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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex choosing not to spend Christmas Day with his children

40 replies

Blackcat7725 · 09/12/2025 18:11

My ex of 7 months isn’t willing to come for Christmas Day as he’d previously said he would. He’s saying no as it’s not appropriate but I rather feel it has to do with his girlfriend of 6 months who he has unbelievable bought a house with. He had said he’d only pop in with some presents but our children would really like him to come for the day. We have always been mostly amicable. I feel he is choosing the new girlfriend over his children. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CandyCaneKisses · 09/12/2025 18:16

Leave him to it, it’s his loss.

HoskinsChoice · 09/12/2025 18:17

I think it's a bad idea to spend Christmas together, it gives the kids mixed messages and possibly hope of getting back together. They need to get used to splitting Christmas between both parents so I'd have a chat with him and work out which days you're each going to have.

Besnymore · 09/12/2025 18:18

He sounds utterly vile OP

Icecreamisthebest · 09/12/2025 18:20

I would not make an issue out of this. Combined christmases are not for everyone. The important thing is that he continues to parent his children and have them regularly for contact

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 09/12/2025 18:40

First response nails it! Don’t waste any energy second guessing him.

Wingingit73 · 09/12/2025 18:49

He wants to see the children. But doesn't want to spend the day with you. Let them enjoy their morning.

Lidre · 09/12/2025 18:54

It probably is to do with new GF, would you want your partner spending Christmas playing happy families with his ex? But it's for the best, it might be what your DC say they want, but of course what they really want is you back together, and pretending you are, even for a day, won't help anyone long term.

letstrythatagain · 09/12/2025 18:54

Not sure him spending the whole day there is the best idea but him calling in sounds better. He can see the kids then but you won't have to put up with him all day!

19lottie82 · 09/12/2025 18:56

I wouldn’t expect your ex who has a partner, to want to spend the whole day with you as if you were still a family unit I’m afraid. Popping in for an hour or two seems ok.

I guess you’ll have to discuss how to split christmas going forward.

19lottie82 · 09/12/2025 18:56

Besnymore · 09/12/2025 18:18

He sounds utterly vile OP

Hardly.

Picklemysink · 09/12/2025 18:58

Is his partner invited? Or did you invite him and not her in attempt to make him choose?

Whaleandsnail6 · 09/12/2025 18:59

19lottie82 · 09/12/2025 18:56

I wouldn’t expect your ex who has a partner, to want to spend the whole day with you as if you were still a family unit I’m afraid. Popping in for an hour or two seems ok.

I guess you’ll have to discuss how to split christmas going forward.

This

I think spending the day together can also send mixed messages to children if they are young

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/12/2025 19:00

Well you say he wants to see them and he will. He probably doesn’t want to spend the whole day at yours as he’ll want to be with his partner. Do you want him back? He’s moved on, pretty decisively by the sounds of things. Is he having the kids on Boxing Day?

Coffeeishot · 09/12/2025 19:03

Was his girlfriend.invited or were you hoping for happy families ? That does not help the kids and even though he said he would he was probably right not to come, it is his loss. Which day is he planning to see them.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 09/12/2025 19:04

What he’s proposing is quite normal for split up families?

YellowCherry · 09/12/2025 19:06

Icecreamisthebest · 09/12/2025 18:20

I would not make an issue out of this. Combined christmases are not for everyone. The important thing is that he continues to parent his children and have them regularly for contact

I agree with this. Don't make a big deal out of Christmas, it's consistent regular contact that it's important IMO.

Emsie1987 · 09/12/2025 19:06

I suppose his setting the norm. He doesn’t want spend the day with you and the kids. I guess next year he will expect to see the children on Christmas Day at his without you.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/12/2025 19:10

It’s understandable he doesn’t want to spend the whole day with you, it’d awkward and not that helpful to the kids, especially on the first Christmas apart. Him dropping in some presents is fine, if he stays for an hour even better. Don’t battle with your ex about things you cannot control, it’s the kids who loose out of you two can’t be civil

Lidre · 09/12/2025 19:11

Besnymore · 09/12/2025 18:18

He sounds utterly vile OP

He's moved on very quickly, but the decision regarding Christmas is a very sensible one imo, at the same time as ensuring he sees them on Christmas Day.

RhaenysRocks · 09/12/2025 19:11

So you split up seven months ago. This new girlfriend has been around for six months and they've bought a house together. Yeah, he sounds like an absolute idiot but on this issue, let him do what he wants. My ex did not dissimilar and popped over the first Xmas morning apart but didn't hang around. I think playing "normal" would have killed me and it was easier to have him gone and see my lovely parents enjoy the day with their grandkids. Is that an option? So it's not just you and them?

StripyHorse · 09/12/2025 19:11

My parents were very amicable when they split and I think DF didn't want to take us from DM on Christmas day. He used to come round for an hour (maybe even less) on Christmas day to see us and bring presents. It was fine.

ComedyGuns · 09/12/2025 19:23

Wingingit73 · 09/12/2025 18:49

He wants to see the children. But doesn't want to spend the day with you. Let them enjoy their morning.

Unfortunately this.

GoldsolesLugs · 09/12/2025 19:27

ComedyGuns · 09/12/2025 19:23

Unfortunately this.

Show quote history

Why's it unfortunate? I think it's pretty normal not to want to spend a special day with an Ex.

CrossChecking · 09/12/2025 19:28

I think that it's best that you both set new Christmas expectations from the beginning. One day you will probably have a new partner and won't want to be hosting your ex. He can do his own Christmas things with the kids it doesn't have to all be about Christmas day itself.

PollyBell · 09/12/2025 19:57

Why would he want to spend the day with you? Ask him to take them out for a few hours