To speak to SLT about this

[Wolverhamptonwanderer]

Name changed as possibly outing.

DD is in last year of primary. The school she goes to does an enormous performance once a year where only the year 6s act. The kids wait their entire school career to get parts in this play and are inevitably very excited once it’s their chance to perform. The school take this very seriously, and see it as a broader learning experience for the children. It’s a massive undertaking involving elabarote costumes made by parents and impressive props etc. and lasts for up to two hours.

School send home audition scripts with a letter to practice for the auditions. This is mandatory. DD is not the type you would automatically imagine as being on stage but she put in a huge amount of work to audition and as far as I could tell from our rehearsals, was objectively good. In the play there are main parts, medium parts and small parts. DD was very disappointed in the small part she was given. My opinion was C’est la vie, not everyone can get big parts at least you tried your best etc, although obviously slightly disappointed on her behalf.

The school spends over a month rehearsing.
DD has spent this entire month miserable and down right upset. Primarily because she’s bored out of her mind having spent a month waiting around having to watch those with bigger parts perform whilst only having one or two lines herself, and her confidence has slowly ebbed away. But also because it’s been so hyped up, she’s been in tears nearly every bedtime about how this was the one chance she had to perform and she’s only got two lines.

Shes a really resilient kid already. She rolls with every punch going. She puts herself forward for things and doesn’t get them all the time with no complaints. Obviously we make sure we talk to her about how she can find enjoyment out of this, or at least some positives to take away.

The school talk about how this experience builds kids up and teaches them all sort of skills like being able to deal with setbacks. I agree that’s a great thing to teach, but in DDs case all it’s seem to have done is destroy her confidence. But DD has talked about feeling judged by the teachers and how they only care about the kids with the big parts. I’ve started to feel incredibly resentful towards the school. I don’t give a fig about the school performance, or how big my child’s part is. What I do care about is how this has knocked her confidence so much.

AIBU to speak with the school and expect them to do some work to put right some of what they’ve undone.

Thanks you, it’s really helpful to
hear from those who’ve experienced this.

We’re not pushy at all, and absolutely not the type of parents to speak to the teachers. In fact I think we’ve only done it once in all of my children’s school experiences so far.

I am able to see this for what it is, I’m not daft. But when you have a child who’s ended up feeling really awful after an experience that’s been hyped as being the best of your school experience, I do think the school need to take a look at how they manage things.

I think the problem is that it’s so hyped up. I try to keep my kids feet on the ground - not everyone can have a big part. If it’s them that’s great but if it’s not that’s great too - we all have different strengths. Your DD has got caught up in the hype - understandably and then feels let down. I do think you’re wise to consider what else might be fuelling the fire though. It’s a milestone for her and a constant reminder that she’ll be leaving that school. While schools often think marking that with some big thing helps kids transition for many kids it’s like a giant clock ticking down.

I’d start helping her talk about how she’s feeling not just about the show but all the things it means for her - it may be she thinks she was given a small part because it’s a reflection that she’s not well liked, or they don’t think she’s good enough rather than the practicalities of finding a part for however many kids.

Have a chat to her teacher about how her audition went so you can give your DD encouragement - you did really well but so did all these other kids. I know it’s hard to see her upset but dealt with in the right way it will be character building for her. Building character often comes through disappointment rather than success, she’s a bit young to have to learn that, but here we are.

I’m sorry your DD is feeling this way, it’s understandable. I’m also horrified at the idea of having to sit through two hours of it as a parent 😱

My DD had similar at Primary. In Yr5, they were told those who got smaller parts would have bigger ones in Yr6 and vice versa. In Yr6... they said the same pupils should have them as they did such good jobs the year before... then allocated everything else alphabetically, so Yr3s got big parts and a couple of Yr6s were just standing around in the background.

Yr6 was endured, not enjoyed. Fortunately her Secondary school is big on awarding merit and their confidence has soared there.

I lost a lot of respect for the head teacher that year. If your child was "in" it was brilliant. Everyone else was ignored.

I think its too early to see the benefit of the character building. The situation is still live and still disappointing. But this time will pass, she will have fun doing other things, and it is just a school play. She might even enjoy the performance.

Any character building would be possibly years down the line, when she isnt pikcked for something else, or fails a mock and she reflects back that she got through this feeling before. Her mum helped her deal with the emotions that were real, but she was ok. The world didnt end. She had stuff outside of school to do, a loving mum etc.

