To think adulthood has become far too therapy-speak centric?

[CleverGoldSwan]

Every discussion now seems to involve “trauma,” “boundaries,” “emotional labour,” “attachment styles,” etc. I’m not dismissing mental health at all but AIBU to think we’re pathologising normal human frustrations?
Not everything is a wound that needs unpacking.

Sometimes things are just life.

Really? Are your friends in therapy or something? Don't think this has ever happened to me! Don't you just discuss the weather, how busy town is, Christmas? It does sound like you need new mates!

It very much depends on the context surely?

Agreed. But not my friends, more younger people than me. Speaking about validating their feelings etc

I’m not talking about everyday small talk, of course people still chat about normal things.
I mean when conflict, disagreement or ordinary stress comes up, the language used to interpret it increasingly defaults to therapy frameworks rather than common sense, resilience or context. It’s more noticeable online and in advice spaces than over coffee chats but it does bleed into real life.

I have found that younger people who I chat with speak like this. They are all more tech savvy than me as well. 🙃
My 40 year old friends (and older) don't tend to use these phrases.
It's different strokes for different folks.
Maybe it's a generational thing? 🤷‍♀️

@CleverGoldSwan

Yes, context matters. I’m talking about situations where everyday disagreements or discomforts are immediately framed in clinical or therapeutic language, rather than being handled as normal human interactions.

Is it overuse or is it appropriate use of language to describe what people experience and have experienced? A great many humans are awful to others, and many people don't realise how badly they are treated because they've never known any different.

Oh God yes.

It seems to start before adulthood as many teenagers are all about 'My truth' and 'My journey' etc.

It seems to be learned internet speak.

Or this generation is just better at communicating and talking about their feelings instead of the generation before us who were taught to never talk about our feelings or what’s going on in the home and as a result they suffered in silence, lived miserable lives and passed on the traumas that you’re talking about people currently voicing.

Yes, I think that’s a big part of it. It does feel generational, especially with how much therapy language circulates online now. Different norms, different vocabularies.

Well just tell people who talk like this that their conversation is a pain in the arse then. Or just nod and disengage from it.

I think it should be more therapy like. Up with emotional intelligence and being aware of our behaviours! Up with boundaries and self care!

Been reading Larkin?

I think it can be both. For some people, that language is genuinely helpful in naming experiences they didn’t previously have words for, especially where harm or dysfunction was normalised. My point isn’t that the language itself is wrong but that it sometimes gets applied so broadly that everyday discomforts or disagreements are framed as pathology. That’s where I think it tips from useful into overused.

I have worked with a few arty farty types (culture and heritage) who very much speak like that too and they're mostly over 40 and 50.

Yeah, I’ve got a friend who uses this sort of language.

I agree. I’d add “toxic” to that word list.

Well, ‘my truth’ and ‘my journey’ certainly aren’t therapy speak’.

What drives my husband mad is everyone on any kind of reality programme (Race Across the World, Strictly etc) saying how proud they are of themselves " I'm really proud of myself". It really winds him up for some reason 😄

I grew up with cold distant parents. I am the opposite and am very close to my young adult children and we discuss emotions and I am supportive. However, I’m slightly losing patience with my 21-year-old daughter who if I even starts to disagree with something, accuses me of invalidating her feelings or other such transgression.

Tbh it’s not this type of language specifically I find annoying, even though it really can be, it’s the endless focus on “me, me, me”.

Not to be dismissive of seriously debilitating mh conditions. But speaking about the struggles we all face, I think if someone hasn’t worked out by the age of forty that they will feel better if they don’t focus on themselves all of the time, then I think they are probably in trouble!

I know this goes against most modern thinking and therapeutic guidance, but I honestly believe it to be true. We obviously have to have reasonable boundaries, I am not talking about martydom, but we all need to get out of our own heads so much!

A 60 year old relative talks like this to me. They watch a LOT of TikTok

I’m with your dh 100% on this!

A bit of self doubt is healthy!

I know quite a few people who have got/had PTSD mostly self diagnosed
Me, I just had a bit of bad luck which led to a shit situation that I just dealt with for many years. Could it be classed as traumatic - yes on multiple occasions and many levels. Do I need to label it? No, I'm fine accepting that sh*t happens.

I don't think it's surprising that lots of people are aware of the language used to describe trauma at all. I am disappointed there is so little compassion.

I think a lot of people have experienced awful things, and have some mental health issues, and got counselling or therapy of some kind, or maybe just searched for advice on the internet..

Somehow people always seem to think bad stuff happens to a very few people. Those people over there somewhere. Definitely not your own neighbour, or your work colleague, or your cousin. Those people you actually know must just be making a fuss and putting it on. Right? 🙄

When stats such as those below report 29% of adults were abused as a child, who do you think these 1 in 3 people are? Of course they are your neighbour, your friend, your colleague, your relative..

emotional abuse was the most commonly experienced abuse type (22.7%, 10.6 million people), followed by physical abuse (16.5%, 7.7 million people), sexual abuse (9.1%, 4.3 million people) and neglect (7.6%, 3.6 million people)

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/bulletins/abuseduringchildhoodinenglandandwales/march2024