For reporting man at gym

[Senso]

Back story is that I noticed a young woman, probably in her mid 20s being harassed by an older man in his 60s. When I say harassed, I mean that she obviously was uncomfortable with him trying to make conversation with her whilst she was working out.

I have noticed the same man hitting on other young women at the gym and one of them referred to him as a “sex pest”.

Was I unreasonable to have reported him to a staff member?

No.

I think you already know the answer. What did they say when you reported him?

The staff member was shocked and said that they would have a word with him.

I think this man is lonely and socially awkward rather than with ill intent.

So is he sex pest or socially awkward?

Why do you think that? Does he also bother the older women and the men? These 'loney' men generally are only loney for the company of younger women.

What I saw, he was making the young woman feel uncomfortable but she was too polite to tell him that she didn’t want to talk.

The “sex pest” comment came from another woman I spoke to when I asked her if she knew this man.

If he was lonely he could have chatted to the men too. Was he “ socially awkward”
with them?

Stupid, deluded fool. Why will some of them never learn?

Exactly. That’s why I reported him. He needs to learn.

I know a little bit about his background which is that he is divorced and used to be very successful but has fallen on a few years of hard times since the pandemic. He is clearly looking for dates but hitting on women young enough to be his granddaughter is 🤮

Not unreasonable at all. I've reported men for filming women in the gym. I also reported a man for "helping" a younger male with weights. The younger male was on the bench press, minding his business with his headphones in, the older male walked up to the younger male and was essentially groping his arms. I reported it to the gym staff as the younger male seemed embarrassed. If you're in the gym, look out for one another.

Did you think this woman was not capable of dealing with the situation for herself? Did she ask for your assistance?

If the response to either, or both, of these questions is “no”, then don’t you think that by depriving this woman of agency and infantilizing her, you might be overstepping the mark?

Funny how all of these lonely and socially awkward men will only ever talk to the young, pretty girls, isn’t it. They’re never striking up a conversation with the middle aged bloke sweating away on the treadmill. I wonder why that is?

• this

I was at a work event in my 20s and I had to share a taxi with a man in his late 50s/early 60s at the time. The dickhead jumped me in the taxi- still must stronger than me. I was terrified about going into work as he was very senior, but luckily he didn't know my name.

Took me 15 years to report it to the police.

You did the right thing.

She didn’t ask for help but she shared her experience of this man with me and didn’t want to report him in case it made life difficult for her at the gym.

I reported a man.in a similar situation. He was banned from the club as more women came forward.

I remember something similar happening to
me in my early 20’s. It completely put me off
going and o never went back. Mercifully at 55 I only get it very occasionally now. Headphones, no eye contact and look unapproachable. That on top of my age seems to keep the majority away.

YANBU op. If he is simply lonely then he needs to look for conversation elsewhere and pick up when he’s making someone uncomfortable. It’s really not hard to spot. Unfortunately the whole ‘gym dad’ thing has been sold on social media as acceptable. Another expectation for young women to ‘be nice’ to older men when they really just want to be left alone.

YANBU. Good on you for reporting him. Bet he’s not hassling guys his own age at the gym for company 🙄

You've gone from "sex pest" to "lonely and socially awkward".

🙄

How could you have been unreasonable? I don’t really understand your question. You’re passing on a concern to someone else. You have no power over how or whether they respond to that.

I'm another who wants to ask OP if she sees him chatting to men and women nearer his age.

Or are young girls the only cure for his "loneliness"?

It’s not up to OP to diagnose the situation though. She’s passing on a concern. That is the extent of her involvement and her power. The gym staff will investigate, or not, act on their findings, or not. Their chosen course of action might or might not please OP.

OP does not need perfect insight Into the situation and motivation. Having this would give her no more power over the outcome.

She’s reporting observed behaviour, that’s all she has and all she needs.

Could be both. Either way his behaviour is unacceptable

So I wonder what the intent is behind all the posters saying ‘yes but… is he this or that, what’s his pattern of behaviour, his motivation?’

Is this the conversation moving on, comparing to your own experiences, after immediately acknowledging that OP was right to report? Hope so.

If you’re saying ‘unless you have played detective and investigated his pattern of behaviour, you should not have reported him’ you are being ridiculous and a danger to others, by prioritising male reputation over female safety.

You would also be massively overestimating your and others’ powers to achieve your preferred / imagined outcome by simply passing on a factual observation.

Thats as much to OP as other posters.

You would also be massively overestimating your and others’ powers to achieve your preferred / imagined outcome by simply passing on a factual observation.

@lottiegarbanzo

I don’t understand what you mean by this