To speak to SLT about this

[Wolverhamptonwanderer]

Name changed as possibly outing.

DD is in last year of primary. The school she goes to does an enormous performance once a year where only the year 6s act. The kids wait their entire school career to get parts in this play and are inevitably very excited once it’s their chance to perform. The school take this very seriously, and see it as a broader learning experience for the children. It’s a massive undertaking involving elabarote costumes made by parents and impressive props etc. and lasts for up to two hours.

School send home audition scripts with a letter to practice for the auditions. This is mandatory. DD is not the type you would automatically imagine as being on stage but she put in a huge amount of work to audition and as far as I could tell from our rehearsals, was objectively good. In the play there are main parts, medium parts and small parts. DD was very disappointed in the small part she was given. My opinion was C’est la vie, not everyone can get big parts at least you tried your best etc, although obviously slightly disappointed on her behalf.

The school spends over a month rehearsing.
DD has spent this entire month miserable and down right upset. Primarily because she’s bored out of her mind having spent a month waiting around having to watch those with bigger parts perform whilst only having one or two lines herself, and her confidence has slowly ebbed away. But also because it’s been so hyped up, she’s been in tears nearly every bedtime about how this was the one chance she had to perform and she’s only got two lines.

Shes a really resilient kid already. She rolls with every punch going. She puts herself forward for things and doesn’t get them all the time with no complaints. Obviously we make sure we talk to her about how she can find enjoyment out of this, or at least some positives to take away.

The school talk about how this experience builds kids up and teaches them all sort of skills like being able to deal with setbacks. I agree that’s a great thing to teach, but in DDs case all it’s seem to have done is destroy her confidence. But DD has talked about feeling judged by the teachers and how they only care about the kids with the big parts. I’ve started to feel incredibly resentful towards the school. I don’t give a fig about the school performance, or how big my child’s part is. What I do care about is how this has knocked her confidence so much.

AIBU to speak with the school and expect them to do some work to put right some of what they’ve undone.

As a headteacher, i think a simple word to the teachers organising it about how its knocks her confidence would suffice. It's very likely they've no idea how your DD is feeling or interpreted the teachers' actions. I think going to SLT about it is a bit too far. Of course, if you speak to teachers and nothing changes then escalate it further.

Have a look for drama classes outside of school.

Ok that’s helpful @miniworry

She doesn’t want drama classes though. She just wanted to feel involved in something that the school massively hypes up, makes mandatory and all the kids get excited about.

Well she can't get everything she wants but if she's truly interested in drama and performing, she may learn to love it.

It's worth a try.

It does seem a bit ridiculous to force the kids who have minor parts to be involved in the constant rehearsals where they are essentially just watching their classmates perform the roles they weren’t able to get. How boring and what a waste of actual learning time.

I don’t come from an education background but as a parent I think I’d be pissed off about the level of hype when only a few kids are actually going to benefit from it. I’d definitely put your points across to the school. It may not help your dd at this stage but perhaps it could help a child in the same position in the coming years.

Wait until after the performance. The buzz they ALL get, no matter what their role, from the performance massively outweighs any negatives over not getting the role they wanted/boring rehearsals. Once she's performed on stage, all this will be a distant memory.

I'd be having a word with the SLT to ask why this performance was allowed to take up so much time, wasted time for the DC with small parts, and become so all consuming. When I was at primary school they did similar, driven by teachers who were into this sort of thing. However it was only the DC with the main parts who had to devote weeks to it. Everyone else carried on as normal unless a scene included their part.

@TinselTitts I’ve literally said In my post that she is always putting herself forward for things that she doesn’t get, and deals with it just fine.

@Yesimmoaningaboutbenefits thank you. I have said that to her, and really hoping that’s the case! It’s good to hear you think it will be. I also think there’ll just be a massive sense of relief that it’s all over. I’ve had her in years again this evening saying she just wishes it was over. I just sometimes think the school has lost sight of who this is actually for.

Blimey, that’s life, isn’t it?

I remember a school play which took up English class for a whole term. 30 kids in the class, 27 had parts in the play. The other 3 (including me) sat about and chatted while they rehearsed. We weren’t traumatised and I’m not sure my parents even knew.

