AIBU to ask you to help me create an amazing life for myself?

[Lycheeloverr]

I want to try something new as I’m definitely in a rut and feel a bit down and want to live a more exciting and fulfilling life. Can you design one for me?

I’ll tell you a bit about myself. I’m 36 years old, I live in London, own my own flat and have a dog. Single and no family or extended family. I am very close to my ex boyfriend who I’ve known since I was 15 so understands a lot about my life and is my real source of emotional support but that’s it really. Have a small handful of friends. Don’t have many hobbies. Two stone overweight. Spend most evenings doomscrolling.

what can I do to enjoy a better life?

I’m similar to you.

I’ve decided to start volunteering so I can help others instead of thinking of myself all the time! Have just applied to something and waiting to hear back.

I also joined a nice gym this year that’s really friendly with socials etc

Following as I need advice too 😄

But just to say that youre not alone! There's loads of us out there not in touch with birth families 🙂

Do you travel? Could you learn Spanish? Do you go to bars to hear live music? What makes you feel things? For me, someone with an amazing voice can touch my soul (cringe 🙈)

Anyway - best of luck. I love tiktok for seeing how women our age are doing their lives, some women are really open about it xx

You could try one new thing every 2 weeks/month whatever suits. Take a class, try a sport etc. You will meet new people and might find a passion.

Figure out what feeds your soul. It might be seeing people, or being creative, or learning new things, or playing a sport or music, or something else. Then see how to build this into your life. It might be a case of trying lots of new things until you find something that resonates.
Also, think about your job. If it's fulfilling, then fine. If not, explore other possibilities. Work is where we spend most of our day so you don't want to settle for less if you can help it.

Living in London there must be loads of new things to try.
What about picking a different activity one a week, fortnight, or monthly until you find something you like? Something like line dancing, aqua aerobics, pilates, a craft class maybe jewellery class or where I live there are lots of paint and sip nights. Take yourself to the bingo.
Or travel if you've got pet care, pick a destination and explore. Even a solo touring holiday.

I think the key is to try something new away from your normal.

I've been trying to do it this year, luckily I have a friend who goes along with it 😂

How would you like things to feel different? Do you work?

What place makes you feel most at home?

Fuckin ell, that’s a bit harsh. God forbid someone what’s a bit of joy and purpose to their life.

Controversial opinion?

I am very close to my ex boyfriend who I’ve known since I was 15 so understands a lot about my life and is my real source of emotional support

This sounds unhealthy and enmeshed especially if you are looking to meet someone.

When i was at a similar point, i "invested in myself"

I went to a decent local gym regularly and made friends there, I did park run, went for a massage x 2 per month amd went on really amazing group solo holidays. I got an amazong deal on a safari reserve last minute
Which was the best holiday I've been on
I dod local community stuff too ( volunteering)
That made me.feel part of the community vs living on some random street in london

I did that last minute ticket thing where you fill seats and I did it either with someone from work or a friend or went solo!

Daily walks, fresh air, healthy diet.
These will all make you feel better.
I hope you are working, you will need structure to provide a framework.
Yoga /pilates/pottery classes?
Just some suggestions

@Bleachedlevis this post sounds like a you problem. Op I hope you can ignore.

I would second volunteering, it's a great way to do new things, meet new people and to feel like you're helping others is really nice as well.

I'd take up a class or learn a new skill you've always wanted to do like painting or language or scuba. Again a great way to meet like minded people and if you do it for your own enjoyment as opposed to be good at it then it becomes more fun.

What about joining a local park run that do couch to 5k so you can be out and meet others and get an energy boost.

If you want more adventure you could also look into group travel packages there's lots tailored to single women who'd rather travel with other women specifically if that would feel safer.

I think while doing all of that it's also nice to notice the things in life that are already good to help tune your mindset into positivity and resilience, so maybe trying to commit to a gratitude journal each day to find contentment with what you have while adding opportunities to the mix?

First, the fastest way to fail is to try and do everything at once so if you had to choose one challenge to start which would it be?

1. 'Glow Up' - focused on physical changes and includes new hair, nails, make up, colour theory but also trying new exercises and diet.
2. 'expand horizons' - this is going to galleries, events, meet ups, trying new hobbies and foods. Getting out of your comfort zone.
3. Career lock in - a big focus on getting ahead at work maybe changing careers or launching a side hustle.
4. 'Home Decor' - curating a little home you love with diy, thrifting, getting everything really organised so you have a sanctuary.
5. 'Relationships' - a challenge to build on existing relationships, make new friends and community and have fun dating.

