Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never invited

37 replies

Namechange790 · 08/12/2025 20:41

I’m not a massive social animal but I’m like a night out every so often. I’ve noticed that the mums who I thought I was friendly with through our kids at school quite regularly go out for meals and nights out. One of the mums who goes always tells me about where they go and what they do. So does another one of the group. I’ve hinted at both of them that I’d like to go one night as I’m not from the area so have no real close friends about. Anyway, they all went out again on Saturday night and one of the mums was happily talking about it to me at the school gate earlier. I asked her in a roundabout way why she hadn’t mentioned it to me and she said “well sometimes you’re a bit quirky.” What the actual…. What is she saying? I’m a weirdo and they don’t want me about? Be kind as I’m struggling with a lot right now.

OP posts:
AwfullyGood · 08/12/2025 20:44

It sounds like you are better off without people like that. What a bizarre, rude thing to say.

Lmnop22 · 08/12/2025 20:45

Unfortunately it sounds like she’s saying that they didn’t invite you deliberately.

But please don’t take it to heart because people who would exclude someone deliberately, know they wound have liked an invite and then discuss openly the night out at the school gates are just never going to be your people.

I would focus on finding alternative mum friends at the school, talking to other mums and maybe joining an activity in the local area to meet new one that way!

foodtoorder · 08/12/2025 20:47

From that response I would say they are not the people you need or would want to go out with.
Spreading your wings and find new people to talk to at the school gates.

graceinspace999 · 08/12/2025 20:50

They sound like boring snobs who are not worthy of you.
Keep looking for new quirky friends.

Ninettas · 08/12/2025 20:56

Excluding someone because they’re quirky says a lot about the people you’re dealing with. As a mum of two beautiful daughters—one with a disability—I’ve experienced this behaviour myself many times. My advice? Leave them to their mediocre misery. Life is far too precious to waste on bullies. Love yourself. ❤️

Mandarinaduck · 08/12/2025 20:57

Wow, that must have stung.
But it's good that you asked and got things out in the clear. I think you should now distance yourself from this woman. Be polite but cool.
Do you have any other avenues for building up a bit of a social life?

ComfortFoodCafe · 08/12/2025 20:58

Please fuck them off.

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 08/12/2025 21:01

They sound fucking awful and you’re better off without them in your life. Go off and be your fabulous quirky self. You’ll probably thank your lucky stars in a few years time that you weren’t involved with them.

WildFlowerBees · 08/12/2025 21:02

They’ve done you a favour by letting you know what utter twats they are before you’d endured a night out. She was rude and hurtful.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 08/12/2025 21:03

Fuck them op.
Quirky people are the best.
School gate bitches stay bitches.

Original poster
Namechange790 · 08/12/2025 22:44

Thanks for replies. This is not the first time this has happened eg. They go out, I don’t get an invite and then this one person chats about the fab night out. My son, who is in the same class as their kids, is autistic and recently diagnosed. I think I share some of his traits and I am a bit quirky. My sense of humour is quite dry and sarcastic. I think I’m a hoot! Still amazes me how grown ups can be just as cruel as kids.

OP posts:
Poppyseed14 · 09/12/2025 01:53

They are not your people OP. You sound lovely, my cup of tea. I'm also probably a bit quirky. My daughter has also just been diagnosed AuDHD and it came as a bit of a shock to us. She's a teenager and we never realised. Probably due to our own quirks. Stay quirky OP. You will find your tribe. 😘

mondaytosunday · 09/12/2025 02:24

What you have to do is organise a night out yourself if you want one. I used to do that - I’m a widow and I noticed my friendship gang talking about dinner at each others houses: all couples. I would only get invited if it was a mix and mingle drinks thing. Fed up with that I invited them all to mine (the women only - men do change the dynamic). Twice a year I had 10-12 for dinner and we had a great time. I also suggested a once a week coffee meet up after school drop off. If people could make it great but no pressure. Usually 4-6 could do it, on the odd occasion no one could.
I found unless I organised stuff myself the only adult I’d talk to would be the Tesco delivery guy …

PollyBell · 09/12/2025 02:25

People can write childish replies but why is it on them to invite you? Why are you sitting back and expecting others to ask you if you want to join and why aren't you arranging things for yourself? lots of people on here seem to take this attitude that everyone else is at fault when they are not being included

you are in control of your life not other people, and of course this is MN we only have your side so automatically people will blame others as being 'baddies' which I presume people would have left back at school

Terrytheweasel · 09/12/2025 02:30

Def not your people. I wouldn’t rely on school mums to be your friends anyway.
What are your hobbies? you need to join some groups and meet people who share your interests. Not vacuous school mums who have zero social skills.

nomas · 09/12/2025 04:19

If you're too quirky to go out with then you should be too quirky to chat to.

