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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have found this entitled and rude?!

40 replies

Percypigsyumyum · 07/12/2025 00:08

My husband and I took our kids to Disney on ice this evening, it was a packed arena with loads of kids with those noisy light up toys, generally very noisy and chaotic.
The show had just started, and the mum of the family in front of us turned around and shouted at my daughter to stop screaming. She said her son was autistic and couldn’t deal with screaming. She was aggressive and rude to the point she made me 11 year old daughter cry. My husband told her she had no right to speak to my daughter and if she had a problem she needed to speak to one of us as an adult. She then pulled a grumpy face and turned back around.
My daughter wasn’t screaming, she was cheering to the show, along with hundreds of other people in the audience. But after this interaction she was very quiet and it did ruin the first part of the night for her. The little boy had no ear defenders or anything to suggest he might struggle with noise (there were literally loads of kids with ear defenders on as it was obviously very noisy!) The mum seemed bang out of order to me and the whole attitude seemed so entitled.
I am all for accommodating people and their needs, but this seemed to rude and entitled to me. I was so, so angry for the way she spoke to my daughter. I really felt that if you’re choosing to bring your child to an event like this then it is on you as a parent to ensure that they can cope, having an SEND child doesn’t lead you can berate other people around you surely?!

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/12/2025 00:09
bitch slap GIF

She is an actual madwoman

Sunflower459 · 07/12/2025 00:15

It was rude, yes. Unrealistic expectation of quiet. I’m ND. I find noisy places and chaos triggering, so I avoid them. Yes, it means I have to miss out on some stuff. But there are reasonable expectations of accommodation and there are unreasonable expectations, and hers were the latter. You can’t expect an arena full of excitable kids to be quiet.

Theunamedcat · 07/12/2025 00:22

Cant be that noise sensitive with no ear defenders

I carry my sons with me if we go to events like that because im not taking any other child's enjoyment away due to my child's need

LemaxObsessive · 07/12/2025 00:38

She was rude yes but your daughter wailing and screaming must’ve been really annoying

ChristmasHug · 07/12/2025 00:43

Yes rude, and ridiculous thinking this wasn't going to be a loud event.

I will take your word for it that dd wasn't screaming. But this thread reminded me of a recent event we went to where the 4 young teens in the next block seemed to be taking turns to see who could scream the loudest, it was deafening and spoiled the event.

HoHoHo2023 · 07/12/2025 00:49

LemaxObsessive · 07/12/2025 00:38

She was rude yes but your daughter wailing and screaming must’ve been really annoying

It was a young child at Disney on ice. It should be expected.

Rizzz · 07/12/2025 00:55

Seriously, another SEND bashing thread?

Do you really need to ask a bunch of strangers if a clearly rude woman was clearly rude?

I genuinely wonder how some adults get through a day if they have to ask questions like this.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/12/2025 00:59

It's not OK for anyone to be screaming at an event. Cheering maybe, at the appropriate part, but not screaming. You say your DD wasn't, but why did the woman turn around to tell her not to? Why did she single her out? Her voice must have been louder than the others around her.
I think it's OK for an adult to ask a child directly to be quiet, but not to be rude or aggressive about it. It sounds like your DH was also aggressive. Of course she had a right to speak to your DD, she can speak to whoever she wants. But she should have been polite about it. And you should have told your DD to turn down the volume, and she should have apologised, even if the upset she caused was unintentional.

verycloakanddaggers · 07/12/2025 01:02

That's a horrible experience for your DD.
Don't waste energy trying to make sense of the woman's behaviour, it wasn't reasonable to treat a child that way. I'd assume some underlying reason, doesn't make it ok but the point is it wasn't your fault or your DD's fault.

Fountofwisdom · 07/12/2025 01:06

@Percypigsyumyum she was rude and entitled and I’m sorry she shouted at your daughter. Nasty woman. Everyone on here defending her is talking crap. An adult should never shout at a child like this - and why single out your DD? As you say, it will have been incredibly noisy there with lots of excited children.

If she couldn’t manage her son’s needs in that environment that was on her.

Is your DD ok now? I hope she was able to enjoy the rest of her evening after that.

