Does anyone remember the post where the high income earner couldn’t buy oven mits?

[Muffinmam]

A while ago there was a post from a high income earner who psychologically couldn’t bring herself to buy things she needed for herself and for around the house. She said she had a good income and savings but she could not bring herself to buy oven mits and would use the sleeves of her jumper to get things out of the oven.

She also said she couldn’t bring herself to buy other things she needed for herself because she thought her child might need the money.

Many posters told her to make a trip to IKEA.

Does anyone remember that post?

Other mothers started posting that they too had trouble buying things that they needed and were self sacrificing.

I was interested in that thread and realised I wouldn’t buy things for myself. Basic things like underwear and socks and shoes. Since that time I have made changes and have bought myself multiple pairs of pyjamas, over 15 new pairs of underwear and have purchased more clothes. Every time I buy something I think of that post and wonder if the OP bought herself oven mits.

I’m wondering if anyone else had made changes after reading that post?

I remember that post very well - a few years ago? It was interesting. Maybe it influenced me, because in the last yea4 or so I’ve definitely become more generous with myself re buying basics such as socks and underwear. It wasn’t shortage of money in my case either, more a frugal habit I’d got into when I was younger and hard up, and never grown out of.

I remember that. I don’t think she even had a towel for herself. Or even proper furniture to sit down etc. I find it hard to fathom. I might do it on a very small scale eg keep wearing a pair of pyjamas I’ve had for years rather than buy a new pair that don’t cost much and I can easily afford. Everything she needed she could have got easily and reasonably with her weekly shop in Asda. She claimed her child had everything they needed, she just deprived herself.

Dont think it’s ever been uncommon for mothers to “go without” but this MNer sounded much more extreme, poor soul. I hope she’s more balanced now in her approach to money & self care.
Well done on reframing your own views @Muffinmam& treating yourself as you deserve to be treated

I very strongly remember, at a few points in my life, the feeling of not having enough to pay for everyone or everything, so I usually took the decision to go without whatever it was. Last week I actually bought myself a whole week’s worth of new knickers and it was such a joy, it was ridiculous! Am seriously considering a new bra some time soon 😁

A while ago there was a post

Switched off after this...

Aren't we meant to be banned from posting TAATs on here?

Yes, that was the post! She was depriving herself of basics and it made no sense.

I recall she didn’t have a cover for her duvet. Her not having the basics made me sad and made me think why I wasn’t spending money. After reading her post I made a concerted effort to change.

I even bought myself jewellery after my partner was being a twat.

If you grew up poor it's difficult to believe that this relative wealth will last, you are always waiting for it all to come crashing down. Savings does become an obsession, I have good savings now but depleting them seems dangerous although it really isn't. Likewise I'm starting to spend more on nice things for myself rather than always buying the cheapest and only when things are absolutely finished.

I wondered why I was cycling through the same three pairs of ratty underwear. I know they were hard to find (and I find it hard to alternate textures so need to wear the same things every day). After reading her post I got rid of my old underwear and bought a whole bunch of new underwear.

I don’t know why I was making myself such a martyr. It was definitely psychological.

When I went on holiday I panicked because I literally had nothing to wear. It as so incredibly stressful.

I remember it, have made changes but not because of the post- low earner but wouldn’t buy eg a washing badket even though I needed it and it only cost a fiver! Same with new socks etc!

I think my frugality was due to not having things in my childhood and when I had my own child I prioritised them having material possessions - whilst I stopped buying things for myself. Even though it wasn’t necessary to deprive myself.

This wasn’t something that existed before I had children.

I used to buy myself expensive salon shampoos, conditioners, treatments etc. But after having a child I only buy supermarket shampoo & conditioner when it’s 40% to 50% off.

Did you splurge on a new washing basket? 🥺

I am the same. I had to ask my partner to give me permission to buy Christmas presents this morning, as I find it so hard to spend money due to financial abuse in my childhood and hardship in my twenties and early thirties. It’s totally ingrained in me to hoard money if I have any.