I really wouldn't give her the time of day again.

nomas · 09/12/2025 04:20

PollyBell · 09/12/2025 02:25

People can write childish replies but why is it on them to invite you? Why are you sitting back and expecting others to ask you if you want to join and why aren't you arranging things for yourself? lots of people on here seem to take this attitude that everyone else is at fault when they are not being included

you are in control of your life not other people, and of course this is MN we only have your side so automatically people will blame others as being 'baddies' which I presume people would have left back at school

The issue is not that they don't invite OP, the issue is she is good enough to talk to but too 'quirky' to socialise with.

These twats are best avoided,

PollyBell · 09/12/2025 04:24

nomas · 09/12/2025 04:20

The issue is not that they don't invite OP, the issue is she is good enough to talk to but too 'quirky' to socialise with.

These twats are best avoided,

Show quote history

But it appears the OP does not socialise with them the OP leaves it to others to socialise with the OP

Espressosummer · 09/12/2025 05:12

nomas · 09/12/2025 04:20

The issue is not that they don't invite OP, the issue is she is good enough to talk to but too 'quirky' to socialise with.

These twats are best avoided,

Show quote history

But there's a massive difference between a 5 min chat at the school gate while waiting for the kids and an entire evening. The woman who is telling the OP about these evenings is unpleasant and at a minimum, lacking in social skills. But that doesn't make it cruel for these women to not invite the OP on an evening out.

firstofallimadelight · 09/12/2025 05:46

Well it’s likely they have a friendship beyond the school run. So perhaps they knew each other before their kids went to that school, or they clicked and a close friendship has developed.
it was brave of you to put yourself out there and ask to come, her answer was ridiculous and rude but you know now she’s happy to chat at the gate but not fussed beyond that.
if you are wanting friendship you need to look else where, you could go down the hobbies route and see if you can find some friends with mutual interests.

Suse7 · 09/12/2025 05:52

Why would you want to go out with people who think that about you🥰

Milkwort · 09/12/2025 06:01

Ninettas · 08/12/2025 20:56

Excluding someone because they’re quirky says a lot about the people you’re dealing with. As a mum of two beautiful daughters—one with a disability—I’ve experienced this behaviour myself many times. My advice? Leave them to their mediocre misery. Life is far too precious to waste on bullies. Love yourself. ❤️

That ridiculous. This isn’t one weeping six year old being excluded from a whole class party, it’s an OP who vaguely knows some other school run parents from the school gate expecting to be invited to what sounds like a friendship group’s long-standing nights out because she’s hinted to them she’d like to go.

I mean, what would you do if someone you only know to say hello to at the school gate asked you straight out why you hadn’t invited her on a recent night out with your friends? You’d probably think it was ‘quirky’.

OP, do you even like these people? If you do, suggest a coffee or that you take the children to the park after school (in better weather) ? Start small.

Ferrissia · 09/12/2025 06:08

They don't owe you an invitation just because you want one.

Count yourself lucky though, because the explanation you were given indicates that they are 1) assholes, and 2) boring.

Good luck finding your people :-)

Katflapkit · 09/12/2025 06:13

The first line of your oriental post says 'I'm not a massive social animal but I like a night out every now and then' To me that implies you would only go to the occasional night out and you would arrange take the reins and arrange or suggest/arrange something. Sounds a bit FOMO on your behalf.

Another poster said there is a big difference between a 5 minute catch up at the school gates and people who have a general friendship outside of school.

I get it may have been hard to hear 'sometimes you are a bit quirky' surely you asked what she meant when she said that. If you didn't, approach her again and say 'I've been thinking about you saying 'that sometimes, I can be a bit quirky'.

Milkwort · 09/12/2025 06:14

Ferrissia · 09/12/2025 06:08

They don't owe you an invitation just because you want one.

Count yourself lucky though, because the explanation you were given indicates that they are 1) assholes, and 2) boring.

Good luck finding your people :-)

Could be they’re boring assholes. Could also be they’re wondering why someone they only know from chitchat on the school run is asking why they didn’t invite her on their night out.