To not tell my family

CandyCayne · 05/12/2025 23:57

No-one can say if you're doing the right thing but for what it's worth, it's what I think I would probably do too.

Do you have a friend you can confide in for support?

shellyleppard · 05/12/2025 23:57

@NotTeling difficult situation. I wouldn't say anything till I knew what it was as I don't like to worry people. Sending you the biggest of hugd 🫂🙏❤️ please keep us updated x

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 05/12/2025 23:57

Yanbu to keep quiet if that's what you want to do. I had a cancer scare a while ago, and told dh and dd as well as a close friend, but I chose not to share it with wider family as I didn't want to worry them.

My only question is whether you have someone else that you could tell so that you have some support?

OkWinifred · 05/12/2025 23:58

I think you’re right, don’t say anything.
The chances are you’ll be ok, so no need to cause any alarm.
Good luck 💐

PaperPond · 05/12/2025 23:59

Sorry this is happening, OP. I think you should do exactly what works best for you. If you need support, you’re allowed to ask for it. But if you’ll be more worried by your family members worrying, then of course it’s fine not to tell.

TeenLifeMum · 05/12/2025 23:59

I would do the same and did. Like you, I felt there was no point worrying them until I knew and the majority of lumps are benign so there’s a really high chance you’re fine. My lump turned out to be an overactive lymph gland following my flu vaccine (and they’d seen quite a few that particular year). I did tell my mum that day after tests confirmed it wasn’t cancer.

Do you have a friend you could tell so you’re not holding it all to yourself?

ChristmasFaery · 06/12/2025 00:00

It’s a very personal choice who you tell. Have you got support from friends or other family who you’re close to? I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want to burden your mum or brother after losing your dad but wouldn’t they prefer to be there to support you? I never told anyone except for DH until we knew what we were dealing with, it’s a horrible situation to be in 💐

ResusciAnnie · 06/12/2025 00:09

YANBU that would be my default anyway tbh. Good luck!

Whoevenknows79 · 06/12/2025 00:11

As a mum, I'd hate for my daughter to be going through this and I'd want to know. But that's said, I have a complex relationship with my mum and wouldn't share with her in your position. However, I think it is important you have someone to support you. I miscarried during COVID, having told nobody except my husband about the pregnancy. I needed my friend for support. Second time round I told my closest friends as knew I would need them if the worst happened. Luckily it didn't. You need support. Fingers crossed you get the all clear.

Original poster

NotTeling · 06/12/2025 00:15

I have told one friend who has offered to come with me to the appointment if it’s at a time she’s off work. Other than that I haven’t said anything to anyone. Thanks for the well wishes and opinions. Glad to know I’m doing the right thing. Thank you.

OP posts:

CandyCayne · 06/12/2025 00:17

NotTeling · 06/12/2025 00:15

I have told one friend who has offered to come with me to the appointment if it’s at a time she’s off work. Other than that I haven’t said anything to anyone. Thanks for the well wishes and opinions. Glad to know I’m doing the right thing. Thank you.

Ahh that's good that you have someone to confide in OP.

And the very best of luck

Booboobagins · 06/12/2025 00:29

I would not tell anyone to save them the worry too @NotTeling but once you know, you should let them know.

Sincerely hoping it's a cyst but if it is cancer they remove it and you are then fully clear. X

Pistachiocake · 06/12/2025 00:31

I did exactly the same. And I was lucky, it was just a cyst. I didn't want anyone worrying over the 2 weeks, because how would that help anyone? If it was a problem, I would have time to deal with my own response once I'd got info from the medics, and then I could decide what I want and go to family with all the info. If it was a minor issue, which it was, I wouldn't have stressed anyone out for no reason.
My husband/mum/others close to me were a bit upset (I did tell him immediately I knew it was a cyst), but I explained why. My mum did exactly the same as me, and I completely respect what she did.
Plus, if you tell people, they might keep talking to you about it, which is annoying because what can you say at that stage?
I really hope you're fine, but you have the right to keep this to yourself.

Whatifitallgoesright · 06/12/2025 00:35

Please use this space for sharing how you're feeling. There will be women here who know what you're going through and will be there for you. Keep communicating.

StruggleFlourish · 06/12/2025 00:45

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through this and also please, my condolences about the loss of your dad.
I think I would do exactly what you're doing, not mention anything to my family at this time, but confide in a close friend or two...
When you find out more, then you can tell your family because it's only fair that they know but, no point in mentioning it yet because you're right, this will be difficult considering the circumstances. But the most important thing is that you take care of yourself and that you do have someone to talk to and you do have someone to be there for you when you need to go to appointments.
Wishing you all the best

Ponoka7 · 06/12/2025 00:49

I've been under the cancer pathway about four times, so have people I know. One of mine was for a lump in my breast. It was a build up of tissue that is quite usual, in our 30's. I've never told my family. I'd rather see if it's anything that needs treatment, first. Other people often add dramatics to a situation many of us face.

