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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex choosing not to spend Christmas Day with his children

40 replies

Blackcat7725 · 09/12/2025 18:11

My ex of 7 months isn’t willing to come for Christmas Day as he’d previously said he would. He’s saying no as it’s not appropriate but I rather feel it has to do with his girlfriend of 6 months who he has unbelievable bought a house with. He had said he’d only pop in with some presents but our children would really like him to come for the day. We have always been mostly amicable. I feel he is choosing the new girlfriend over his children. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Videooooo · 09/12/2025 20:04

It sounds a little bit like you might hold a candle for him? Or are jealous? Nothing wrong with either of those things, but they might stop you from seeing the situation rationally: it’s not a good idea to spend Christmas with your ex. Like another PP said, he wants to see his children, but not spend the day with his ex (you).

Like others have said, it might be an idea to discuss christmases going forward?

One day you may have a new partner too. And I doubt you’ll want to spend the whole day with your ex then.

Arthurnewyorkcity · 09/12/2025 20:06

As i child i was desperate for my parents to spend these days together, they were amicable. But it was because I was secretly praying they'd get back together and was too young to understand relation dynamics. It might stem from the new girlfriend but its right to pop in over spend the day with. New routines need to be established. It's not fair to get young kids hopes up of a reunion. If everyone had fully moved on and accepted perhaps a day altogether would be possible, but its fair enough at this stage to want separate. Totally understandable if its always separate moving forward. Kids can be excited by 2 Christmases etc

Hellohelga · 09/12/2025 20:08

You’ve split. Either he has kids or you have kids.

SandyY2K · 09/12/2025 20:09

Popping in with gifts is fine. He does beef to spend the day with the kids. This is part and parcel of being separated.

GiveafuckGertrude · 09/12/2025 20:11

Why can’t you have some of the day each?

Pineapplewaves · 09/12/2025 20:12

You are not together anymore and he has a new partner so it’s not appropriate for him to spend Christmas Day with you anymore. DP used to spend Christmas morning with DSD at her house watching her open her presents then DSD would go to her DM’s family for the rest of the day and DP and I would go to his parents for lunch and the rest of the day.

His plan means you both get to see your DC on Christmas Day and you get to keep them which I would be happy with, it’s better than alternating Christmas and not seeing your DC on Christmas Day at all.

It’s time to move on with your life as he has.

Lidre · 09/12/2025 20:13

GiveafuckGertrude · 09/12/2025 20:11

Why can’t you have some of the day each?

That sounds miserable for DC. Better a 2nd "Christmas Day" imo, or for him to pop in with presents and have DC another day.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 09/12/2025 20:14

Yabu girl

I also question his timeline of moving on

But girl - he has moved on. I suspect you hope to reconcile in future but that isnt going to happen, I am very sorry x

Kitkate21 · 09/12/2025 20:17

Why can't he have them at his own house? Don't think it's appropriate for him to spend the day with you. Surely he has access to them regularly so you just negotiate. My ex has the kids every Xmas eve after dinner. They come back to me for Christmas lunch. But they are 15 and 12. How old are your kids? I think it's fair what he's proposing

PollyBell · 09/12/2025 20:21

If he didnt have the new girlfriend would you have wanted him to be with you as much?

youalright · 09/12/2025 20:23

I think your getting of lightly most people have to split Christmas with ex partners. Don't push him you won't like the outcome

bridezillaincoming · 09/12/2025 20:47

Wingingit73 · 09/12/2025 18:49

He wants to see the children. But doesn't want to spend the day with you. Let them enjoy their morning.

This!

Lovingbooks · 10/12/2025 07:39

It’s good that he still wants to pop in for a bit with presents and that you have a amicable relationship. Focus on making this work I had similar at first ex used to spend most of xmas day when we had a younger kid (although no new partner) then it turned into popping in early morning for present opening and breakfast once they stopped believing in Santa. if he has moved on with new partner he will probably wanting to spend most of Xmas day with her. Are kids going Boxing Day to his?

Eenameenadeeka · 10/12/2025 08:08

The children should spend part of the day with each of you, but you don't have to all spend the whole day together.

curious79 · 10/12/2025 08:10

Sounds like you need to start alternating Christmases. Ask him what days over the Christmas period he will be taking them.

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