Not comfortable with MIL’s friend using our children’s pictures for gifts m

[Pumpkin8765]

My MIL’s friend who I have never met before has messaged DH asking for pics of our two young children. She wants to get calendars and a canvas made up with their pictures for MIL for Christmas. I’ve flat out said no as I’m not comfortable sending pics to someone I’ve never met and I don’t know what company she is using to get them made up etc. It feels like this gift should be something left to parents or grandparents. DH doesn’t agree he thinks I’m over reacting.

She had the same request last year but I said no. We were getting calendars made up ourselves.

AIBU about not feeling comfortable with her doing this?

Read it again, no i would have no issue as it is a present for mil

I agree with you, it’s weird.

Looks like you’ll have to make your own calendar gift again so she has to think of something else!

Nope I wouldn't be bothered, she is very clearly a very good family friend and just because you haven't met her does not mean this is wrong. Nobody meets everyone's friends anyway. She clearly knows how much the grandchildren mean and making a lovely gift nothing sinister about it.

I would find that weird and would just keep saying no until she got the message. That is not a gift for a non-parent to give. Tricky if your DH doesn't mind though and won't back you up.

Even if there were no possible wrong that could befall the images, it’s still too weird for comfort.
The children aren’t hers to present, in a kind of ‘ventriloquy’ IYSWIM.
Let her just buy a fab frame and leave it at that!

Can’t see anything odd with it at all. Friend just wants to have a calendar made for a friend with pics of her favourite people, I.e. her grandchildren. Gees, just send her a few different head and shoulders shots.
Definitely can’t see anything weird with using photos you haven’t taken or aren’t in either. In fact I’ve suggested to one of my sons that he ask his girlfriend’s mum and siblings for photos of her and family with her dad to make a photo album for her for Christmas. Her dad is very ill and thought it would be a wonderful memory book for her in the future.

Why is it not a gift for a non-parent to give?

That is fucking weird. Just say no on repeat.

I agree with you OP. I think this is a stranger asking for photos of your kids, and that is a bit weird. I would just say no.

You have an extremely odd way of looking at this. Nobody wants to do anything with your kids photos except make them into a calendar. Nobody is going to do anything dodgy with AI. It’s up to you to say no - but really you’re massively overreacting to a very reasonable request here

Is she! If she has never met the kids or OP?

It's a strange gift for give if it is just of the kids, and she has never met them/ taken the pictures.

I am going to be generous and say she either gives a similar gift to her family/ her family give her a similar gift. But I would politely decline like the OP.

Please just say no. What an odd request. This is way too personal for you to ever feel comfortable. Why on earth would anyone want to make a calendar of children they have never met , photos they didn’t take and give this as a gift. The whole thing is weird. Say no.

A friend of a person with grandchildren is wanting to turn photos of the grandchildren into a present for them

Why is that weird?

It's weird because, as many other posters have pointed out, she has never even met these children and so doesn't have any photos of them that she's taken herself. Hope that helps clear it up.

Even the task of going through and finding 12 decent photos of the kids and sending them on would take time! (Or maybe I just take rubbish photos!). I’d say ‘this is something we like to do ourselves’ and leave it at that. I wouldn’t worry about actually doing it- if next year she says ‘you didn’t do one though’ I’d be firmer in my response. It may be a lovely idea, but they’re your kids and if it makes you feel uncomfortable then it’s not really that lovely!

It doesn’t clear it up.

What difference does it make that she didn’t take the photos herself?

Because she doesn't know these children at all. She has never even met these children. The sort of gift that she wants to give OP's MIL, is the sort of gift that a close family member who is also related to these children would give.

Surely she knows OP's MIL well enough to be able to choose a different gift that OP's MIL would really like.

It's also making work for OP who will need to find and select suitable photos and then send them to this woman.

Very strange attitude. She doesn’t need to have met the kids to know they mean a great deal to her friend, and want to support that with a cute little gift.

Friends can be as close, or closer than, family.

Yeah that's a weird gift and I'd say no too. I'd be ok with it if it were my MIL's best friend as she's practically a sister to her (and my DH's godmother), if they were going to be one or two photos.... but it's very weird for someone who's never met the kids to want to make them into a calendar. Definitely a parent to grandparent gift (or grandparent to parent)

don’t you ever get your photos printed?

This is exactly why it doesn’t sit right with me. I can’t imagine her spending her own money and time selecting layouts and settings for our personal family moments with the kids, then presenting it to MIL at Christmas wrapped up with a bow. Why not make a calendar of moments they shared?

I think you're being a bit precious about this. Your husband knows the woman and is fine with it, why don't you trust his judgement? And thinking it's weird that someone else is looking at private family moments - come on, it's probably pictures of your kids in a park or their birthday or something, hardly a big secret.

I wouldn't get worked up about this. My only reservation would whether this is something the recipient would want. Is it even a gift MIL would enjoy?

Nip this in the bud now. Send her a message that you’re making a calendar to give to Mil and do so! Plenty of websites and easy to do.

Its a weird request. Id reply saying that calendars of family members is something you like to do yourselves and how about making a calendar of friends or special places.

You are paranoid about your children’s photos and is suspect that the mother in law has put the friend up to asking your husband for photos as a guise for a gift because she wants photos of her grandchildren.