6 year old is sad to only have 2 words to say in nativity

[Crowandrow]

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to ask a question.
My six year old son is very sad to only have 2 words to say in the nativity. He says that everyone else has lots of words and are in more than one scene. He is in one scene.

He doesn't usually get upset by things but keeps mentioning how upset by this he is. He is also quite honest and tells me what is going on (telling me if he got in trouble etc) so I believe him.
he is also really sad that he has never got a certificate at all. He said quite sadly to me: I've shown perseverance! Why haven't I got one like everyone else?

WIBU to raise it with the teacher?something along the lines of: my son is a bit sad that he's got such a small part/ hasn't got a certificate unlike everyone else. I don't want to overstep, annoy the teacher or make things difficult for my son though. How should I approach it?
thank you.

We need the laugh emoji back for this.
In the church nativity Mary fell asleep, baby Jesus got left behind and the donkey bolted. It was brilliant.
Ohh and my DD marched up to the vicar (my friend) at the end said piped up, 'bye Rev XXX, mummy said you like wine'.

Im sure there are children with no lines and no certificate yet, it's not even end of term time so why don't you work with your son on his capacity for gratitude instead of mentioning any of this nonsense to the teacher.

When my DS was in infants he had 3 words. Some of the kids were different kinds of stars. He had to say ‘I’m a rockstar’ when it was his turn he shouted it as loud as he could and stole the show. Tell your son they’re going to be the best two words in the whole show and that he’ll be best sheep/star/lobster there’s ever been.

Well he's obviously good with words if he comes out with words like 'perseverance' at age 6, so shame he's not been given more. However, 2 words is good in my world. My DD was only ever a tree or a sheep. She got to dance but never uttered a word in any of her nativity plays.

What are his two words?

I'd definitely be nipping at the teachers heels about recognition, certificates etc. That's completely unacceptable.

Thank you so much for all your replies, I appreciate them all.

I am a bit unclear how to quote people properly, so please bear with me.

Most of you are saying to not speak to the teacher, and instead prop up my son's self confidence - I think that's s good idea. I always reassure him that he's doing brilliantly because he is, school is hard work for them!

His teacher appears to be competent, smart and fair so I have trusted her thus far to give the certificates on merit though I (as many of you appear to be) am a bit dubious about why they are given to particular children.. though of-course I am not there so only going by his word.

He's already said that one 'naughty' kid gets them all the time so seems unfair.

I am going to make a certificate for him from me in the meantime and see how the certificate situation evolves.

I find it hard because I'm sure like many other parents my son goes to breakfast club and after school club as my husband and I aren't around for those times, so I don't ever get to see his teacher daily. Sometimes I feel this means that your child gets forgotten!

I'm very sad because neither my husband or I can attend the nativity because of work (I am a teacher snd have been denied leave and my husband is away with work at that time ) but have asked his grandmother to attend to see him in it so he has someone cheering him on.

I've seen first hand as a teacher how some kids get forgotten so am always conscious with the children in my care to be fair and to be seen to be fair.

Also have had some very pushy parents as a teacher who have been wrong on things which is why I wanted to ask this question on here.

To the poster who has said to advocate for your child - thank you. I agree with you, just need to phrase it right and make sure that what I am saying is reasonable. My son has said that he likes his teacher so that is a plus, he feels liked by her and says she is kind.

I will prop up his self esteem.

His part is a shepherd. he says his two words with great expression and I will ask for a performance at home and listen to his singing too so that I can feel part of it!

Thank you all very much

Nope. Build his resilience by teaching him that he cannot have things his way, all of the time. That disappointment is a part of life.

Ah yes forgot to say! It's one of their values, their always teaching them these values during assemblies etc. but he is good with words, quite chatty.

This is true too, and I try to work on his resilience. But i also want to be his cheerleader. He has been saying the certificate thing for about 6 months - it's been a long time! So wanted to know how best to help him feel secure. I don't want him continuously sad over this.

Have worked out how to reply properly I hope!

His two words are 'Who, me?'

Thank you, I will try this!

And getting him a certificate that he’s only getting because mummy kicked up a fuss is the way to do that?

