I know we’re in the strong, independent, need-no-man era, but seriously: how to cope with being single and childless.

[Idontthinkibelonghere]

And yes, I’m embarrassed to hope to have a partner, but it is what it is.

I’ve noticed through out the decades that my loneliness gets worst twice a year, at the start of summer and at the end of the year, no idea why, and it is indeed that time of the year and holy hell am I feeling like shit…

Are you using dating apps?

Do you get out and socialise?

Do you work with others?

You can't expect to have the perfect man unless you are also the perfect woman.

Well good thing I’m not then. No idea where you got this idea from. LOL!

Yes
Yes
&
Yes

A Morgan Stanley study has predicted that around 45% of women aged 25-44 in the U.S. will be single and childless by 2030, a significant rise from previous years, driven by women prioritizing careers, economic factors, higher standards, and changing views on fulfilling lives, leading to delayed marriage/childbirth or opting out entirely for independence and better partnerships.

I know women who are slightly younger than me who have given up the chance of ever having children. One ended up marrying a divorced father of two teenagers and made the conscious decision not to have children. The other was unable to find a relationship at all. She owned her own house and committed herself to her career. She wanted to get married, be a stay at home mother and live in a big house in an exclusive area and commit her days to baking, gardening and doing crafts with her children - who would attend private school paid for by her husband. She was completely deluded. She scared off men on first dates because she would brag about the house she owned (her parents bought it for her and she had a very small mortgage) and the private boarding school she attended during highshool.

Anyway, she’s single and last I heard she moved back in with her parents.

Women waste time with men who will never marry them (I did this - I spent five years with a man who would never love me as much as he loved himself or his mother).

I didn’t meet someone until I was 38. I had a baby the year I turned 40. I had already had a career. I had dated a lot. For a period of time I went from one relationship to another until I realised in my 30’s that I was the problem and spent almost my entire 30’s single.

How old are you? Do you ever travel anywhere?

Which country do you live in?

A lot of people who are in relationships are miserable.

While I was dating I wanted someone to have regular sex with and eventually have children.

Dating in your late 30’s is very hard. Any decent guy is already married and the ones that are left over are usually damaged in some way.

Then guys your age want to date someone in their 20’s.

Lie about your age online.

A Morgan Stanley study has predicted that around 45% of women aged 25-44 in the U.S. will be single and childless by 2030

Yep, it’s exactly headlines that feed into the ’women need no man, must be happy single’ - even tho those women are damn rare IRL. Latest story was the ’Having a boyfriend is embarrassing’. These stories and actual reality tend not to match.

Anyway, to the story you mentioned: 25 yo being ’single’ (not to mention young people will call dating anything but dating these days) nevermind without kids isin’t even worth mentioning, had the ages been 44-100yo then that would have actually been eyebrow raising worthy.

I don't think we're in the 'need no man' era, just because Vogue wrote a random article to fill space. Most men and women want a partner at least for a portion of their lives.

If you are on dating apps and socialising etc, why don't you think it's happening?

Mid winter can be a slightly harder time to be single, I spose.

I know, lol, it was more because that’s what single women get told if they wish for a relationship.

I don’t think we are built to be alone. I have lots of animals and it’s considered cruel to keep them alone (goats, cows, chickens) and I don’t think we are much different. A stray dog finds a companion too.

Keep on with the dating apps, hobbies and all other ways to meet someone - you are not mad. The propaganda is wrong and put out by psychopaths

P.s. If you look up Rob Henderson you can look at one of the hypotheses about the prevailing propaganda to get more childless single women. He’s been on loads of podcasts and has books and a blog.

Hi OP
You are allowed to feel lonely and wanting a partner.
Please embrace your singledom and get out there.
I would not recommend single parenthood by donor.
You will end up feeling lonelier

I was in relationships for most of my 20s and early 30s. I've now being single for 13 years. Don't forget we had a pandemic. I also had an illness part way through. Anyway, I've just had the flu, quite proud of how I coped, and have been enjoying binge watching some good TV series in the run up to Christmas. I'm feeling quite happy tbh. I think where it can feel low is thinking that you're single and will be single forever - there's no reason to think that (unless you want to). It's a phase / a season. Just my opinion.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to find a partner. Is there anything stopping you from trying to find a relationship?

I’m 51 now and have been mostly single for the 18 years since I left my husband. Sometimes I wonder if I should have stayed with him, even though it was abusive, because sometimes it’s better than being on my own. This is definitely the worst time of the year and this year even worse because a few things have happened which has made the lack of someone in my life who gives a shit about me even more real. My friends used to tell me I’ll meet someone else, but now they tell me that at least my dog loves me and I have him. Well I do love my dog, but he’s not a partner. That’s what I miss. Plus there’s the look of pity that I get when people find out I’m on my own and the thought that there’s something wrong with me. Most people I knkw now don’t even know that I used to be married so think I’m even sadder.
it’s nit so easy for a lot of us. I just don’t attract men 💁🏻

OP - “single” and “childless” are two separate issues. You could explore having a baby alone using a donor if this is something you want. or is it only a baby with a partner and building that sort of family?

Hi OP
Do you have a really, really, good, single, female friend? If you don't I would actually focus on finding that. OK, this won't bring you sex, romance or children but it could bring you love, companionship and joy. And if you like dogs, and can look after one well enough, get a dog. You'll have more love than you can cope with.

Have you considered trying lesbianism?

Hi, thank you for your comment, and just…❤️.

I also used to have a dog. And a cat, and as great companion they are, no they are not a human life partner. Funny, how I’ve also gotten that line btw.

Holidays and birthdays do indeed make the loneliness more aware of itself.

All the best!

Well, not really, I don’t think sexual orientation is a choice. Also, considering lesbians are, what 1% of the population, how would that make anything easier, when men are 49% of the population, majority of them are straight/bi, and still I struggle. If your question was real.

I am mid 40s and I can only think of one couple my age that isn't in the process of seperation, having last-ditch couples counselling or having serious relationship issues and unsure what to do. When I got divorced a few years ago everyone else seemed happily coupled up (albeit I'm sure they weren't). I think that's quite common so you may well find more single friends over the next few years.

I do have children so I am not entirely on my own, but christmas is a tough time because they are autistic and struggle with social activities, all the loud and unpredictable stuff that christmas brings. So although I do have family nearby we tend to be quite isolated. I see friends with kids the same age doing all sorts of lovely things we can't manage and it can be hard at times. Comparison is never helpful.

Could you afford a christmas adventure somewhere? Exodus and intrepid are amazing and commonly have singles on their trips.

Well that's not v helpful of these people

But why don't you think it's happening then?

🤣

Would the OP not have to have some sort of inkling of an inclination before she tried muff diving???

@sunshine244does make a good point. A lot of people enter their 40s settle down and married but don’t all leave their 40s in a relationship (or rather, not in the same relationship). You could have married someone at 25 and be thinking about leaving them now.

But as I said, if being childless bothers you, that’s something you don’t need a partner for anymore.