But aside from that these overly important plays are a bit shit for most pupils and whilst I wouldnt be saying to the school 'you sort out her knocked confidence' i might point out there's a lot of year 6 left and those with minor roles need some motivators and things to look forward to and opportunities for success as well. Id also ask if she could get involved with other aspects (sound, light, costumes) etc if the play is all that matters

so If it’s Alice in wonderland is there only one Alice? And one queen of hearts? If so, they’re doing it wrong!

my school has nearly 60 y6 kids and they all get a big or medium part as they split the roles. For instance, there were 7 Alice’s (so although it was the title role, they did a section each - the ‘bigger’ Alice roles included a song) there was no main star. The same for the other roles. The ‘small’ roles were given where requested or several to a child. When each main part wasn’t in their starring scene they joined the ensemble.

Yes exactly that. I think occasionally they might split one part in to two, so they might have 2 Alices, but definitely not 7. And essentially both Alices would be the biggest parts still.

BUT as I say, it's really not about the size of the part. It's about how much hype is put on the kids, and how the children who don't have big parts are made to just wait and watch others for a whole 4 weeks.

I understand the need for resilience, and accepting you don't always get what you want (even if you try really hard).

I know in the grand scheme of things this will seem like the tinies part of DD's life experience. I know we will probably have many more moments like this. But for now I'm concerned with how much the experience has really smashed her confidence. I will speak to her teacher, and see what he says. I won't lay the blame at anyones door, but I will be honest with how she feels.

Really sorry to hear that, but delighted that your daughter is thriving in secondary school. I hope that is also the case with DD.

It's actually 4 hours because each class do two performances. 😳

Thank you @Fearfulsaints this makes sense and is really helpful.

Perhaps some constructive feedback might change how they do this in future though. I can think of nothing worse than being forced to watch rehearsals of a show I’m barely featuring in for weeks on end. It sounds like the hype surrounding this event is actually quite unhealthy.

What a drag. I can see where she is coming from- it does sound like huge hype and the climax of primary.... Gawd. Doesn't sound like she has an issue with resilience or dealing with disappointment.... It's an uncomfortable feeling so maybe just some time is needed?

Or is there another way to contribute in addition to her speaking part? Could she suggest to design tickets, flyers or arrange to do a fundraising drinks table at the even with the other 'small speaking part' kids? Or help to make the costumes?

My dc often had smaller parts but because they did them well they got extra lines added or got to do more like handing something to someone. Most dc will have smaller parts, the point is to shine the best you can.

Thanks @Crazybigtoe those are all great suggestions, but the posters have already been produced by a child at school (chosen by the art teacher), and costumes are so insane they are made by parents at the school.

I might put my thinking cap on to see if there's something else she might be able to offer help with.

I really am hoping that as a previous poster mentioned, once the buzz of the play happens she'll actually see it as having been a positive experience.

And as I need to reiterate, its really not about the size of the part!

The school sounds utterly bonkers to put so much emphasis on a yr 6 play!
When my children were in yr 6, the children who didn’t have a big part or didn’t want one altogether, were part of the singing and dancing ensemble. Is that the case at your daughter’s school?

No, such thing @rainbowstardrops

In that case, they don’t sound very inclusive.

This happened to my son in his Year 6 play. They basically had the play split so that they were 4-5 of each character (imagine 5 Joseph's and 5 Mary's etc etc). They told all the kids they'd each get equal billing and made a huge deal of it.

My son was given Joseph 1 and in his section he had one line. Every other Joseph had about 20 lines so he was absolutely gutted. It is the literally the only time I've seen him so upset about something like this - he said he felt completely left out of it.

I wrote to his class teacher - I wasn't actually asking her to change anything (I can imagine its an impossible task organising it), I just wanted to point out that he was upset. I didn't get a reply but after the play she said "I hope you saw that I took your letter on board even though I didn't reply".

They'd engineered it so that the kids got to be on stage for a lot more than the script suggested (no extra lines but being involved and on stage).

Not sure whether I did the right thing but I'm glad I wrote to her.

YABU. They can't all have the main parts and teachers will obviously need to spend more time with those kids. Sounds like DD has her part totally nailed down.

It's not about the size of the part!!!!!

I’m wondering if this is my primary school as I had this experience as a kid. I was forced to be a narrator with a very minor part and had to wear a fucking bedsheet for a costume because I couldn’t sing and it was a month of hell having to sit in the school hall every day, bored out of my mind!

You’re not based in Birmingham are you? Ha