Muffinmam

I did! I got a washing basket that I love and it was only six euro and I’m ridiculously happy with it!!

I never hoarded money. I always had a bit of savings but I deliberately kept my living expenses very low so that I could go shopping twice a week. I was at the mall every single Thursday and Saturday/Sunday. I had some wonderful times shopping.

Basically I wasted what I had. But looking back so did my parents. I think I tried to break the cycle for my own child. But now I’m conscious I’ve let myself go and don’t want to embarrass them when I pick them up from school.

I’m a bit like this as well, make sure the kids have everything they need but rarely buy myself things and when I do it’s always cheap as possible

Yay!! 🩷

I didn’t read that post. But recently I have looked at my socks and bras and been like why am I struggling with these. I used things to their very end. I have pans with broken handles, stuff that needs a special way of operating for it to work.

I didn’t see it. Did she explain the psychology behind it? Just wondering because I can relate to it a bit (although not the bit about being a high earner 😂). I am not as extreme as that poster sounds, but I do sometimes go without things I need, even if I can afford them. And when I do buy things, I spend a lot of time agonising over it beforehand, and very often feel guilty about buying things.

Some posters have talked about the difficulty of changing habits formed when the person had less money and I can definitely see that being a possible cause.

In my case it’s very strongly linked to anxiety about waste, especially plastic, and the environment. My thinking is very black and white, and I often feel that I should buy- and own- as little stuff as possible.

I remember! Not directly inspired by the post, but DH and I have been on a mission to buy the small things that will make our lives easier instead of just trying to make do and not spend the money.

So far, I replaced the phone holder in my car so I don't have to wedge my phone on the dashboard to use the sat nav. A fast phone charger each so it doesn't take hours to charge. A pair of rubber tongs for fishing toast out of the toaster. A new pair of sunglasses for DH (he had 0 pairs left). A new duvet cover and sheet set for our bed so I don't have to wash and dry it the same day (we don't have a tumble dryer so this was always stressful). Two proper kitchen knives (we've been together 20 years and literally never had proper knives that cut well, even though we cook a lot from scratch!).

I think there's more stuff, but that kind of thing!

Poverty leaves it's mark. The fear. Weirdly can buy some things but not others. Can trace it back to childhood. Parents came from v poor backgrounds.

I realised I had bought my child two pairs of trainers in a week and I had the same pair for over 6 or 7 years. I was also wearing canvas shoes that I had been wearing for years that were falling apart. It didn’t make any sense. After I bought new trainers I had such a sense of guilt. It was so weird.

She didn’t - but others shared their stories. There’s always a reason behind it and I think each person is different.

I think for me it was not having my own income (as I’m a SAHM and my child has severe SEN).

My partner wouldn’t spend on himself so I felt guilty. In my city there is a thing where men (who work in a certain industry) all own a $700+ pair of shoes. But he refuses to spend that much on a pair of shoes.

I think I’m very conscious that we are in a cost of living crisis right now and people can’t afford rent and I put having a roof over my head before spending on expensive hair care and beauty treatments and clothes.

Buy yourself new socks and bras. These things very regularly go on sale. I just buy Bonds socks as they are often on sale at the supermarket and online. There are often sales on bras throughout the year. Home goods will be discounted after Christmas so if you have any money left over maybe it’s time for a new pan? I’m planning on getting new kitchen stuff in the new year (in the after Christmas sales).

It’s not really a TAAT, it’s op talking about a concept that she first read about on a thread, and relating it to herself and her own behaviour and mindset about a very coming thing many women do.

Your post really fascinates me ☺️

I don’t think about what would make my life easier to that extent.

I really want to buy new knives. I cook from scratch most nights but I think I will never be able to purchase sharp knives because I can’t even be trusted with the blunt ones.

I should buy a phone holder. I have mine hiding because the police here issue huge fines if you’re caught touching your phone while you’re driving.

Wow, I'm like this due to not enough money when I was a child, plus facing redundancy straight after buying my first home in my late twenties. I don't earn a brilliant wage now but I have savings and it never feels enough. Constant worry about what I'd do if I lost my job.