As I’ve said, I don’t care about what part she got. I think the reality is that she wouldn’t either if the school didn’t make such a huge deal of it. I can’t understate how massive it is in terms of the school and its students. It literally lasts for 2 hours, everyone talks about it from the beginning of each term until it’s performed, and the kids wait their entire school life to perform in it. There’s no other school plays at any point in the school experience. Everything is put into this one thing, with HUGE amounts of parental involvement.

She is involved with it though. Surely she’s not the only person with a smaller part? Does she think less of the other people who didn’t get a lead role? Does she think the teachers have a problem with every child they didn’t give a lead role to? Your dd needs help to get some perspective.

What country are you in?

I understand the disappointment.

Can I ask another question?

What's her attendance like?

What do you want the school to do about it now ? They can’t roll back the excitement and the fact they’ve made a massive deal about it. You need to speak to your DD and offer some perspective not everyone can get a huge part. She’ll be off to secondary school next year where she’ll be a smaller fish in a bigger pond. She will need to learn how to deal with things.

Exactly. OP, I don’t think you are helping her by pandering to this. You should be helping her understand that life isn’t always fair and she won’t always get what she wants or even deserves.

@Celestialmoods i agree in principal. However I think it’s really hard to get perspective because of how intense the whole experience is. It’s literally been taking over their whole school experience for the last 4 weeks.

Dd is really good at having perspective. It’s definitely not something she generally struggles with.

Id she had a bigger part would you have an issue with the amount of curriculum time it consumes.

DD1 revealed this weekend that she has zero confidence in her singing because whenever she auditioned for solos at Stagecoach she didn't get them. Now she doesn't audition at all for them.

It is interesting how kids can interpret stuff differently to adults and this is a really good example - if they are going to make such a massive deal of it then the parts need to be way more evenly allocated. Otherwise the small parts feel like they have missed their opportunity for this absolutely amazing thing (whereas adults know it probably isn't amazing at all 😅)

I do wonder if its more than just the play.

Do you think the realisation is hitting home of moving to senior school too?

Honestly we have been. Only tonight I told her about how she’ll probably only get a tiny proportion of things she goes for. But that we’re proud of how hard she’s tried and that’s what counts.

I don’t think we’re pandering to her. I think we’re seeing a kid who’s really reasonable, with little to no ego, have their confidence shot by an experience that is meant to be “character building”

Tbh yes!

I think you’ve articulated more clearly what I’ve been trying to say!

I also think this is at play too (no pun intended)

I could have written this EXACT post last year on behalf of my DD. Exactly the same situation, to the point where I was reading it thinking ‘did I post about this and forget’ 🤔🤣

My DD was so upset at the incredibly small part she had, particularly as they had given larger parts out to the Y5s, even though it has always been a Y6 performance. My DD too rehearsed and rehearsed and she even wanted me to video her, which I did, and send it to the teachers, which I didn’t, but I explained why.

I’m not a pushy mum or one of those ‘but my Charlize should have the biggest/best part!’ Despite what this post may seem, but like your daughter, my DD was so upset and it just didn’t make sense given the rehearsing we’d done at home and how excited she was to audition.

I ended up having a conversation with the drama teacher, and it turned out that my DD had a crisis of confidence during rehearsals and didn’t want to audition, she eventually did when they let them read their lines rather than have to remember them. The school didn’t want to put children front and centre who they felt might get stage fright and it be made so much worse having all those people looking at her, they said she could help backstage and have a dancing part as well if she wanted but they had to put the well-being of the child first and didn’t want to put my DD in a situation where she wasn’t comfortable.

I was so glad I spoke to the teacher as it all made sense, I was able to manage my DDs expectations and she had a clearer understanding of why she didn't get a bigger part. The teacher offered to speak to my DD about it but I left it at me managing it. In the end my DD only made one of three performances due to other priorities that we wouldn’t have felt comfortable choosing had she had a bigger part so it all turned out for the best in the end.

I hope your DD manages to get some understanding as to why it’s turned out the way it has, I know what you’ll both be feeling right now.

These y6 plays are a nightmare for the kids who can't/don't get decent parts.

It was years ago now but my child was so shy they couldn't even participate at all. And all they did was practice for it.. especially once SATS were over.

It's a nice thing but I wish it was a bit more casual.. it doesn't need to be the massive deal it is with makeup, lighting, costumes etc.

Anyway be glad she's got a few lines and she isn't one of those kids who simply can't take part. Being completely excluded was a whole lot worse believe me.