The best answer is always parkrun. Walk or volunteer to get started…it will open up horizons in so many ways

1 join a sports club - running, tag rugby anything which is a fun group sport
2 education yourself more about nutrition (we could all do with this)
3 join a gym or start walking most days
4 find your girl tribe - a good group of women who you can meet up with regularly who are fun and bring you happiness
5 read a well reviewed novel once a week or when you can
6 travel
7 challenge yourself to do something in 2026 you would never have thought possible - 10km, stand up etc
8 perhaps do a night course in an area of education you’ve always been interested in

you can absolutely build a wonderful life for yourself

Honestly? While I planned everything else, I would go on the jabs and lose the two stone.

Go to a gym, firm up a bit.

Pull back from your ex, who is stopping you being emotionally available to other people.

A beginners’ run club!
Run clubs are fantastic… healthy, sociable, free (or very low cost). It’s a great thing to do - you’ll meet local pals, develop a healthy and fun new hobby and get regular exercise in fresh air. I was two stone overweight, totally unfit (and middle aged) when I started running, and it’s amazing. Read ‘Jog On’ by Bella Mackie and treat yourself to some really good trainers for Christmas!

I know you meant to be hurtful but your suggestion did make me laugh and is, I think, a really good one! It’s certainly a way to jazz my life up. But also, I guess, a good way of reframing what I was asking.

if I was the main character in this movie of my life, what sort of movie would it be and could I change it?

you’ve given me lots to think about. Thank you!

You are right. It’s really unhealthy and is definitely holding me back. I do feel quite trapped in it but I have almost no other support. I’m just not sure what to do. I rely on him to help look after my dog but it is very enmeshed.

Take a look at Gretchen Rubin’s the Happiness Project- a book and website ( maybe podcasts too ) with practical advice and ideas

Then … actually DO some of the things that appeal to you!

Join a park run or local walk and talk group, you'll get fitter too.

Plan baby steps.

Plan to try one new thing each week to start with. It could be just a different food or a different route home

Try volunteering. Don't expect instant friendships, rather that over time you will build new connections and gain new connections

Try a new hobby. Maybe plan to keep trying different things till something clicks with you. Or try something and stick with it for a year because sometimes it takes time to discover whether you really like something

Learn something new. To start with try a free online course.

Aim to read more instead of doomscrolling. Try joining an app like Storygraph and set yourself goals to motivate yourself. Aim for a mix of fiction and non fiction (if you want someone to connect with on there pm me )

You live in London? Brilliant. How about, one day a week, you do something cultural on your own.

Go to the cinema. Visit a gallery. See an exhibition. Go to the theatre. Visit an attraction.

Aside from your own enrichment, OP, when you meet new people - you've got to have something to talk about! And there you are, in one of the most cultural cities in the world.

Also, though - stream a new TV series, rather than doomscrolling! TV is a great connector.

Good for you for recognising the rut and knowing you have the power for change. That's half the battle.

I think buy yourself a diary and goal plan. Search your soul and write down what you want to achieve, like 2 new friends. 2 projects at home etc. Different angles but not too much together. Try a new adult ed class every term, so 3 a year. Try a new exercise every 3 months until you enjoy something. Volunteer in 3 places before you decide if you like it or not. Join a social club (books, card playing etc). Fill your calendar with enjoyable things and make an appointment to revisit in exactly one year.

Re your looks buy yourself some quality clothes in the size you are now. It won't stop you losing weight if anything it will egg you on. When I'm feeling good I binge less and the weight is more likely to come off. Try to look good while exercising too. It motivates you.. I spent years wearing cheap crap because I was just about to lose weight and sometimes I did, but it was only when I started to love myself more and value my appearance more that I found I could motivate myself properly.

Whereabouts in London are you? I’m also in London and I can relate to so much of this. I have a good career and I’m also studying but I spend (waste) SO much time phone staring. Someone on MN once described it as “a bovine activity” so I refer to it as bovine-ing. I want to be more productive and creative but it feels like I’m lying under a boulder, and the boulder is my brain. If you want to message me perhaps we can motivate each other!

Girl get on borrow my.doggy and make a plan B that can become your plan A.

This website has a diagram
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html
Basically you are further away from being in a healthy relationship than a single person as you are basically bottom of the staircase.
To ever get into a healthy relationship you need to bin this guy off so you might as well do it now and get closer to happy and healthy.

If you like fitness i recommend fitness bootcamp holidays (trimmeryou, no1 bootcamp etc) some of the women who go have more issues than vogue but i have made 3 or 4 good friends from them...