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AIBU?

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Original poster

6 year old is sad to only have 2 words to say in nativity

111 replies

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 22:02

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to ask a question.
My six year old son is very sad to only have 2 words to say in the nativity. He says that everyone else has lots of words and are in more than one scene. He is in one scene.

He doesn't usually get upset by things but keeps mentioning how upset by this he is. He is also quite honest and tells me what is going on (telling me if he got in trouble etc) so I believe him.
he is also really sad that he has never got a certificate at all. He said quite sadly to me: I've shown perseverance! Why haven't I got one like everyone else?

WIBU to raise it with the teacher?something along the lines of: my son is a bit sad that he's got such a small part/ hasn't got a certificate unlike everyone else. I don't want to overstep, annoy the teacher or make things difficult for my son though. How should I approach it?
thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:23

Lindtnotlint · 04/12/2025 23:07

Honestly you need to drop all this. Half the class are in the second half of the class to get a certificate! They are not given out “in merit order” and it does NOT matter whether he has received one. I would really not be encouraging him to fixate on it and by fixating on it yourself there is a real risk that that feeling “leaks” out to him. The nativity thing is almost certainly untrue - as in, he has a small part along with a load of other kids who also have a small part.

I really don’t think you need to intervene - this is just being in a class and how life is. If the report back from Gran from the nativity is ALL the kids had loads more lines then by all means ask if there was a particular reason he was not offered the same. Equally after nearly 30 weeks of the year have passed and people are getting their second certificates it may be appropriate to mention - you are miles away from that.

your son is doing great. Big him up at home, and teach him that he is awesome regardless of certificates and to make the best of whatever part or role he has. This will mean far more for how he grows and develops than any of the minor disappointments he has going through!

Good luck - you obviously really care about him and it’s lovely.

Thank you for your post. As I've already posted, I do intend to continue to prop up his confidence and wait and see post the nativity.

Don't worry - I'm not fixated on it, when he mentions it I always say things like: oh but you say your line wonderfully!

regarding the certificates, I have only said to him that there are many children in the class and I'm sure it'll be his turn soon.

I just wanted to know if this is what others would do - I didn't want to undermine him by giving him these responses.

as you say, it's because I care!!

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:23

@Crowandrow so if there are 90 children how many lines do you think there are that can be shared across all those children?

Dramatic · 04/12/2025 23:24

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:18

I'm unsure to be honest, the communication from school isn't always clear. It's 3 form entry so I think the nativity may be separated into year groups, so each year group does a nativity.

Show quote history

If this is the case it could be up to 90 kids doing the nativity, there's no way 90 kids have several lines each and are in multiple scenes. I wouldn't rely on what your son is seeing in rehearsals, he's probably not noticing the ones who don't have lines at all or who only have one line like him

ResusciAnnie · 04/12/2025 23:25

cariadlet · 04/12/2025 22:19

re certificates, most schools will only give one certificate a week. We're still in term 2 so most children won't have been given one yet. He might feel that everyone else has had one but that's very unlikely.

I'd tell him that his turn will come and encourage him to focus on the positives at school rather than the negatives. If he still hasn't had a certificate by summer half-term, that's the time to mention it to the teacher as - even at a rate of one a week - in an average class of 30 children, everyone should have had a certificate by then.

No way, our school gives out certificates all over the place. It's great! The kids love it and gives them all a boost, costs barely anything surely but reaps loads of rewards in motivation and confidence.

OP that's sad and I would certainly check in with the teacher, see if there's anything he could do to wangle a certificate 😉

MowingMachine · 04/12/2025 23:27

Time for your son to learn some resilience, OP. Everything doesn't always go how we want it to, and we need to learn how to come back from that.

Icecreamisthebest · 04/12/2025 23:28

I'd say to your son that it's great that he is in a class with so many other kids who are trying their best and also deserve certificates and that it must be hard for the teacher to choose. Remind him that only one child receives a certificate each week (if this is correct - clarify first!) and that his turn will come. You can advocate for him next term if he still has not received one.

I'd be very surprised if all the other children have lots more to say during the nativity. But all you can do here is make him feel really good about the part he has. Focus on how much fun he will have and doing the best job that he can.

Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:29

Kettledodger · 04/12/2025 22:28

From the dawn of time the “middle of the road” children are often overlooked imo. Not saying that it’s right but just saying that it has always been thus and those of us that have children that just get on with things need us to be their advocates.

Exactly. I was just such a child, it feels pretty awful!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:31

Dramatic · 04/12/2025 23:24

If this is the case it could be up to 90 kids doing the nativity, there's no way 90 kids have several lines each and are in multiple scenes. I wouldn't rely on what your son is seeing in rehearsals, he's probably not noticing the ones who don't have lines at all or who only have one line like him

Show quote history

Well each class has a scene which is 3 pages long (we got the entire script) so there is plenty it appears to go round.

but heyho, theres no changing it now, will just prop up my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:31

Icecreamisthebest · 04/12/2025 23:28

I'd say to your son that it's great that he is in a class with so many other kids who are trying their best and also deserve certificates and that it must be hard for the teacher to choose. Remind him that only one child receives a certificate each week (if this is correct - clarify first!) and that his turn will come. You can advocate for him next term if he still has not received one.

I'd be very surprised if all the other children have lots more to say during the nativity. But all you can do here is make him feel really good about the part he has. Focus on how much fun he will have and doing the best job that he can.

Thank you so much, this is so useful!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:33

MowingMachine · 04/12/2025 23:27

Time for your son to learn some resilience, OP. Everything doesn't always go how we want it to, and we need to learn how to come back from that.

I agree that resilience is very important. But so is fairness, especially to very small children. I'll work on his accepting of this, for sure. But will also continue to see where I need to advocate for him.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:34

@Crowandrow did your son say he wanted a bigger part?

Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:37

AmberRose86 · 04/12/2025 23:03

And getting him a certificate that he’s only getting because mummy kicked up a fuss is the way to do that?

Show quote history

Again, as I have said, I did not intend to kick up a fuss. I was seeking advice because my son has been very resilient about this for a long time - 6 months is a long time to a 6 year old.

Not sure exactly why you had to phrase your question in quite such a sarky way but believe me, I've taken pointers on how not to communicate from you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:39

sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:34

@Crowandrow did your son say he wanted a bigger part?

No, he just asked why he was given such a small part. He asked if it was because he isn't good at drama. 😢 I reassured him that wasn't the case, and just that there are so many children in the class and everybody needs a part, everyone will be doing different things and next year might be different again.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:39

But he hasn’t been in this class 6 months @Crowandrow

Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:43

sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:39

But he hasn’t been in this class 6 months @Crowandrow

He joined this school in May of last academic year, different class teacher yes, but same system and no certificate last year either. So I thought I'd wait it out, and see what happens as I wasn't too sure of things at the beginning.

He forgot over the summer but it has come up again since the end of September.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:44

Did the teacher ask children if there were parts they wanted to do? Is he good at reading, confident? If they are trying to share lines across 90 children they will need the more confident children having the larger parts, otherwise it might be a nightmare trying to run a play with so many speaking parts and so many children forgetting them which will have knock on effect on all the other parts

Original poster
Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:45

Thank you everyone for your responses, you've given me lots of food for thought!

Sorry if I missed a question.

I have to sleep now.

Take care.

OP posts:
deste · 04/12/2025 23:46

Mine was asked if she wanted to be a singer in the nativity but she said “no, she wanted to be a dancer”. Obviously there were no dancers and she was a narator as were many of the others.
My friends grandson has one line.

Pryceosh1987 · 04/12/2025 23:48

Get your son to ask the teachers the questions first. If no resolve then you can do it.

sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:53

@deste why obviously no dancers. DS’s school plays always had a dance sequence, usually performed by the younger cast members as stars, angels etc

deste · 04/12/2025 23:59

They hadnt planned to have dancers. They had six classes of children involved.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/12/2025 00:19

All children will get a certificate /star of the week etc

weve had 11/12w of school so under half of the class (if 30) would have had by now

someone has to be last

SullysBabyMama · 05/12/2025 01:09

I have a class of almost 30 children and only 5 have speaking lines.
Of course I had to choose children that were confident as they need to be happy to perform this to all the parents. Your son doesn’t sound very confident and so this is why he wouldn’t have been chosen for a larger role.
Re certificates, yes it’s worth mentioning in February if he still hasn’t got one. However also consider that intrinsic motivation is far better for child development than extrinsic motivation (which your son (or you) seem so bothered by).

stonebrambleboy · 05/12/2025 01:42

My granddaughter was Mary last year. She had two words " I'm tired' it's amazing how different those two words can sound. With the right gesture, eye role, sigh, yawn she smashed it. She's now known as Dame Judi Dench. He'll be great... ' Who meee ???'

IamNotBeingUnreasonable · 05/12/2025 02:12

Rosealea · 04/12/2025 22:56

What are his two words?

I'd definitely be nipping at the teachers heels about recognition, certificates etc. That's completely unacceptable.

Don't be so ridiculous 🙄