Is this ocd

[Daisychain88]

Little things about my husband tend to really bother me.
For example he puts his phone in between his shorts and boxers ( if that makes sense) if he doesnt have a pocket.

Today I noticed his shorts were inside out and then he put them on the right way in the eve which grosses me out because his underwear has touched that part.
These are just some of the things that make me want to vomit tbh. Gives me a nauseous feeling. & when I address it he gets so angry.
Can someone tell me if I'm being unreasonable?

No I wouldn’t say OCD. there’s no obsessive compulsion or intrusive thoughts. You seem extremely uptight and perhaps a little dramatic. Maybe you’re just a germaphobe?

I think we need a bit more information before we can say if you have ‘OCD’ or not. Do you have intrusive thoughts? Repetitive problematic behaviours that are negatively affecting your life?

The example you gave doesn’t seem so bad. Why are you so worried that your h’s shorts touched the outside of his boxers? What do you think could go wrong?

OCD is a severe mental illness in which intrusive thoughts provoke enormous distress which leads the sufferer to perform compulsions ( physical or mental) which lead to even more distress.

Getting the ick with a grubby partner is not OCD.

I have had ocd before and still get phases of it. And this gives me intrusive thoughts about germs spreading all over the carpet. Them going on my kids when they sit in the same place as him. Its the surface contamination issue. Then I change all their clothes which gives me a heap of laundry. What I really want to know is, is this disgusting what he is doing or is it my ocd/germophobic condition i have? We end up arguing if I ask. I have this things about underwear in particular. So his boxers touching the area he sat in it bothers me thinking it has toilet germs on his boxers and they transfer then he has put his shorts the right way so now the dirty part is exposed.

Yes that's your OCD playing up OP. You're massively overthinking and it's not rational.

It still sounds more like a phobia than OCD.

You say you've had OCD before...are you diagnosed? Have you had treatment?

It's contamination OCD.

There's a difference between being germ phobic and having contamination OCD.
That's why I asked OP about previous experience.

Yeah I have had contamination OCD since covid and I feel it's ruining my relationship. I have had help for it and it has improved. But my husband's response has been fully unsupportive so it has created a lot of resentment from my side. I went through it alone but had therapy. But I still carry certain habits and have certain triggers like the one mentioned. I can't get past it. My thought pattern that is. I try and fight it but then tonight I ended up antibac the floor where he sat. He was annoyed but said nothing.

Sorry to hear that OP.

It sounds like you have two problems.
Your fear of contamination and an unsupportive partner.
Could his apparent lack of empathy come from a lack of understanding?
OCD is so misunderstood. So many people think you can just snap out of your intrusive thoughts when that just isn't the case and he clearly does not understand the depth of your distress.

Would he be willing to read up on the obsessive cycle, or accompany you to therapy? Maybe if he educates himself he'll have a different perspective.

@GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme it's just he hates anything I do that involves OCD style behaviour. He's so sensitive to it now that even normal hygiene like cleaning he rolls his eyes at me. I think it's gone too far for him. I do not known if he would accompany me i could try asking him. But he's so fed up. I do get why but he shows no empathy at all and I do sometimes think if he had supported me from the early days of ocd developing would I have been much better today? Have built that trust with him?

Based on your more detailed explanation (which should have been in the OP) I think this is OCD.
You must tell your husband to ignore your complaints and not change anything that he’s doing to accommodate your false beliefs.

Hi op
I wonder if your ocd is somehow now linked to your husband and his lack of understanding about your distress?
I have ocd with reassurance seeking. Not germs. Just reassurance about relationships.
It seems now to have linked itself to my husband not understanding my distress and becoming angry and unbearably irritated when I ask for reassurance??

@Lizzbear yes 100% it is a trigger. I notice how when there isn't reassurance it spirals more. Even if he reasoned with me to just make me see the sense that would help. But he refuses & it makes it worse. I think there is a definitive link.

Yeah this is what he does anyway. I don't blame him. But he could be more empathetic.

I don't blame him for not engaging because it's irrational. Sorry but it's your issue to solve. Whether that's therapy or medication. I know you can't help it but he sounds like he's got to the stage where everything cleaning wise is annoying him.

Sorry to read about your OCD. I agree with PP about your husband not changing to accommodate the OCD, but yes to show more empathy. OCD gives real fear which is horrible and real, no matter how irrational you know the fear is. The thing is that reassurance of one thing can help briefly, but then shift the ocd to something else linked to your contamination fear. Maybe time to try some outside support again.

Im really sorry but the person living with someone with ocd runs out of empathy, their empathy pot runs dry.
Can you tell him you know it’s your ocd and you’re sorry.

It sounds like a type of misophonia but not people eating just personal hygiene.

Reassurance is actually the worst thing he could do for you, although it might not feel that way.
It just feeds the notion that there is an actual danger there in the first place.

Absolutely this.

Reassurance has a negative effect on OCD sufferers as it just puts out one fire by starting another one.
No amount of reassurance will help because OCD seeks a certainty that is unattainable, if you get anywhere close to "resolving" it just throws more intrusive thoughts and fears at you.

However there's a world of difference between him not providing reassurance and not being supportive. If he's genuinely an arse who lacks empathy it's hard to see how he could change

If you've been through therapy you know that DHs reassurance is not the solution.
You need ERP or ICBT. Your first priority is to get yourself some help, and then maybe re-evaluate your relationship with this guy, because as you know, OCD is treatable and manageable, but it is chronic and you deserve better going forward.

He isn't supportive. It triggers me. The other week we had an argument (not ocd related) his response was to get the things I 'deem contaminated " or something that could trigger me and chuck it all over the room. Luckily I never had a complete breakdown l. But I never spoke to him for 3 weeks after that.
He is fed up but for him to trigger me it's something else. I noticed my ocd got even worse after this event.