Fountofwisdom · 07/12/2025 01:11

DelphiniumBlue · 07/12/2025 00:59

It's not OK for anyone to be screaming at an event. Cheering maybe, at the appropriate part, but not screaming. You say your DD wasn't, but why did the woman turn around to tell her not to? Why did she single her out? Her voice must have been louder than the others around her.
I think it's OK for an adult to ask a child directly to be quiet, but not to be rude or aggressive about it. It sounds like your DH was also aggressive. Of course she had a right to speak to your DD, she can speak to whoever she wants. But she should have been polite about it. And you should have told your DD to turn down the volume, and she should have apologised, even if the upset she caused was unintentional.

Absolute bullshit. It was Disney on Ice - hundreds of excited kids cheering and screaming, so what?

She’s NOT entitled to speak to whoever she wants actually. Her entitlement was the whole problem. She was a bully to a little girl.

I don’t think OP’s husband was aggressive and he was quite right to remonstrate with her; if the nasty cow had spoken to my 11 year old like that, I would have torn a strip off her.

And why the hell should OP’s DD apologise to a nasty, rude adult who has shouted at her? Give your head a wobble.

verycloakanddaggers · 07/12/2025 01:16

It's not OK for anyone to be screaming at an event.
Fans of The Beatles, Bay City Rollers, Take That, Westlife etc. missed this law.

Lavender14 · 07/12/2025 01:17

DelphiniumBlue · 07/12/2025 00:59

It's not OK for anyone to be screaming at an event. Cheering maybe, at the appropriate part, but not screaming. You say your DD wasn't, but why did the woman turn around to tell her not to? Why did she single her out? Her voice must have been louder than the others around her.
I think it's OK for an adult to ask a child directly to be quiet, but not to be rude or aggressive about it. It sounds like your DH was also aggressive. Of course she had a right to speak to your DD, she can speak to whoever she wants. But she should have been polite about it. And you should have told your DD to turn down the volume, and she should have apologised, even if the upset she caused was unintentional.

I'm not sure I agree. Ops dd was always going to be the loudest child cheering to that woman because she was the child sitting directly behind her. Therefore the closest and thus the loudest. There's a big difference between general cheering in an arena and cheering immediately behind you. Also, for all she knew ops dd could also have been ND and unable to contain excitement.

I agree that if she was worried about how her child would have reacted to the noise then she should have planned for that with ear defenders or if he couldn't tolerate those, maybe it's not the most appropriate event for him to be at if he'd be uncomfortable.

I would never question a child directly if their parent was there. I think as a parent I'd much prefer someone to question me rather than my child because that's an equal power dynamic and I can then decide whether it's fair and correct my child accordingly or is not fair and challenge it. Adults can be intimidating for children even when they're being nice and children often see adults as authoritative. So while you may think think you're making a reasonable request, others may disagree but a child isn't likely to question you on that. As a parent I'd feel like you overstepped and I'd be questioning why you chose to go directly to my child instead of to me and it would get my back up. Purely because I think people who know they're being a bit unreasonable are more likely to go directly to a child because they won't get push back compared to a parent and really they just want to get their own way which I think is exactly what this woman was doing.

Op I don't think your husband was aggressive. If an adult stranger made my child cry and intimidated them I'd have said exactly what he said. I think he was quite fair. I hope your dd still had a great time.

DorothReally · 07/12/2025 01:18

I was also at tonight’s show with my 5yo and we have been every year for the past 4 but I can honestly say I’ve never experienced any children screaming around us. All different ages and yes they’ll sing/dance/be excited when their favourite characters come on but I’ve never heard any of them screaming and I wouldnt allow my daughter to either. It is not okay that she spoke to your daughter so rudely but was she definitely not screaming? Kids show or not I don’t think anyone should have to listen to screaming in their ear

Pryceosh1987 · 07/12/2025 01:20

When i am angry i take in supplication and meditate on it.

Lavender14 · 07/12/2025 01:21

DorothReally · 07/12/2025 01:18

I was also at tonight’s show with my 5yo and we have been every year for the past 4 but I can honestly say I’ve never experienced any children screaming around us. All different ages and yes they’ll sing/dance/be excited when their favourite characters come on but I’ve never heard any of them screaming and I wouldnt allow my daughter to either. It is not okay that she spoke to your daughter so rudely but was she definitely not screaming? Kids show or not I don’t think anyone should have to listen to screaming in their ear

Edited

Op said her dd was cheering rather than screaming which does happen. We weren't there tonight but have been previously.

