AIB selfish?

[Passthemayo08]

Friend invited me to watch her DD perform in a ballet on Sunday 21st Dec in London. I've said I can't go.

1. I hate London with a passion, the busyiness of it gives me huge anxiety
2. The weekend before Christmas it will be beyond heaving
3. Its the last weekend before Christmas and I will have so much to do plus want to spend time with my own family

AiB selfish ?

Plus, why would someone feel the need to invite their friends to watch their child perform? If it was the royal ballett I could understand, but its nothing like that at all

Well who says you're being selfish?

Is it children's dance school ballet? Or like an actual ballet?

You have said no, so what is the problem?

You're not being unreasonable to say no, but equally, there is nothing wrong with them asking a friend along. Why would it be different if they were in the Royal Ballet?

You really need to ask? 😂

We are 100% allowed to make choices that suit us.
We do not have to be all things to everyone.
Thats NOT being selfish and frankly if we all looked after our own needs and wants rather than being forced into situations to please others we'd all be less anxious...

No one has said I'm being selfish. But, I'm a people pleaser and feel guilty for not going. I think I'm being selfish.
I have no interest in seeing my friends child in their ballet, but wish them well and good luck. I have no interest in going to London, it gives me huge anxiety and is massively outside of my comfort zone. I'm also aware this trip would turn into an all day event. I like being in my safety zone at home/ close to home

You know YANBU to not go but YABU to post this slightly performative post about how much you hate London.

Go or don’t go, they frankly won’t care that much either way, no need to turn it into such a melodrama.

You are making a drama over nothing 🙈

Well of course you are being selfish. But that's ok. People are allowed to be selfish and not fall in line with other people's wants all the time. You are not obliged to go to a place you hate to watch someone else's child's (however much you like them or their parent) ballet show.

It sounds to me as if the friend wants some company so she's not sat on her own and thought you might like a day out in London and enjoy the show. It's perfectly fine for you to say you'd rather not.

It is not a summons , no-one is forcing you.
If you're busy with other things then you can not attend.

YANBU not to go.

I also agree with you that I find it slightly odd to think you might want to go. I've been invited to watch friends' children perform in plays (just local, not in London) and I politely say no. My own DC aren't good at acting or dancing, but they are musical and sporty and it would never occur to me that a friend of mine wanted to watch them in a sports match or music concert! Surely it's the kind of thing that's only interesting for their own parents and grandparents?

You say you feel guilty. Guilt suggests you think you are doing something wrong. Do you truly believe it is wrong not to go? If so then you should go. I suspect you don’t genuinely believe it is wrong not to go. In which case own your decision and tell your friend.

Jeez just say no? Who cares if selfish or not. Sounds like you hate this 'friend' anyway.

"I would love to, but can't, Sorry"

Polite, but clear

No need to feel guilty

YABU to be a hand wringing people pleaser. Just get a grip. Most people would say no for exactly the same reasons as you. If she’s any kind of friend she’d completely understand.

Just say no. If you feel the need to explain, say something true - I'm really busy getting ready for Christmas, rather than a lie. No need to tell her everthing you've told us.

Most people are running round like blue arsed flies the weekend before Christmas. It would be more surprising if someone accepted an invitation at this stage.

You don't need to get into hating London or not being interested in her daughter, just say sorry, can't, manic with Christmas stuff.

As an aside, trains are often crap on Sundays as that's when they do most of the engineering works so I'd be a bit reluctant too (and I work in London and don't usually hate it!)

So friend asked you, had had no problem with you saying no, but somehow you are cross at her for that?! Yeah, what a bitch. How dare she invite you to something.
Your guilt is about you, not her. It's fine.

“No, sorry I’m just far too busy then”

That’s all. It’s the truth and a good enough reason. Who on earth cares about their friend’s child’s ballet performance?

Just say you already have plans, no big deal.

I think a friend invited you to do a nice thing. It's not convenient for you so not really a big deal that you can't make it.

Has she only just asked you? Has someone dropped out so she has a spare ticket or something?

No and I don’t think it’s selfish not to. I’m assuming it’s a children’s performance rather than actual theatre production?

Well, this is dramatic