Secret Santa in school- seriously ?

[arcticpandas]

Son in y8: 12 y old. Teacher told them yesterday that they were to have a secret Santa. Son drew the name of a boy he doesn't know so no idea what to get him. Income disparites are stark: some very wealthy, others just making it. I don't like the idea at all tbh. Why buy a random someone a gift? And they are all telling each other who they drew so nothing secret about it. No communication to parents and when I asked ds about sums he said they could do what they wanted; if some want to spend more or less they can do that. Wtf. More or less than what? And they will all compare and if someone gives a "lousy" gift he will hear about it so I think even those who can't afford it will spend more than they want. We live in a fairly affluent area but not all are affluent.

What are your experiences of this?

Aibu: you Grinch, you have no christmas spirit- it's lovely to have a secret santa

Ainbu: it's not appropriate to do a secret santa in school- especially not with no limit for spending and the only communication given to children not to the parents who have to go shopping something random for some random

I’m kind of with you on this, OP. The entire middle prep of my children’s school do this (years 3-5). There is a sensible £5 limit and it’s an indy so they know everyone can afford it (they also have to write down three things they would like which makes it easy). However I was a bit that they came home with Secret Santa names and I had no pre-warning. We had a lot of fun with it actually, but what if families don’t want their children participating in something like this? It seemed odd that it wasn’t voluntary.

My daughters school do this, she’s had kids she doesn’t know much before but this year she knows the kid, and they’ve chosen each other so they’re going to plan it together next week. School have said limit is £10 but that most people spend £5. Not sure why the limit isn’t just £5 🤷‍♀️
when she didn’t know the kid she got the biggest bar of chocolate she could get for £5. Tesco did a clubcard offer last year for one.

No issue with secret santa at school on principle. But not the way your child's teacher is doing it.
At DS's secondary school there's a £1 limit and it has to be sweets or chocolate.

I think it's stupid. As the OP has already indicated, the kids tell each other whose name they have drawn so it isn't "secret" - and this may cause anxiety and embarrassment for some less well off families. A teacher should surely realise that.

It seems parents these days go along with anything - Book Day - or whatever it's called - became a big headache for parents, who felt they had to make great efforts to do fancy dress, then there is Halloween, Easter, Christmas, proms. My grandchildren even had "graduation" ceremonies when leaving nursery to go to school. It is getting ridiculous and pressurising.

I don't think you have much option but to go along with it, since it appears to be a fait accompli, but I wish more parents wouldn't be so compliant on these sorts of issues.

I.think this Secret Santa business is just a load of old tut. Don't know or care what it's origins are..But it has become very over commercialised and out of control.

And it certainly not be allowed in UK schools.

Another American money making gimmick to make more money like Black Friday.

Hive it a wide berth.

They did Secret Santa at my DC school y7-y9 everyone just bought and gifted chocolate/sweets as the only safe thing. Y10 DS really wanted to spend the budget on a big bag of concrete powder from B&Q but I wouldn't let him. Y11 no one could be bothered to organise it and it didn't happen.

American???

Oh deary, deary me...

So he asks a friend of a friend of the kid and finds out whether he'd like a chocolate orange and if so, milk or dark...

He'd find himself doing something like that if he wanted to ask a girl out and wasn't sure of his reception.

It's a good way to cut your teeth in the area of social skills.

My kids did it, it was a very low budget like £3 or something. I'm pretty sure most have each other chocolate bars.

Update: I think I'm not the only parent who wondered about this and some have been more pro active than me asking the teacher who has now given a budget of 5-10£. Unfortunately she added that they were free to spend more than this. I should say that she is participating in rhe secret santa so maybe she's hoping for a nice gift😅

Are you sure there is no spending limit? Ask his teacher direct, as your son may not have got the gist. I think it’s lovely provided only £5 max, and frankly even a bar of choc costs less than that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have worked in secondary schools for 15 years and never heard of this happening. Sounds like an awful idea to be honest, just environmentally for a start. This year the year 12s did a secret Santa (there are 25 of them) but they arranged it themselves and are 16/17 years old.

I think it’s odd for the teacher to involve herself. Who wants a gift from the teacher and who wants to be the one buying for the teacher. Horrible idea already without that added detail. Secret Santa should be opt in only. I would make a complaint.

Agree.
My DS old school had a better idea.
Everyone bought in something to donate - no issues if there wasn’t anything, school always bought extra chocolates . DS could then chose something to give to someone at home after wrapping it at school.
Good for recycling whilst teaching them about giving.

Yes Americans apparently do a weird sounding thing called "White Elephant" or something.
Is that actually fairly common @mathanxiety ?

My DC enjoyed doing this, we usually bought a Christmassy chocolate gift or some sweets. I live in an affluent area and there were no PlayStation games etc being exchanged. It’s not something to start worrying about.

The absence of budget is the main issue. Even for a group of adults it would make the whole thing a bit difficult.
FWIW my DC had a secret santa at school last year and it was lovely. 15£ budget, so enough for something nice. The kids decided to do one SS for the girls and a separate one for the boys. The parents organised a small gathering after school one day to open the presents, everybody was happy :)

That's a much better idea. I think we did something similar when I was a child at primary school.

I think inappropriate. I liked the place that replaced Secret Santa with a charity fundraiser. Children probably too young to ask them to nominate a charity themselves.

My DCs y8 class do this - last year when their names were put into the hat they had to write a couple of types of things they would like next to their own name, this year they’ve just got to pull the names from the hat with no ideas because they were told “you should all know each other really well now so should know what each other likes”. This comment has put my DC into a tailspin because she feels she doesn’t know the person at all and feels like she will now let them down with her gift and look bad. Also there is no budget set for it.

Its ridiculous. They don’t think of parents circumstances this time of year at all. This month between my children’s schools (including primary) there has been (and will be) secret Santa, contribution to a hamper, school photos, Christmas cards to order and pay for of the children’s artwork (what happened to making the sweet single card to bring home to parents?), Christmas jumper Day, contributions to the school fair, money to take in to purchase stuff at the fair, panto trips to pay for - and that’s just the things I can remember!

I've seen schools do it to avoid students exchanging lavish gifts whilst others get nothing. Limit is usually either £2-3 or £5. Mine always got fun things. It's also a great way of encouraging students to find out things about people and maybe make new friends too. There will always be students who get a large bar of Dairy Milk or something from the pound shop. It's a life lesson in the importance of receiving gifts in good grace and also in taking time to give the best gift you can too.