School pick up safety.

[RedDeer]

Last night my 7 year old was released into my 10 year olds care, at pick up after a school nativity play. I was 30s walking behind and my 10 year old had ran ahead. it was outside dark. I only noticed as they started to walk pass me in the school pick up place. It was 7pm.
I know it was busy, and mistakes happen. Teacher probably thought I was there.

Am I overreacting? I don't want anyone getting into trouble. Also my 10 year old, is Autistic, high functioning but still dont trust her 100% with her younger sister.

But you were there? If this was a nursery child maybe an issue but it is reasonable for the class teacher that you were close by not sitting at home with a glass of wine while your 10 year old went to collect your 7 year old.

They were about to cross the road without me. When i saw them. As I said my 10 year old is Autistic, also go's to the same school.

Your 10 yr old prob said to the teacher mum's just coming/over there?

You were 30s away, i wouldn't get worked up over this at all.

They probably saw you 30s behind so didn’t see the problem. If you can’t trust your 10yo you need to deal with that separately.

They probably could see you.

If this is a one-off I would leave it.

A 7YO should be fine. And the teacher may have seen you in the distance if you were only 30 secs behind. I think it’s a non issue.

It's usually chaos at these things after a very busy day. The teacher probably saw you. You can complain if you want to but I don't really see what affect it will have.

Yes you’re overreacting, you were there. They know you well enough to know if your 10 yo is there then you won’t be far behind. Please don’t give an over worked exhausted teacher grief for this ffs.

I regularly let my 7 year old scoot ahead of me alone on the way home and sometimes he takes a slightly different route home and I'll take the parallel one. It's a safe area and it's good for his independence. There are roads to navigate. It's a non issue in my mind. Are you more worried about your kids safety or about what people might think?

She'd probably seen you at the play and knew you were right behind your ten year old.

I would talk to both children about not crossing the road without you though. At ten and seven they should have a bit more common sense/awareness of what they should do.

Children of that age can be taught about crossing the road. If you feel neither is old enough to cross by themselves I would teach them that they must always wait for you. I don't really think the teacher has done anything terrible.

But your 10 year old probably would have said my mums behind me

Ok maybe im being unreasonable. But it was dark outside, and no my 10 year old isn't responsible for her age, she can bolt, run across the road without looking, is impulsive and has been known to run away from home., when upset. All of this school knows. Like I said shes Autistic. We are working with her, shes getting there, but she needs more supervision then an average child her age.
I let her run ahead as it was in the school pick up place.and I was following her. But I cant run as fast as her.

Kindly, if your 10 year old can't be trusted then she shouldn't be running ahead or going to cross a road on her own.

I think you need to look at that before you complain about a teacher.

It sounds as if you got quite a shock, seeing them about to cross the road.

If this was a one off happening after a school event in the dark, then raising it with the teacher may not help. You need to talk to your dcs and teach them that they do not have permission to cross the road without you. They must wait for you, or go back to the teacher if they cannot find you. Especially at exciting times like Christmas when they might forget.

If there is a chance that this might happen again, however. YANBU to talk to the teacher about it and to ask the teacher's advice about how to be sure your 7 year old is safe after school events.

Just seen your update. That does sound concerning.

Work on your younger child, to learn never to leave without you, and when appropriate ask for the teacher's help with this. The teacher may well have been distracted at a Christmas event, with a lot going on but I'm sure s/he would not want an accident to happen either

You shouldn’t have let her run ahead if she’s that irresponsible - she was in your care at the time, not the schools.

In that case, this is all on you, definitely not the school.

Why did her let the 10 year old go ahead oh you? If this was my child they would be within my grasp at all times.

It sounds like you are trying to blame the teacher for your own lack of supervision. You don't need to blame anyone. Just move on.

Your ten year old presented herself to pick up your child. The teacher rightly assumed you were with said child. It is on you to prevent the scenario where the teacher hands over the younger child and you are not close by. This is on you to be nearby and present and monitoring what your older child is doing. A teacher has 30 children to monitor- you have 2!

You're saying the 10 year old can't be trusted, may run across the road and is impulsive, yet you let them run ahead. This is a bigger concern I feel. Why aren't you right beside them or still holding their hand?

If you don’t want anyone to get into trouble, impress upon your children that they need to be by your side.

I bet they told the teacher that you were there.

I'm assuming this is juniors not Y2? Not at 7pm admittedly, but until 10 years ago we only let children out to parents one by one in Y3 until October half term. after that, it was assumed they would go to the right person or come back to the teacher if not. Why did your child leave if they couldn't see you? If they don't have SEND, I expect Y3s and 4s to follow the usual instruction of only leaving if they can see an adult, telling me when they can.

You are right that they should have handed the younger one over to you, but you did cause confusion by letting your older child run ahead.

As a teacher, I hate collection from the evening performance. You're trying to help children change, it's dark outside and then you generally have loads of siblings yelling their sibling's name to let you know they are there. I find it very stressful and am often replying, "wait, where's your grown up?" etc. This is often followed by a gruff voice yelling "I'm here", waving right at the back, annoyed that I didn't see them or wouldn't just release their child when the sibling shouted over. Give them a break. It is unusual handing over children in the dark and can be confusing and disorientating. Maybe they genuinely thought they saw you? People can look very similar in the dark with hats on or hoods up. Yes they should have waited until they actually saw you, but you did cause the confusion by letting your older child run ahead making them think you were there. I'd let it go, personally.