entertaining baby 24/7.

When mine was that tiny, I used to pop her on her play mat, and just sit on the floor next to her with a cuppa and a sandwich. Gives you five minutes peace to eat something, and they get to have a practice at rolling around, building strength ready to crawl, play with some toys, etc. Or if you're BLW it's a great idea to eat sat in front of baby when they eat, so they can learn from you.

You don't need to feel guilty, it's actually good for their development to learn to play alone and entertain themselves. A little playpen or travel cot downstairs is also very helpful if you need to nip to the loo, grab a drink, tidy up around baby and still keep an eye on them!

For breastfed babies this is normal. Well done though, I’m in awe of women who breastfeed for the full 6 months. 4 months was the longest I’ve gone, then 3 months, due my 3rd (and my last) and will give it everything to try! I also had a CMPA baby and going dairy free would have been impossible if my DH wasn’t home to do all the cooking.

I don’t know what it is - maybe the bonding/attachment side of feeding, or that they’re full and content, but whenever I moved onto formula it just became easy. 4 hourly 10 min feeds and very happy to be in the bouncer or playmat all day! As opposed to CONSTANT feeding and needing to be held which is exhausting. You just can’t leave the house or do anything. You’re amazing and it’ll get better when they’re weaned.

Unless you want a really clingy baby you need to step back a little...I mean for all our olders I never felt like this, they knew when mummy puts you down then entertain yourself for a few minutes while I eat or wash etc..now our youngest are twin 6months and a 15 month old and same they are all bf tho 15 month less so now but ye down they go on play mats or into there swing chairs while I plod about doing whatever. Only cry first time then realise it won't get a carry every second lol

Just put mine down and had a playpen.
One was a calmer content baby, the other less so but I just wasn’t going to carry them all the time.

When I was very young I saw a cartoon in Punch and it was of a massive baby sat on throne, crown on it head with its parents prostrating themselves at its feet. That image stuck with me. I could tell the very different cries mine had.

@JustMe2026 good heavens, have you really got six month old twins plus a fifteen month old toddler?

Argh.

Vitamins and supplements are saving me! Check with your GP of course and make sure you don't have doses too high but each day I take ashweganda (prevents anxiety), magnesium (energy and calm), zinc (immune system), pregnancy vitamin, iron (prevent maternal depletion syndrome), calcium (vital since you've cut out dairy), vitamin D (helps absorb calcium, gives energy, helps immunity).

I bought a dosette box with 14 compartments in amazon, so once every 2 weeks I fill up the dosette box again when I have a quiet moment. That way I just take the supplements from one compartment each day with a meal.

Apparently iron is really effective for postpartum mums to prevent fatigue.

And since you've cut out dairy like me, the calcium and vitamin D (to help you absorb the calcium) are really important, especially now it's winter!

But of course check with your GP because it's not great for your kidneys to be on so many supplements forever, but while breastfeeding (which takes a huge toll on your micronutrients) I'm noticing a huge difference