Keeping cancer diagnosis secret from children

[CompromisedConnie]

DP was diagnosed with a life limiting but not life threatening cancer (CLL) 12 months ago. He doesn’t want me to tell the children as you wouldn’t know to look at him. Children are 9 &16. He is young and it’s been awful for us. I support him and we have come through the worst of it. Prognosis is good.

However…

I cannot talk to anyone about this as he doesn’t want children finding out. I support him but there is no one to support me. I’m not being honest with my children or family and it’s really upsetting me. We argue about it which is putting strain on our relationship.

Would I be unreasonable if I told the children and went against his wishes?

My DSIS has terminal cancer. She isn't telling her two DC until near the end or it becomes too obvious. They know se has cancer. We all think its the wrong decision and the should be given time to prepare and spend more time with her etc. She also hasn't asked how long she has left so nobody has any idea how long the DC will get t process it all.

This is the sort of thing that could create lifelong trust issues and estrangement OP.

People don't usually appreciate being lied to. And they often find out.

Finding out your parents, of all people, have been lying and concealing things from you is a horrible feeling and it can destroy the trust you've tried to build between your children and the two of you.

Ultimately you can't tell them against his wishes because it isn't your news to tell. But I would just do my best to never say anything one way or another. Don't collude with lying. If they get wind something is going on, so be it. But don't lie for him.

Exactly.

My son goes to a children's hospital for his oncology check ups. It is 20 miles away from where we live and funnily enough, we've never bumped into someone we know.