I don't really understand why your tone is quite so curt?
My son spoke with me about something that is upsetting him. I am his mother, so I take his concerns seriously. In my posts I have been very fair to his teacher and was simply asking advice from others on their opinions on this.
my son is full of gratitude in many ways and a lovely boy, his gratitude needs no work.
if you feel this is nonsense that is your right, but no need to be so unnecessarily rude.

I’ve not read the full thread so apologies if someone has also said this or something similar.
i had this situation when my daughter was at primary school- she said that she was the only one with no words in a special class assembly (that parents were invited to watch) and that literally every single other child had words and she just had to sit there.

I was so dubious about this but she was a very honest child, so I wrote the teacher a short note asking her to reassure my daughter that she wasn’t the only child with nothing to say and explained she was feeling a bit sad about the assembly.

that night my daughter came home and said the teacher had apologised to her and that there had been a mistake and she now did have a few words and something to do.
(And yes I went to the assembly and as far as I could see everyone had some words/something to do)

I am pleased I advocated for her!

OMG OP this is lurdicrous. I can't believe people are replying to this seriously. No you don't say anything and you teach him this is part of life

Honestly you need to drop all this. Half the class are in the second half of the class to get a certificate! They are not given out “in merit order” and it does NOT matter whether he has received one. I would really not be encouraging him to fixate on it and by fixating on it yourself there is a real risk that that feeling “leaks” out to him. The nativity thing is almost certainly untrue - as in, he has a small part along with a load of other kids who also have a small part.

I really don’t think you need to intervene - this is just being in a class and how life is. If the report back from Gran from the nativity is ALL the kids had loads more lines then by all means ask if there was a particular reason he was not offered the same. Equally after nearly 30 weeks of the year have passed and people are getting their second certificates it may be appropriate to mention - you are miles away from that.

your son is doing great. Big him up at home, and teach him that he is awesome regardless of certificates and to make the best of whatever part or role he has. This will mean far more for how he grows and develops than any of the minor disappointments he has going through!

Good luck - you obviously really care about him and it’s lovely.

Hilarious!!! Kids are so funny.

So it was an oversight! Glad that it worked out well and that your daughter's teacher was kind enough to rectify it.

This happened to my grandson and we encouraged him to ask the teacher ‘what do I have to do to get a certificate?’ He got it shortly after that. Sometimes the quiet well behaved ones don’t seem to get noticed. A gentle reminder coming from him can’t hurt. Better from him than you.

Well it's hardly ludicrous. I'm a teacher, believe me certificates are often given on merit (in all the 20 schools I've worked in).

That is the premise that his school gives certificates on. Having said that, he's not had one yet for quite a long while and he is sad about it, which is why I wanted to ask how best to approach it.

I have not said that I will go in all guns blazing but he is my son and I will work out the best way to help him.

in fact, I reposted to say that I will work on his confidence and wait a little while so not sure why you even posted what you did.

Is it just one class doing the nativity? At DS's school (one form entry), YR and KS1 classes did the nativity play together. YR danced, Y1 sang and Y2 had the majority of lines.

Yes sadly this is often the case, I have seen it.

I'm unsure to be honest, the communication from school isn't always clear. It's 3 form entry so I think the nativity may be separated into year groups, so each year group does a nativity.

Dont do it! It’s so cringe. They know he only has two lines, they know some kids are sad about it. My daughter said exactly the same thing to me earlier. She is exceptionally confident and well spoken btw and that’s not a brag because her twin brother is a pillock so I can admit their strengths and weaknesses. My response was this: ‘I understand you’re sad and I’m sorry about that, these things happen, sometimes we don’t get what we want.’ And we went about our day.

When my eldest was in lower primary she used to get upset about being overlooked. She performed well but she was shy and quiet. She used to get upset about the injustice of being overlooked. I played it right down - these certificates are about encouraging other kids to do well, she doesn’t need that encouragement because she’s doing well all by herself etc.

She’s in P7 now and is far from overlooked. She’s flying. Her teachers love her. She also does not care for certificates of mediocrity. She has nothing to prove.