To be annoyed at my friend for asking my son to buy him party drugs

[Valleymum2]

My son age 23 takes occasional cannabis with his flatmates and admits to very occasional MDMA . He gets it from his flatmate doesn’t buy it directly from the dealer. My husbands friend who is a good friend of the family, bumped into my son in the pub, they got chatting and the conversation turned to what drugs did the friend do when he was his age. Upshot - family friend asks my son to buy him some drugs via the flatmate dealer so that he can have a ‘one off’chance to relive his youth (with his own friends, not my son).son gets in touch with dealer and buys the drugs then delivers them to the friend - just a few tablets apparently. I’m absolutely raging at the friend.1. I know if is unlikely but what if the drugs my son bought for him end up killing the friend - where will it leave my son - how will he feel if the friends children lose their dad and he has supplied the stuff not to mention the trouble he would be in ? 2. It is illegal 3. It just feels so wrong on so many levels that an adult is asking a young person even if an adult to do this and then not to tell anyone. The problem is - my son has told me in confidence, I can’t even tell my husband /his dad as he will go batshit and I can’t imagine that he will manage not to say anything. I want to confront friend (who is normally a really lovely guy) and tell him what I think but if he then tells my son my son will never tell me anything again. Mynumber one priority is my son - both keeping the trust with my son and keeping him safe from harm Wha5 would you do? Am I overreacting/BU?

I'd have a word with the 'friend' and tell him you're very upset he's put your DS in that position, and that he's never, ever to ask such a thing again or mention it to DS. Say how uncomfortable it's made you and DS, and what a huge risk it is to DS.

What about the fact that your son is getting drugs from his flatmate that could contain god knows what? Surely that is the real issue here?

Your son is a grown adult buying drugs for himself, I think your outrage is misplaced.

By all means tell your friend not to ask your son to do it again, or tell your son to say no if he does.

As your friend is normally lovely, tell him that you're relying on him not mention this conversation to DS.

Never mind the friend what about your son?!?! Happy to be a drug dealer????

He doesn’t see it that way - he thinks he is just doing a favour for a family friend who is going to buy them regardless and he didn’t take any money for doing it so that he wasn’t ‘dealing’ but in my book I agree with you - he was still supplying.

That is certainly an issue and it’s a separate issue. Smoking cannabis is endemic in young people. I’m not happy about it. However the friend issue is something I’m extremely uncomfortable about .

Your friend turned your son into a drug dealer.

I’d be expressing my feelings about this very, very loudly. It’s unforgivable.

Also your son is living with a drug dealer.

You seem to be more concerned about your son giving your friend drugs than the fact that your son takes drugs.
Weird....

You are BU keeping it a secret OP. I would and have poured fire and brimstone upon that friend who asked kid to take a risk like that.

Why are you thinking what could happen to your friend for taking drugs and not what would have happened to your son if he was caught.

Tell your husband. This person needs pinning up against a wall.

Of course not. These are two separate but related issues. Of course I am concerned that my son takes drugs. However if you readmy post, I am asking for advice on the specific issue of the friend getting my son to buy drugs for him and how to tackle it without losing my son’s trust.

The main reason I am worried about what might happen to my friend is that my son would get into a whole load of trouble if something happened to the friend. Not to mention his own kids would be left without a dad. But mainly the impact on my son. I know my son is doing wrong by buying for him. I am able to talk to him about that but my difficulty is in how to tackle with the friend without destroying my sons trust

Your book, and possibly the law books too.

I'm pretty liberal in my attitude to drugs, but your adult son openly admits to taking them, happily discusses taking them, lives with a drug dealer, and has happily supplied a friend (so probably has done so before).

I personally wouldn't want to know this about my DS, but I don't think you can be that angry at someone who wants to use the same dealer- that is an inevitable extension of the lifestyle.

I don't even understand why he told you really. And to say it was in confidence? He's put you in an invidious position.

You are a parent. You can absolutely corner this bloke and give him what for about ever approaching your kid again and to keep his mouth shut. Personally I don't think it does any harm to let your kid see what's acceptable or not and your child would not have told you if he wasn't bothered about it. Sometimes we need to take control and let our kids know we have their back when they feel uncomfortable.

The problem with drugs is there is always a next time, the party season is coming up. Are you going to hand wring when he's asked again.

Go and speak to him face to face. He'll be embarrassed and it'll never be spoken of again.

He is not a friend if he is encouraging your son to deal drugs and potentially become more embroiled in the drugs culture.
If your son is doing drugs it is bad enough without encouragement and normalisation of the habit from people such as this so called friend.

I would also be annoyed at the friend but I would be way more annoyed with my son for no.1 doing the drugs in the first place and feeling comfortable talking to this friend about it like it’s cool and no.2 For not saying no to the friend, he is a grown adult who should know what the consequences of supplying drugs to someone could be. Oh and I definitely wouldn’t be keeping this a secret from husband

This. Baffling.

It's one thing buying for your own personal use but conspiracy to supply of class A is a very different animal.

I dragged it out of him. I picked up that something was going on. He’s not open about any of it at all but in some moments of mum son chat he has admitted to me. Which is a good thing to encourage that sharing of information even if I don’t like what I hear!

Don’t be an idiotic. Of course I am not. However I am dealing with the son taking drugs issue separately - I am asking for advice on the issues around the friend and keeping my sons confidence and trust for the future

Again this response is telling me what I should be more annoyed about. I’m not asking about the issue of my on drugs - that doesn’t mean I am not annoyed or upset about that too, but it is not the issue I asking for mumsent advice on

Exactly this. For a fifty something adult it feels so wrong.

Your son is 23. An adult himself. Old enough to know what he’s doing is illegal and dangerous.

(awaits the mn cliche about brain development as if that excuses this behaviour)

Not at all baffling, or weird - according to the training I had, it would be the difference between a conviction for possession and a conviction for dealing.

According to the training I had, this would be sufficient for a charge of dealing.