Sad about not being involved in daughter’s wedding.

[Whoopdedoop]

DD (31) has been engaged for a while and is now planning the wedding. We don’t live close, and I just feel sad that I’m not involved in anyway. She’s not asked my opinion, or shared ideas with me. Her MIL is more involved because she is highly strung and involves herself in everything, whereas as I am more laid back and do whatever I can to make DD life easier, and fit in with whatever she wants. I now think this may have been a mistake because if I was more insistent, I’d be considered.

I know it’s her day, I’d just like to be a little more involved. We gave money when they got engaged but they used that for a house, now they are getting married using inheritance from her partner’s family.

Just posting because I feel sad really ☹️

I'd message the MIL and give her a bit of a reality check. Something friendly and neutral: "We're really excited about the kids' wedding, isn't it lovely? Just thinking how best we can help."

If she's got any wits about her, she will suggest something, or realise that actually, yes, the MOB should have some involvement and back off a bit. If she is entirely thick and says no, we've got everything covered thanks, then you can't control crazy (your poor DD will have a lifetime of it. Deep breaths when the grandchildren arrive).

The only thing you can do then is say to DD, 'whatever you want, we are happy, and would love, to help. Just ask.'
And never 'yuk' any of her ideas (unless she wants a funfair).

My mum wrote emails to far flung family telling me how competent I was and that I didn’t need her help….. I’d have loved if she’d shown an interest just once.

Please make sure before you presume she doesn’t want help.

If your Dd is finding her mil a bit too much then maybe you can be a calming influence about things, your Dd might need to stop telling her so much or give her a specific job, your dd is probably overwhelmed just keep checking in,

Tell her you want to be involved. Stop being a wet wipe!

I'd arrange to take your daughter out and talk to her and let her know how you feel and also probably offer something concrete so that 'thinking of something for mum to do' doesn't get added to her list.

Or write to her....put down what you've said (maybe be more diplomatic about the MIL)....

When is the wedding approx obviously, what exactly do you want to be involved with or do you want just to be kept up to date with plans.

Totally get this, OP. My dd lives abroad with her boyfriend and this will be me in a few years