Ending a friendship

[Waterhorse46]

Went out last night with two colleagues I thought were friends. One of them I’ve known longer, the other is a trainee she’s recently gotten close to.

Throughout the night I was basically being the responsible one — fixing her shoes multiple times, trying to order her a taxi because she was all over the place, making sure she was okay. In the end she and the trainee just flagged a cab down together and got in.

Not once — did either of them message to check I got home safe. I was stood there on my own waiting for mine.

Then today I see she’s created a little group chat with the trainee, called “Queens” (cringe enough already), and they’ve been chatting away like best mates. She’ll also ring me separately to moan about this same trainee, so clearly I’m only useful when she wants a sounding board.

The whole thing has really upset me. It just felt two-faced, dismissive and like they genuinely didn’t care whether I got home safely or not. And honestly it’s made me question the entire friendship.

To add to it — we all work together, so it’s going to be awkward now, but I just feel DONE. I’m too old for this weird mean-girl energy.

AIBU to cut them off and just stay polite at work? Because right now I’m thinking this behaviour is not what an actual friend does.

Oh and in this group chat they put “….(my name) isn’t even stunning anyway”

see she’s created a little group chat with the trainee, called “Queens”

of which you have been invited
and accepted

And you are part of this group?

actually I think I’ll duck out. All sounds like very silly nonsense from you all.

No been excluded

I’m not in it

So how do you know what’s being written?!

sounds like you had fun last night!

If you’re not in the group chat, how do you know about it and what’s been said?

I wonder how the op is going to answer that?!

How can you see this group if you aren’t in it?

Do you live in the same direction as these women? Or different direction, which is why you had to get different taxi?

I am confused!

Op didn’t think that through before starting the thread!

She opened it drunkenly in front of me

I’m totally confused but if you’re their manager you’re not friends anyway. You can be friends after that situation ends (I’ve had that with quite a few people) but not currently

Thankfully you are now aware that neither of them are your friend. They are simply work colleagues. Move on

Then today I see she’s created a little group chat with the trainee,

fibber!

You said you saw it today?

Op

as per your other thread

you have a hangover and you’re just stewing about stuff

get done fresh air

But your OP says “today I see” re the group chat. So not last night when you were all drunk.

You are their manager, right? So you should expect some degree of separation. You were all very drunk so it’s unsurprising they didn’t message you when they arrived home pissed.

I think maybe drinking alcohol doesn’t suit you.

How old are you OP? I’m going to guess you all have a bit of growing up to do.

Checking to see you get home okay... Gosh. I would find that infantilising and unnecessary. As an adult with agency, I would know how I am getting home, and would ensure that a sober person knows my plans (if I found that necessary). To put your safety in the hands of two drunk colleagues is irresponsible of you op, as you need to have your hand held, choose who is holding it better.

This makes sense- you’re so hungover you’re getting confused.

later OP- just have a solid think about your expectations. Don’t put yourself out for others (if you did) and bitterly resent it. Just look out for yourself

I wasn’t drunk I had 2. The issue is the area I was in has had multiple stabbing and when you’re drinking it’s just the right thing to do to say did you get back ok

Any response re how you know about the messages that you saw today?

Or just wait as a group and let the person who’s alone get in first. Rather I’m trying to sort someone else’s transport. They then fall all over the place and I’m helping and they get together with the other person and left me there waiting while I sort them out. Not only that but they then go off and leave me alone

Of course you can be friends when one of you is the manager.

My manager and I have been friends for years. I've had a number of friendships over the years with people on other grades above or below me

One of our colleagues was married to our previous boss. (Well, still is married to her but boss now works elsewhere)