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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sick with worry about multiple things. What is wrong with me?

30 replies

CrumpleCrumble · 06/12/2025 00:29

I basically fixate on something that could happen. Something that would basically ruin my life. It can be anything. I can make a minor mistake at work and blow it up to me thinking I might get sacked. And don’t get me started on the health worries I have about my kids. One of my children has medical issues, and I worry about her a lot. Then my other child is very clumsy and acts without thinking, and I worry about her.

I worry about my marriage. Panic about doing something to mess that up. We are a very happy couple, but I’ll find scenarios where I could lose it all.

I hide all of this from the outside world. I present as happy and fun. Not the most extravert, but somewhere in the middle. No one knows the fact that I’ll see a dodgy looking mole on my daughter’s arm and then fear the worst. Each time I work myself into a frenzy over something, I remind myself of how much I worried about the thing before, but then convince myself “but that thing wasn’t as bad as this one.” When things are really bad, I question the purpose of life. I would never, ever take my own life, but I worry that I am sitting waiting for that awful phone call that will come one day.

I have had some trauma, where I nearly lost my sister when she was just 32. She was in Intensive care as she has epilepsy and went into status epilepticus. M I don’t think this is the trigger, but maybe it is?

Despite not opening up to loved ones, I have quietly been going to therapy about all of this, but no improvement yet.

Has anyone been through this and could help me with some suggestions of ways to get better from this. Life is just passing me by and I am missing out on the joy that those around me are experiencing. I want to feel happy.

OP posts:
cocoloco12 · 06/12/2025 00:42

No solutions but following with interest as I can often feel similar. Worrying is a horrible thing when it's like this.

lickingfingertastingfood · 06/12/2025 00:44

Suggest you try a group or solo mindfulness course. It helped me a great deal.

Infracat · 06/12/2025 00:44

I am like this too. Its really hard.

FavouritePJs · 06/12/2025 00:46

This is what I’m like and it’s utterly exhausting, I have no answers sadly.

User5306921 · 06/12/2025 00:47

I am like this too. I probably was the same even before kids but I am definitely getting worse as i get older and have really started to have huge health anxiety in particular.

Oooobigstretch · 06/12/2025 00:49

I was like this. I tried CBT but the only thing that worked for me was medication. I would see your GP.

Original poster
CrumpleCrumble · 06/12/2025 01:28

Sorry to hear so many are feeling like this. I just feel like I’m robbing myself of the happy moments in life.

OP posts:
Bobloblawww · 06/12/2025 01:45

You have generalised anxiety and need meds and therapy.

StruggleFlourish · 06/12/2025 01:49

You're not wrong in what you said. Your intrusive thoughts ARE robbing you out of the happiness of life.

OriginalUsername2 · 06/12/2025 01:58

Sertraline has done wonders for my anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

Understanding what anxiety is - your nervous system trying to keep you safe but getting it wrong - helps a lot. Before I understood that I honestly thought I was losing my sanity.

I have mentally trained myself too. If I get an intrusive thought I say to my brain “Wow, that was unnecessary!” and purposely think of a nice, happy thought like my DD laughing, my DP being lovely, etc.

A bout of anxiety is met with “It’s okay, everything’s okay” as if the anxiety is a nervous little blob that lives inside me and see’s everything as danger.

I also heard someone on a podcast talking about how they can put off worrying and I taught myself to do that too. You can start with “I’ll worry about this tomorrow” and work your way towards “I’ll worry about that if it happens”.

Worrying is mostly a waste of time, it doesn’t cause or prevent bad things happening. That fact helped me. If there’s nothing practical I can do, it’s out of my hands.

It’s also helped that some bad things have happened and we got through them.

These have genuinely helped me. I used to have it so bad my body would be shaking and my stomach felt like it was being crushed. It was debilitating. It’s taken a few years but I rarely get anxious now.

chickenfucker · 06/12/2025 08:55

Exactly the same, it is generalised anxiety disorder. Mine is mainly about work but also health anxiety. I catastrophise many things, always worrying about what would be the worst case scenario, but I also have a job that I can't afford to lose without upending my life completely, losing my home etc and I'm sure it stems from that underlying fear of not having financial security even though I'm a high earner (v expensive mortgage and not much equity.) Anti-depressants have helped but I tend to come off them periodically and then it's so stressful getting that sorted again, I just need to accept I need them for life really. Oh, I can't drive anywhere either as I'm terrified of getting abused by other drivers, not being able to park etc. I physically shake so I can't work the pedals. That is quite debilitating! It alll does make life pretty miserable. I was up at 3 worrying about a work email I'd sent as I think I may have made a mistake through rushing something I should have taken time over (hugely time pressured role for delivering the output needed) but I can't do anything else til Monday anyway so I need to let it go. I also have suicidal thoughts but not serious, as in if I lost my job I couldn't cope and it would be so much easier not to be alive. And the shame of it, telling my parents etc. But also there would be a sort of freedom in having to sell up, move north, start again I suppose. Sorry that was a massive rant! But you are not alone, it's not that unusual, and meds will help.