MissyPants · 06/12/2025 01:13

Tell us instead, we're here. No need to worry your mum unnecessarily as you don't know.
I also had a lump and still do, had the mammogram etc on two week referral, was just normal breast tissue.
A 2 week referral doesn't mean cancer, it's protocol.
Cancer is the worst scenario as it could be harmless too.

OffTheHookNow · 06/12/2025 01:14

I wouldn’t tell them either. Not unless it was confirmed.

CherrieTomaties · 06/12/2025 01:16

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong to this. You do
what’s most easy and comfortable for you. 💐

Lemonfrost · 06/12/2025 01:25

I completely get it OP. I am having a lump removed from a different area tomorrow and have been told it might be cancer, it might not - no diagnosis until it’s looked at in the lab. My husband has been absolutely amazing but I haven’t told one single other family member as I just don’t need the inevitable drama right now. I don’t have great relationships with my family at the best of times and telling them about this will stress me out even more. I am thinking of you 💐

Teaandcake01 · 06/12/2025 03:21

Hello, I’m sorry to hear about this. I found a breast lump in September, which turned out to be cancer & I’ve just started chemo. I understand you wanting to wait until telling your family but I just wanted to tell you my experience of getting diagnosed. I went to the first hospital appointment on my own because there was nothing in the letter which said I might get any tests that day. What happened was that I was immediately sent for mammograms, ultrasound & biopsies. I went along to the appointment fairly unconcerned & came away stunned having been told I had an 80% chance of cancer, with no idea how serious it was. They then build the picture of the diagnosis with an MRI scan a few days later & I took my sister with me to that. Then I saw the consultant a few days after that who told me prognosis based on all those tests. I’m curable & treatable after chemo/surgery/radiotherapy. If I could do anything different I’d make sure I had a close friend or family member there
on that first (& follow up) appointment/s, in case you do get bad news.
My dad also died of cancer in January 2022. I worried about the impact on my mum & if there’s anything positive to come out of this it’s that it’s bought me & my mum
closer together & she wants to support me. She’s been coming to stay over & in between appointments we stop off for tea & cake & shop for headscarfs! I’ve also made up with my sister who I fell out with in the days after my dad died. I just wanted to let you know that for me, there’s been unexpected positives, my family want to help & it’s actually been a bit of a wake up call for us all to not take each other for granted & realise how much we love each other. Good luck with your appointment. ❤️

isitmytime · 06/12/2025 04:31

I didn’t tell my family over the summer when I had similar. I wasn’t going to tell anyone but I ended up telling my DP (we don’t live together)
my reasoning was I didn’t want to worry anyone when I didn’t have any answers and them worrying/being upset would have made me even more concerned than I already was.
my referral came through pretty quickly and thankfully everything was ok. I was told at my first appointment (visual and physical examination, 2 x mammograms, ultrasound and biopsy) that they were almost certain it was benign and that was confirmed at a follow up appointment.
I didn’t mention anything afterwards as I didn’t want family to be hurt I hadn’t said anything.
i hope you get an appointment through quickly and that everything is ok going forwards.

TwinklyNight · 06/12/2025 08:48

I didn't tell anybody for two stressful anxious weeks, I was too scared to say the words. Then I told dh.

We didn't tell our adult dc until I had already had a biopsy and results and was scheduled for surgery. I didn't want to cause them undue worry until after the results came in.

All went well for me and I wish the same for you.

AquaForce · 06/12/2025 09:31

NotTeling · 05/12/2025 23:55

I have a lump in my breast. Been referred under the two week wait for cancer tests. I live alone, no partner/kids, haven’t told my mum or brother, mainly because we’ve had a crappy year (dad died in may, cancer) amongst other stuff and I don’t want to burden them with this additional stress/worry when it could be nothing. My mum is doing ok after my dad but this would set her right back. I’m doing the right thing keeping quiet until I know for sure right?

I'd wait until I knew for sure ❤

Original poster

NotTeling · 09/12/2025 08:52

Ugh, well. My appointment isn’t until Christmas Eve. So much for the whole urgent two week wait thing. And now I’ll have to tell my mum because she will be here for Christmas by then. And I’m going to have to muster up the enthusiasm to put up the Christmas tree and go Christmas shopping with this hanging over me.

OP posts: