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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you message and tell her?

32 replies

Ljayne916 · 05/12/2025 10:19

Or just leave it?

my ex (who now has a partner and young child) and who I split up with 6 years ago has been messaging me.

He sent a message asking me if I’m still at my old work place and that he’s looking for a new job. Also wondered if I’ve met a ‘nice fella’ yet and if I’m renting or own my house? Very weird questions and he basically said his partner isn’t the one for him, in different wording but implying it.

I am ignoring him. I don’t actually have him as a friend on Facebook, so he’s searched my profile. I only answered as I wanted to know why he was asking if I was still in my previous job. And then he started asking the other questions but I’m not responding.

would you tell his partner or just keep out of it? I’d want to know if that was me but…

OP posts:
HalfWayAroundTheLoop · 05/12/2025 10:20

Stay well out of it and be grateful he's not your problem anymore. I doubt she'd thank you

SparkleSpriteDust · 05/12/2025 10:21

I wouldn’t, no. I wouldn’t actually give it a second thought at all.

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 05/12/2025 10:22

This would be shit stirring, so no I would not.

Ignore it, shut it down, stay out of it.

JudgeBread · 05/12/2025 10:22

Block him on whatever you can block him on and keep out of it.

She's unlikely to thank you for it if you message her, it's not worth it.

DoNotDisturb67 · 05/12/2025 10:23

Nah… why would you get involved?

K0OLA1D · 05/12/2025 10:23

Block and don't get involved

Netcurtainnelly · 05/12/2025 10:51

Nope, dont even think of it but dont answer him either.

CandyCayne · 05/12/2025 10:53

Nah, just block him and move on with your life.

BauhausOfEliott · 05/12/2025 11:04

Of course I wouldn’t tell her. Who needs that drama in their lives? Just block and ignore.

noidea69 · 05/12/2025 11:06

Get the impression you want to tell her for the drama of it all.

Fdsew · 05/12/2025 11:22

What a creep.
Ignore completely and don't help him work wise.

arcticpandas · 05/12/2025 11:24

Tell him to get lost. Don't tell her. They have a young child.

ScreamingInfidelities · 05/12/2025 11:24

this happened to me a good few years ago. Ex got in contact via FB, general “how are you” chit chat. He was living with and engaged to someone. Naively, I took his messages at face value and replied, asking after his mum etc. I woke up the next day to half a dozen fucking filthy messages sent at 2am, obviously after a few drinks. BLOCKED

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/12/2025 11:29

Agree with others, block him and do nothing. Their relationship is nothing to do with you and if it isn’t going to work out then it’ll happen in course. That’s for them to sort out between themselves, it doesn’t require an ex in the peanut gallery chucking their piece in.

purplecorkheart · 05/12/2025 11:34

Do not respond, block and be glad he is an ex.

PInkyStarfish · 05/12/2025 11:36

He’s probably buttering you up so that you can help him get a foot in the door for a job where you work.

Just block him and think no more of it and certainly don’t message her.

OneKhakiFish · 05/12/2025 11:40

My first message would've been who's this? then blocked

ConnieHeart · 05/12/2025 11:40

Definitely 100% don't message her. She'll think you're just being a bitch

ldnmusic87 · 05/12/2025 11:47

Just block

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 05/12/2025 12:18

I'd keep well out of it. No good can come of it.

Gymnopedie · 05/12/2025 12:29

Stay well out of it. Whether or not they split up is between them.

But he's decided he doesn't want to be with her any longer, and instead of being a big boy and leaving and standing on his own two feet he's looking to see if you'll provide him with a soft landing. (Like are you working so could you support him when he's out of work, can you put a roof over his head.)

Greggsit · 05/12/2025 12:36

No! None of your business.

IBorAlevels · 05/12/2025 12:40

No need to tell his partner but block him and if you feel like you need to warn her put something on your social media taglines like "If you are an ex, you are an ex for a reason, no messages please". They'll both get the message (if she is worried she will be looking you up - us women know too well this is what men do).

PippyPie · 05/12/2025 12:43

No, why would you? Unless you like drama

TittyGajillions · 05/12/2025 12:55

People who stir the shit pot should be made to lick the spoon!