Does anyone remember the post where the high income earner couldn’t buy oven mits?

[Muffinmam]

A while ago there was a post from a high income earner who psychologically couldn’t bring herself to buy things she needed for herself and for around the house. She said she had a good income and savings but she could not bring herself to buy oven mits and would use the sleeves of her jumper to get things out of the oven.

She also said she couldn’t bring herself to buy other things she needed for herself because she thought her child might need the money.

Many posters told her to make a trip to IKEA.

Does anyone remember that post?

Other mothers started posting that they too had trouble buying things that they needed and were self sacrificing.

I was interested in that thread and realised I wouldn’t buy things for myself. Basic things like underwear and socks and shoes. Since that time I have made changes and have bought myself multiple pairs of pyjamas, over 15 new pairs of underwear and have purchased more clothes. Every time I buy something I think of that post and wonder if the OP bought herself oven mits.

I’m wondering if anyone else had made changes after reading that post?

I literally put in bold the reason for my post.

I explained the original post had changed how I approach spending money and I wanted to know if anyone else had experienced a similar reaction.

I am interested if the OP ever bought the oven mits but it was also discussing my own psychology regarding spending money and if that post had influenced the spending habits of other people.

I think I’m overly aware that my income is far lower than dh’s so I feel that I’m not entitled to spend as much.

House stuff for example that everyone benefits from is fine, but things just for me have to be as cheap as possible. I only shop for clothes in supermarkets, charity shops or Vinted whereas DS’s and DH can have what they need from anywhere.

I also get incredibly carried away looking for discounts and making sure that i don’t pay a penny more than needed for anything. The time I can spend doing this is ridiculous at times but it makes me feel like I’m spending responsibly which makes it easier to justify.

I make sure that I always buy everything on special. I go to multiple different places just to get deodorant on sale as it’s something I use every day.

My DH is like this - money was tight when he was young and in the early part of his career. He's well off now and still not a person of great personal wants. I do not suffer from this affliction and thank goodness we have seperate incomes

I find the psychological aspect of money fascinating!

I am a fan of Damien Talks Money and I remember he had a really interesting episode with a financial psychologist who talked through typical issues she sees with clients and how they deal with them. Being unable to spend money on yourself seemed quite common.

Link below if anyone wants to listen.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1W5SUnYa0eFQUgd0VSh2Fn?si=R0AdWQUSTP6qRf28-6W6Tw

I was poor as a child. I do spend money on holidays but recognise a lot of the behaviours here. I’m a reasonably high earner but have a drawer full of years old primark bras that cut into me.

I’ve recently paid off my mortgage and that has brought an intense sense of relief that I’m finally “safe”. I’ve bought a lot (for me) of clothes recently, and it’s nice to look around and not be 10 years out of date for a change.

Good socks, good bras, phone chargers and teaspoons are all things you can buy yourself loads of and you'll appreciate the difference. I used to be of that mindset and still am a bit... I remember to- and fro-ing about a charity shop vase that I really liked- it was about £3! Yet I'll buy all sorts for friends/family!

My mum is like this. Her phone has been on the blink for 2 years- missing important calls, dropping out, not syncing emails. It’s a 8 year old iPhone so well at the end of its life expectancy.

Even though it causes her hassle, she keeps delaying and delaying buying a new one. She finally decided she would 6 months ago but instead of doing it, said she would wait till after her November birthday and Christmas to make it her present. Like that gives buying herself a new phone some moral legitimacy and if she bought it at any other time, she would be selfish and spoilt.

Its so frustrating- she is 78 years old, well off and can’t just buy herself an essential household item when she needs it.

I don't remember the post but I also don't recognise myself in that. If I need something, I buy it. If I want something, generally I buy it.

When our kids were little we were much more skint than now, and I would go round all the different supermarkets for deals etc. Now? Not so much. My free time is worth more to me than the 30p saving on whatever.

God I wish I was more like this. I think it’s ingrained in me to spend money if I have any!

I am definitely a horder of money and I think its a control and safety thing, as well as a dislike of waste. Im a high earner but all my clothes and my child's clothes are from vinted, I sell stuff we no longer use on marketplace and I agonise about buying myself anything. My shoes currently have a hole in and I looked for a new pair but couldn't bring myself to spend the money. Every time we get a payrise or a regular cost ends it goes straight into the untouchable savings. Im absolutely obsessed over having enough money to retire and objectively I dont need to be at all. My mother grew up very poor and I think its been ingrained in me from her.

My DH is also like this.