Shedeboodinia · 07/12/2025 01:25

My son is ND and the girl screaming sound is a major trigger for him. He would have a major meltdown. I actually don't take him to loud shows for this reason. I am very aware of his sensitivity to certain noises.
I actually would have never thought that a show like Disney on Ice would have people in the audience screaming for ages' or be particuarly loud, maybe this mum didn't think the croud would be like this.
I would have assumed that people just go and watch it like a theatre show and the crowd is just quiet. Like a west end show.
I would bring ear defenders if it was like a pantomime but honestly, I would have though disney on ice would be more like a west end show where the audience is silent and you just listen and watch.
Sounds like a total mismatch of expectations.

DorothReally · 07/12/2025 01:26

Lavender14 · 07/12/2025 01:21

Op said her dd was cheering rather than screaming which does happen. We weren't there tonight but have been previously.

Show quote history

Yeah cheering for sure but it’s such fine line between the 2 and I’d imagine to OP, it maybe didn’t register how loud DD was being if someone was angry enough to tell just that one child off. Completely not okay to lose temper at a kid’s show though regardless

WilfredsPies · 07/12/2025 02:04

I don’t think either side are completely in the right, or the wrong.

She shouldn’t have spoken to your daughter. You were right there, she should have spoken to you or your DH if she had a problem. You were right there, there was no excuse for her not to. And if her DS has noise sensitivity then she should make sure he has ear defenders so he doesn’t have to listen to it. As you don’t say that her DS was distressed by the noise, I suspect it might be her who was struggling with the noise.

Having said that, can you really, honestly say that she wasn’t screaming? It does seem very strange that in a venue full of children all making similar cheering sounds, she picks on your DD. I think most of us are guilty of it; if a child I love is yelling or squawking, I’m sitting there thinking that my little angel is just having fun and expressing himself. I know for a fact if it was anyone else’s child, I’d be wanting to stick knitting needles in my ears. I’d definitely be glaring at the parents.

Original poster
Percypigsyumyum · 07/12/2025 10:12

LemaxObsessive · 07/12/2025 00:38

She was rude yes but your daughter wailing and screaming must’ve been really annoying

Quite an obvious attempt to be nasty - I assure you my daughter wasn’t wailing and screaming - she was cheering.

OP posts:
CandyCaneKisses · 07/12/2025 10:15

I don’t know. Your daughter must have been especially irritating for her to react with such aggression (?).

Original poster
Percypigsyumyum · 07/12/2025 10:16

Rizzz · 07/12/2025 00:55

Seriously, another SEND bashing thread?

Do you really need to ask a bunch of strangers if a clearly rude woman was clearly rude?

I genuinely wonder how some adults get through a day if they have to ask questions like this.

No, not SEND bashing, or at least not intentionally. I admit I needed to vent my anger last night, this woman thought it was ok to shout at my daughter and ruin her night and used her son as the reason. That is not ok.
I totally get that many kids find those environments overwhelming and hard, if he had had a meltdown it would have been none of my business and I wouldn’t have had the audacity to tell her to quieten down her son because that’s plain nasty.

OP posts:
Sunflower459 · 07/12/2025 10:18

CandyCaneKisses · 07/12/2025 10:15

I don’t know. Your daughter must have been especially irritating for her to react with such aggression (?).

People don’t always deserve it when other people are aggressive to them. That’s not how the world works.

Original poster
Percypigsyumyum · 07/12/2025 10:19

Shedeboodinia · 07/12/2025 01:25

My son is ND and the girl screaming sound is a major trigger for him. He would have a major meltdown. I actually don't take him to loud shows for this reason. I am very aware of his sensitivity to certain noises.
I actually would have never thought that a show like Disney on Ice would have people in the audience screaming for ages' or be particuarly loud, maybe this mum didn't think the croud would be like this.
I would have assumed that people just go and watch it like a theatre show and the crowd is just quiet. Like a west end show.
I would bring ear defenders if it was like a pantomime but honestly, I would have though disney on ice would be more like a west end show where the audience is silent and you just listen and watch.
Sounds like a total mismatch of expectations.

This was maybe the problem - the whole show was louder than they expected. There was lots of cheering, and singing etc from the audience. The skaters said repeatedly ‘make some noise for…’, it wasn’t a quiet show.

OP posts:
Original poster
Percypigsyumyum · 07/12/2025 10:20

CandyCaneKisses · 07/12/2025 10:15

I don’t know. Your daughter must have been especially irritating for her to react with such aggression (?).

Possibly to her because she had a cheering child sitting right behind her. There was also several in front, around and hundreds across the stadium. Still not ok in my mind to shout at a child and make her cry.

OP posts: