First time out out as a single person in 20 years!

[SadNutter]

So I’m recently seperated and have a christmas party tomorrow night with work something which I usually avoid, but this year I decided hell why not but now its come to it I’m nervous as hell! I never really went out without my husband while we were together so the thought of walking into the venue on my own, making conversation etc. really scares me!

I need some positive encourgement!

They are all your colleagues, not strangers.

Go spend time with the ones you like.

Don't get too pissed, never be the most drunk in the room

Have a good night

This is PERFECT advice.

And make sure you stay more sober than your boss!

Go and have an amazing time!! Wear something you feel fabulous in. Enjoy!

Kindly I do not understand
Why are you nervous - what do you think is going to happen when you speak to someone?
get some sexy clothes and make up on as it is a co do treat it as a dry run practise event for moving on and having a good time..:)

Why does it have to be sexy? You’re imply OP is going out to pick someone up. Maybe she’s just going out to have fun with work friends

You can do this!!! Just remember that no-one is looking at you, you are not in a spotlight, there is nothing to be nervous about. Oh and don't drink to much to steady your nerves and end up making a fool of yourself by accident!

What are you worried about happening?

I’m not sure what I’m worried about really, its just nervousness I suppose and I’m also a really sociably awkward person, like I’ll talk to people fine but inside I’m queitly dying 🤦‍♀️. I’m very self concious!

How are you getting there, are you getting a taxi could you pick someone up along the way or meet someone outside so you don't have to go in alone. I always go early to things so that I don't have to walk into a room full of people

Never lose yourself in a relationship again! Always do your own thing, have your own friends and interests. I can’t believe you never went out without the ex!

It sounds as if separating from your ex will be the making of you. Twenty years of not going out on your own? Heavens …

You never went out without your husband? No nights out with your friends in over 20 years? That’s crazy. No wonder you’re nervous. Get yourself out there, get drinks down your neck and let loose. You’ve got years of catching up to do.

No we always went out with his friends and their wives / partners.

I completely lost myself in the marriage and with having kids! One of the many reasons I left!

Then see this as an opportunity for your colleagues to see the real you.

Have a great time

Make sure you have something to eat before you go, even if nervousness makes you not feel like it. Nerves + empty stomach + alcohol = vomit.🤮

Have a good time 🥳

Did your marriage sap your confidence? Here's a little thing I learned in therapy: notice anything nice that anybody says about you. Write them down on prompt cards - or you can use the notes app on your phone, but hand writing works faster. When you're feeling unsure of yourself, have a look through your cards 🙂

No-one actually is judging you, they're all more interested in what other people think of them! Switch your focus to what's interesting about the person you're talking to. Give your time to people whom you find entertaining and friendly.

Yes took every piece of confidence I had, something I’m slowly building back up and I will definitely use that tip!

It is your first time out as a single woman
> Fake it
Hire somebody to accompany you - lots of places you can hire somebody to be your plus 1 person

Youve got this, you had courage to leave him, hold your head up you are stronger than you think. Have fun, but as others say don't get drunk xx

Go for it! Youll be fine.

I don’t think this is necessary as it’s only an informal Christmas party!

@SadNutter def agree with the advice about getting there earlier rather than later as it’s less intimidating walking in alone and you usually have time to talk properly to a few people and form part of a group until you feel comfortable to move away or speak to your other colleagues who may not get there until a good while later.

Enjoy choosing your outfit and taking your first step back into your independence and freedom!

How did it go? Did you have a good time?

Hi Op ,
Didn’t see this thread until now , hope you had a good night .
Well done for getting out there . I am further along the road than you, but also found myself in the same position after a long relationship ended .

It is perfectly understandable to feel nervous , I did too . You are without the safety net of always having someone with you .
I did find that a glass of wine helped , but be careful to pace yourself and alternate with soft drinks / water .
It’s good that your first event was one where you know people and probably not partners . It is difficult when you get to an event and find everyone else seems to be in partners .

I have tried not to say no to any invites . Am of the age - when they aren’t numerous . I say yes , panic about what I am going to wear etc . Have found I have generally had a good time when I have made an effort to go .

I would embrace 2026 as the year that you concentrate on your social life / self esteem . Do what makes you happy . Have a look at what’s available locally . A bit of a cliche - I joined a book group . It’s not particular sociable outwith the grip , but I enjoy it .

I also got back in touch with a few old friends that I had lost touch with . Friends that I hadn’t fallen out with but who I had lost touch with / had drifted apart from . One I see all the time now , the other not so much . I thought these are people that I had once been close to and what is the worse thing that could happen - they didn’t reply.

I think it is easy to get complacent when you have a ready made social life . Now you will have to make more of an effort .
Good luck .

I was 22 years with my ex. Then I discovered that I could have really good time out with girlfriends - something I could not do before due to his jealousy ( for no reason). Enjoy your freedom, meet new people, have a ball! I had my teenage years in my late 30s!