Purplepepsi · 06/12/2025 09:21

Eurgh. Anxiety is the worst. Not sure on your age but mine was triggered by perimenopause and now I'm on HRT I feel so much better. I was 42 when it started. Meds are amazing and life changing!

Beautifulsunflowers · 06/12/2025 09:46

came on to say the same as @Purplepepsinow I’m on HRT my anxiety is so much more manageable and I can rationalise things much easier.
Id always been a ‘worrier’ but peri heightened it to a different level.
how old are you op?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 06/12/2025 09:48

Anxiety is awful

It sounds like you are at a point where medication is a good idea, and then see a counsellor to work on it. Cognitive behavioural therapy doesn't work for everything but it's generally effective for anxiety if you do the work.

Start by making an appointment with your GP

Calliopespa · 06/12/2025 09:51

I came to ask if you were perimenopausal too ...

Gardenalia · 06/12/2025 09:54

My DM was like you OP, she spent a large part of her life worrying. She did still enjoy her life though by grabbing the times when she could enjoy herself with both hands ie she taught herself to ‘park’ the worrying when the opportunity arose.

I think her worrying came from childhood trauma of growing up very remotely with two alcoholic bastards as parents…

You're doing the right thing by having therapy. Could you find a ‘worry group’ to join? My DD got 12 sessions on the NHS (South London) and it did seem to help her.

Helplessandheartbroke · 06/12/2025 09:54

I could have written this thread. I was finally diagnosed last year with OCD and GAD

Calliopespa · 06/12/2025 09:55

Another thing I would say is I do think the internet has quite a lot to do with this.

Once upon a time you didn't think about health unless it was troubling, then you went to a doctor and let them decide. But now we are bombarded with access to information we can't always analyse well.

And sites like this where the default answer to every relationship issue is your dp is obviously having an affair.

I just think internet brings a lot of anxiety into people's lives.

WelshRabBite · 06/12/2025 09:55

My first thought was perimenopause, for which HRT, diet and exercise has been a game changer for me; get a blood test booked in and find out if it’s menopause related.

However, even if it’s not, I would say a decrease in sugar intake, an increase in exercise, plus an improved diet and sleep pattern can work wonders; I’d start there before heading straight to pharmaceuticals.

BrunchBarBandit · 06/12/2025 09:57

My friend described herself like this, and she was diagnosed with OCD and found medication life changing.

OP please do go and see your GP.

JudgeBread · 06/12/2025 10:02

✨ Anxiety ✨

I was like this too and believed my (well meaning) mum when she told me that everyone worries about things and I just have to soldier on, meditate and get over it.

You actually don't. After my fifth Festive Panic Attack of the week December 2022 I decided enough was enough and went to see the doctor.

It took two years and three medication changes, but it's changed my life. I don't worry about everything constantly anymore, I don't catastrophise and spend my time thinking about the worst case outcome of any scenario I'm in.

I still feel nervous about normal things like job interviews and stuff, but my mind is so much calmer and more peaceful.

You don't actually have to just learn to live with this - there are options to help you.

Lemonysnickety · 06/12/2025 10:06

What you are describing is a coping mechanism albeit obviously not a healthy or good one. Your brain is training you to prepare for the absolute worst threat out there so you’ll be ready. It is a pretty common coping mechanism but there are other ones you can learn and use to replace this one. A decent therapist especially if you can find one recommended for hypnosis could be extremely helpful with helping you to address this pattern.

Spanglemum02 · 06/12/2025 10:07

It does sound like anxiety disorder. As others have said, please see your GP. Fluoxetine has really helped me and also propanolol for the panicky symptoms.

BadgernTheGarden · 06/12/2025 11:52

If you can do something about what's worrying you, do it, the worry is a lot less if you proactively confront it. And if you can't do anything about it, explain to yourself that you can't do anything about it so you might as well get on with life, repeat until you get it.

Itiswhysofew · 06/12/2025 12:00

I have a degree of this. Leaping to worst case scenarios. It's improved with age, but it's still my default position, though I've managed to train myself out of it, mostly, and having a DP who's the xact opposite does help.

I had CBT many years ago and did benefit from it.