AIB selfish?

[Passthemayo08]

Friend invited me to watch her DD perform in a ballet on Sunday 21st Dec in London. I've said I can't go.

1. I hate London with a passion, the busyiness of it gives me huge anxiety
2. The weekend before Christmas it will be beyond heaving
3. Its the last weekend before Christmas and I will have so much to do plus want to spend time with my own family

AiB selfish ?

Plus, why would someone feel the need to invite their friends to watch their child perform? If it was the royal ballett I could understand, but its nothing like that at all

Do you often over think to this extent? Where you even have to start a fbread over something so basic? It’s an invite, you say yes or no. That’s it. Neither the child or the mother are going to be gutted you’re not there.

Oh here we go...there is always one on every thread. Someone disagrees with someone or says 'no' to someone, so they must HATE them.

yes it's a children's performance, age 10

I never said I hated my friend or she was terrible to invite me

no idea if she has invited anyone else or if I have a spare ticket because someone else couldn't take the ticket before me

I feel under pressure because she asked me to go, despite that I am going to say no. I guess it's a case of me wanting to please everyone/keep everyone happy which it impossible.

Agree with this. You only have to read the myriad threads on here to see how many anxious people are around, afraid to actually put themselves first for once.
Id just reply with a polite “so lovely of you to ask but I have plans that weekend. Good luck to your daughter!”

Get her a nice congratulations card and a little gift to say well done. It'll cost less than the trip and still show you care.

@Daisywhatsyouranswer I am a huge overthinker .. .and that is the problem. I feel like I need to justify why I cannot do something/accept an invite.

I have a different friend that when I do turn things down I then get asked ''what are doing on X date that means you can't come'' .. sometimes my 'busy' could be sitting-at-home-in-my-pants-on-the-sofa, type of thing, which some of my friends would not understand as that is not their thing.

ex (mostly) people pleaser here.

She has asked you because she wants your company. It's an invitation and you are free to say "no" if it doesn't suit you.

If she is pressurising you to go or will be annoyed if you can't come then she is not much of a friend.

If you consistently turn down every or most invitations she gives you, then you are equally not much of a friend. But if this is a one off, your reasons are sound, and you should not feel guilty.

Have a believable excuse ready if that helps? Yes, it's lying. But it avoids confrontation.

Plus, why would someone feel the need to invite their friends to watch their child perform? If it was the royal ballett I could understand, but its nothing like that at all

Why does this even matter OP?

You've said you're too busy so that's that.

All these 'people pleasers' are not a rare breed of human.

We all get asked to do things we don't particularly want to do and sometimes when we say no, we all feel a bit bad.

YABU for having a strop about your friend inviting you to watch her child perform.

YANBU for not wanting to go.

The last time you said no to someone, did the sky fall? Did the earth's crust implode? No!

I adore my best friend's kids but I would still be bored shitless at a child's ballet performance and would decline. This comes under the banner of things only parents have to do.

Classic example of people making issues for themselves.

You’re overthinking this, it’s the weekend before Christmas, most people are busy, you said no. It’s not a big deal

Sounds like you’re turning it in to unnecessarily drama. She only asked if you would like to go if you don’t just say no.

Think yourself lucky your friend thought enough of you to invite you.

You sound like you would really benefit from therapy

As soon as I read your initial post I thought this is about guilt. You absolutely do not have to feel guilty in any way for saying no. You don’t have to justify your decision. A simple ‘no sorry I already have plans but I appreciate the invite’ will suffice. I am reading a book called the ‘let them theory’, I think it would be a huge benefit to you.

she is unreasonable to ask! I feel bad asking my parents to watch their grandchildren in the numerous shows they do. I love seeing my own children but the productions aren’t exactly Shakespeare and it’s boring watching other people’s children.

That sounds more like a friend problem than a "you" problem. An invitation should never be presented in such a way that it feels like it's a summons.

Why did this deserve a post?

Why did what deserve a post?

I assume your friend was keen not to go alone, and thought of you, but it seems you were the wrong person to ask. Some peoole would enjoy a day like that.