My daughter has more for Christmas than my son..

[SeeYouNextTuesday88]

I had a DS who is 8 and a DD who is 4.
DS has just asked for Lego and not given any other suggestions, the Lego he wants are £30-£80 a pop. DD wants a go kart thing which she’s got but other than that’s it’s cheap Barbie’s, dolls, second hand toys etc.
so when wrapping it DOES look like DD has more. I feel so guilty but DS does have every LEGO going between our house and DGP’s and his birthday is a week after Christmas.
Should I buy him more so it looks more even?

If the value is the same you need to get creative with the wrapping. Wrap more than one gift for your DD together. At their age the same number of parcels is by far and away the most important thing

So they are both getting what they want? No you don't need to spend more on your son just so he has an even number of things to open for the sake of it.

If anything I'd hold back some of the stuff for your daughter for her birthday. Sounds like a ton of separate things that will just overwhelm her.

Or hold some of DD’s back and save them for her birthday?

At 8 I don’t think you can expect him to understand that his gifts cost the same amount, he’ll just see that DS has more stuff. So yes I’d hold back some of her gifts or buy him more, so that it looks more even.

Anything practical he might need? Bits like pants and socks tick the useful and bulking up criteria.

Can you get him some other little bits like socks or a character flannel or matey bubble bath type things to even it up number wise without being expensive?

Why did you buy her a ton of “cheap” crap in the first place?
I won’t ask why you didn’t do the same for him because it’s ridiculous to do it for either of them.

God, why do people suggest pants and socks to redress the balance?
😁
What kid won’t feel shortchanged when he opens exciting looking parcels to find pants and socks?

Can you take back some of the stuff for your daughter? At four they don’t really need a lot of stuff and just want to get on with playing with it - too many presents can be overwhelming. Also, do you really want a house full of crap? Can you donate it to the school raffle?

Depending on dc understanding it may be a good time to start talking about cost of things and let them know that they get given 'the same' in value but not necessarily in amount.
I have 3 dc (youngest 16) and drip feeding this message has helped. Dc3 has asd and struggles with presents/doesn't want waste (and doesn't want anything). So although dc1 and 2 have more presents dc3 gets the equivalent made up in cash.

I do the same, creative wrapping helps things look a little more even (just until they're old enough to understand the difference between quality and quantity)

I agree with bundling your DD's presents more. As they get older, there's less to open. If you try to keep up with the piles, you'll fill the house with crap.

Creative wrapping is good. And then buy DS little bits like a cool bath bomb, chocolate, yoyo, decent card game you’ll all use like uno, dobble etc. little Lego person of himself maybe (I got one of these for my Lego loving son at a similar age).

I also have an DS8 and DD4.

At 8 he can 100% understand that his present cost mor.

DS is also into lego. He's presents in size and amount are smaller but he gets that lego is an expensive gift and that size or amount doesn't equate to more expense. He's understood for a few years that just because his sisters presents are bigger don't mean that santa / us / family member spent more / loves her more than him.

I also creative wrap like PP mentioned. So DS one lego set might be 2 barbie dolls for DD. Likewise his 8 books is only 2 books for DD.

I wouldn't buy him more, I'd give your daughter less - so they have the same number of presents.

I find with younger kids it is the amount not the value that they notice.
As for things being uneven in value, my son will be getting money to buy a car this Christmas (I guess I should really have that as a separate thing), which my DD will in turn. Other than that I try to make it about even in terms of value and amount. Other than the car money I spend less now than when they were little as they understand I’m not a money tree and what they want is more practical.

My kids didn’t! I always used to get socks and pants (often with character logos, as opposed to the cheaper undies I got the rest of the year) for my kids when they were little. Once they got older and didn’t care about the big Santa sack so much, I stopped. Kids complained… they liked getting their “nice” new undies and asked for them to carry on having them . My daughter still requested undies this year, although she’s a teen now so it’s all that Victoria Secrets stuff!

My dc are teens and I still make sure their presents look fair! Definitely they get the same number of gifts, even if there's a cost difference.

I'd see if you can group your dd's gifts to make a smaller number of parcels so they have the same.

Mine are in their twenties and I still give them a sack of presents 🤣

I just did the recount and DS had one more than DD so I have got her something else. I know it’s batshit and they definitely wouldn’t notice or care

He is old enough to understand his gift cost more.
I think they need to get the same amount of gifts ‘from’ Santa. But he’ll understand from you the gift cost more, just make sure you tell him in advance. Although if he doesn’t believe in Santa anymore (it’s a real mix of those who do and don’t at 8), I think he’ll understand his gift cost more.

You could hold a few things back for your DD and give her them another time. Don't try to get more for your DS as you'll need ideas for his birthday soon, it's easier to give her less than give him more. They'll have plenty I'm sure.

Don't be silly. Lego costs a fortune. He doesn't need stuff just for the sake of even piles. What are you going to do when DD is bigger and wants make-up and jewellery?

I have a similar situation. I could buy for DD 3 times over but my autistic son doesn’t really want anything, doesn’t like unnecessary spending and struggles getting things he doesn’t really want. I’ve stopped doing marked gift piles for each child to make the difference less noticeable (they get a stocking each but other things are mixed in the general tree pile). I have also been quite clear with him that he will get money if he doesn’t want gifts. Thankfully teenage DD gets a lot of smaller things these days so it doesn’t look as bad.

Trying to keep it equal is stressful especially with a 4 year age gap. When he is 14 he may just get a phone and stocking bits which will be alot less gifts than a 10 year old may get due to cost so start having chats now with him about how much things cost and that somethings may look little but cost a lot. We had a large age gap and ds knew that getting a phone, laptop etc was a huge gift and meant not lots of cheaper ones like his little brother. They both got play stations at different times for example and then only had one present but it was a great one!

I think it’s fine for her to have a few more because at 8 he will understand a big lego costs more than a barbie but at the same time I wouldn’t want her have a massive mountain to his small pile. I’d bundle together for wrapping or hold some stuff back. No point giving her loads of second hand toys if it’s going to cause issues between the siblings and I wouldn’t buy him random stuff for the sake of it or try pass underwear off as a present.

Thanks everyone. Yes this is the thing my son still has presents from last year I bought to make him feel like he had more (and that he’d like) and some of them are still in the cellophane. Might re wrap them as he’s probably forgot about them haha! He’d not be fussed by opening a toy car for example, where as DD is delighted with a £3.50 doll or some cheap play make up. They’ve both got a large Christmas bag full each but DD just seems to have a few more