Years ago, he arrived at the door of our house at the same time as a delivery guy/tradesman arrived (can’t quite remember now) and when he pulled out a house key the guy looked him up and down and said incredulously ‘do you live here?!’ My DH replied ‘yep’ with a grin. The guy gave a big pause and then said ‘Wow, well done mate!’

He’s so awkward about buying new things for himself. I have to throw his hole riddled socks into the bin when he’s not looking 😅 He did have a very deprived childhood and his lifestyle now is worlds away.

Luckily, I also do not suffer from this affliction and am more than able to spend money for us both!

My best friend has a high earning sibling who wont buy new clothes, so my friend a much lower earner ends up buying her new for Christmas. I don’t get it

I think poverty can go 2 ways.. either extreme frugality or money filtering through hands like water.. alas I am in 2nd camp.

Please go out this weekend and buy new bras 🩷

They shouldn’t be cutting into you.

Please buy yourself a new pair of shoes. 🩷

I bought a pair recently and had such guilt and felt bad about buying it. But I have worn them a few times now and it actually feels nice wearing something new.

My sister stopped spending completely after she had her first baby. My other sister went shopping and bought her clothes because she was so sick of her dressing terribly 🤣

I used to spend my money on whatever I wanted. After having a child and being financially supported through a cost of living crisis my behaviour has completely changed.

There are so many homeless people in my city. Many of them are normal people who have jobs but can’t afford rent.

I also stopped keeping nice things for 'best'. I made a lot of changes and all my things are 'best' now.

people are weirdly anal about this.
It's not one of the ten commandments that you're in danger of being struck down with lightning for breaching!

It's just a policy initially introduced because people would start a new thread deliberately to slag off another one, or search people's usernames to try and 'out' them or find something contradictory to discredit them.

It doesn't mean you can literally never refer to anything else that happens on MN and are supposed to pretend every individual thread exists in complete isolation.

Thank you.

While it would be nice to find out if she purchased oven mits it was my intention to find out whether or not anyone else’s behaviour has changed since reading that post.

I have had to challenge my own behaviour because not wanting to spend money was impacting on my life.

My mother in law loathes to spend on herself. She desperately needed new shoes and felt really guilty buying them. Yet she'll buy things in abundance for her grandchildren.

RMs? If I’m thinking of the right city (or perhaps one of two cities), the cost of living increases have just been gobsmacking, haven’t they?!

I remember the post. I related.
I've bought myself socks! And thermals I really feel the cold. To function i need to be top to toe in multiple thermals. But thermals are expensive so I am slowly doing it.
I still feel guilty spending money on me.

I think it's a combination of never having been able to earn much of my own money ir get used to saving/manage it. I wasn't allowed a job growing up. Then by the time I did get a job I earnt so little,for the last week of the month I'd stop eating so I could afford transport to get to work. I didn't ever ask for help and it became my secret I guess. I didn't get any pocket money growing up so I'd save my school lunch money to buy sanitary products. So I can see where the behaviour comes from and repeats itself.

Then I met my husband and had a child and just tried to exist as if I never needed anything ever. I'd agonise over sanitary products. Things got a little better when I was earning my own money again but i would always and still do prioritise my children first.

I have a child with additional needs that I've had to give up work as they cabt always access school. So I just do self employed bits here and there. I'm earning hardly anything so I'm back to feeling very very guilty and ashamed. The cost of living crisis is awful. I worry everyday about money and what will happen if we can't afford the basics anymore. I can feel myself sliding back into oh I don't need a bra or new underwear ill just make do.

My husband gets bought every year for Christmas socks and underwear from his mum. He never has to buy any! Also deodorants by his sisters etc so it even feels more of a womens issue because I don't think most women are being gifted this way for Christmas where as all the men I know get gifted essentials for Christmas. Nice razor set nice socks etc
I might get a candle, when I'm very jealous over the socks and pants!
And no they won't change it it would be weird to get me socks and knickers apparently. I understand its a bit hit and miss more so than men's boxers. I don't have family that would gift me those things. So I will have to just buy them for myself but I do begrudge they cost more than men's. My tescos seems to of stopped doing womens 5 packs and it all seems to be 3 knickers for £12 when I need a good 2 weeks worth. They are often not very nice patterns or styles. All the things that put me off buying when it's already hard for me.

I too hope the poster bought some over mitts and hope others are buying what they needs. It makes no sense but I wouldn't think twice of getting a dear friend some socks or knickers if they told me what they needed ! Maybe we need to do a secret santa😂