40th birthday party blip

[PennysPowers]

My husband invited some family up for my 40th birthday party on Friday. It was lovely to see my sisters and their husbands and children and my own parents. Also, my husbands parents came too.

We had planned a night out over the weekend but after Friday, I felt so sad. When arriving at the party, my inlaws, who were first to arrive said happy birthday etc but when father in law saw my daughters the first thing he says is long time no see and then mother in law announced the death of her former colleague who had died a few hours before on my actual birthday. She then went on to tell me about the woman, her age and about her children and how she shares a birthday with Mil and my husband. She then went on to talk about other people who have died recently (young women and mothers). I could feel a lump in my throat and the tears ready. I just felt terribly sad and sorry for these women. And now I feel self absorbed for feeling this way - I feel for these women and their children and families and i just feel sort of guilty for even wanting a party and a chance to celebrate with my own children. MIL then showed me a photo of the woman who had died (her beautiful smile staring back at me). I just felt the tears coming and havent been able to get her out of my mind (and I have never met this woman but feel such pain for her family). Am I being a horrible person for being annoyed at this (I know I have empathy been I truly feel for this famly). I know death comes to us all. It's just that I feel I was confronted with the reality of it at my party (a small crowd round at the house to mark the milestone).

Sorry for the rant. I said to ny dh about it and he didnt say anything. Mil did the same on evening of our wedding anniversary, talking abiut the death of another local woman who has died. Is this just what people do? Am I being ridiculously petty?

Like, yes I'm an adult and I'm 40 so I should know to give people a piece if my heart readily if they need it and be supportive and also, usually I fele it important to mention people's names who have passed and hear about them.

Then there's the feeling that my birthday was just so sad and I missed the chance to laugh and share all the great things I am so thankful to have in my life. Its like this massive dampener hanging over me.

OP, this sounds more like an underlying issue between you and your MIL rather than the deaths of these women. You speak of conflicting feelings and I can see why.

It sounds like poor social etiquette on your mil's part. I think there's a time and a place to discuss recent deaths and a 40th birthday party isn't it, especially to the guest of honour. Some boundaries have been crossed here.

Sounds like your mil was in shock at the death of her colleague and she was like a deer in the headlights. Not sure why she had to tell other people at the party though if she had already told you, her way of conversation? This sounds like a much deeper dil/mil issue and you have perceived this as a slight? Yes, as pp's said people talk about death during social interactions but think in this instance, unnecessary and inappropriate at a birthday.

As pp said, next time do something else for your birthday.

Sending birthday wishes 🎂

Mil is a weirdo who can't read the room and you're over sensitive.

That last bit sounded harsh, I meant do something else for special occasions where you won't be around people who talk about such heavy topics at celebratory events. I dont think that's being fake, it's just social etiquette and it doesn't make you a bad person for not thinking about these women. It just means you have healthy boundaries.

Honestly there is nothing wrong with just wanting to be happy and leave troubles at the door for a few hours, especially on your brithday! It's like if oyu are going through some trauma and someone brings it up on a night out - sometimes you just want to enjoy the present and not focus on something sad.