Late to a funeral - etiquette?

[Augustandeverythingafter1]

Just wanted to know people would have done. Obviously not be late but we were and the funeral started exactly on time. Not a church.

We arrived just as they were bringing the coffin into the room. We followed it in without thinking. So everyone saw us behind the coffin.

We should have been sat at the front and my partner started walking there but I (silenty) just pulled him into some seats on the edge of a row at the back. Basically just trying to be as discreet as possible.

But now Im thinking we should have waited outside until it had begun and everyone was looking at the front, not the door and then quietly slipped in.

What would you have done?

Humm, who was the funeral for?, if you were sitting at the front was it an immediate realtive? If so I think I would have sat up front, but if not then I would have waited till the coffin was in and sit at the back like you said.

I would have waiting a couple of minutes until the coffin was at the top of aisle and then snuck in and sat at the back or maybe if there was a side aisle I would have gone up there if there was empty seats at the edge but not if people would have to move.

Argh, sympathies. I was late to a few funerals and weddings and had to learn to force myself to go ludicrously early (in my mind) which may result in literally sitting in a coffee shop for 2 hours but is better than being late ever again.

Probably it would have been best to wait outside for a minute or two but I think what you did was fine.

I wouldn't have followed the coffin directly in to the service. It's done now though so no point beating yourself up over it. I assume nobody said anything afterwards?

I think you were okay in the circumstances, you weren’t thinking and it doesn’t sound as though you disturbed anyone or caused others to have to move. An immediate relative, I’d have followed in and taken my seat at the front, etiquette when it’s your own parent or sibling is a bit looser. A less close relative or friend, I’d probably have waited until the casket was settled and then quietly gone in and found a seat / standing space near the back. But I really wouldn’t overthink it, everyone’s minds will have been focused elsewhere.

If you were front row mourners, isn't following the coffin OK?

Otherwise I'd have let it go in, then slipped in and stood at the back.

I would have waited until the coffin was at the front and then slip in and sit at the back.

Fine if it's your funeral

Was it an immediate relative? If so being late wasn’t a good look but following the coffin in isn’t a big deal unless the other immediate relatives think it is. If you weren’t an immediate relative then you should have waited and either stood / sat at the back.

I doubt it made much difference to anyone there. Unless you were making a fuss and waving to people then you won't have been that noticeable coming in behind the coffin. Not worth worrying about it.

I was late to my brother's FIL's funeral when what should have been a 90 minute drive took over 3 hours. We just slipped in and I can't imagine anyone really clocked us or you or thought anything of it.

I would have waited and slipped in after the coffin was at the front but I wouldn’t care if anyone did what you did

I would have waited till the coffin was set at the front and slipped to sit in the back.

But I am sure you're fine.

I don’t get it - at every funeral I’ve ever been at we’ve followed the coffin in. Immediately family first, then just walk in. You didn’t push in front of the inmediate family? Then you’re fine. If you ARE immediate family you should have sat at the front too.

I've never followed a coffin in. At every funeral I've been too everyone is invited to take their seats just before the hearse arrives then the immediate family walk in then the coffin last.

How random! I’ve been to many many funerals. The coffin always goes first followed by immediate family.

Yes. I understood that everyone should be in place before the coffin comes in.

And then coffin and v immediate family / agreed ‘funeral party’ mourners following the coffin if they have chosen to follow the coffin in.

But other guests arrive earlier and take their seats.

What about other guests? Are they already seated or following further behind? I might have seen family follow the coffin, it doesn’t sound familiar but might have happened but I've never known the general attendees be anything other than seated prior then asked to stand when the coffin and family arrive.

Op you did what you did. Your unlikely to be in the same postition again.
No point in stressing.

I might have done my of the options you mentioned - probably not walking to the front though maybe if I was a first degree relative and the rest of my family was there I might have done.
you’re overthinking.
sorry for your loss

Last two funerals I’ve been to everyone waited outside for the hearse and family cars to arrive and waited for the coffin and immediately family to go in and then followed.

in you situation I would have waited for the coffin to reach the front the quietly sat at the back.

I think the only potentially slight faux pas was starting to walk to the front. You were quite right to subtly direct DH to a seat at the back.

There was no harm done and most people wouldn’t have noticed.

If you were family, then it's pretty normal to follow the coffin in, in rough order of "closest to the deceased."
But it sounds like you got away with it.
The moral of the story, don't be late for funerals.

I've been to lots of funerals. Mostly the close relatives do follow the coffin in and they sit at the front. So I would have thought you'd sit at the front.

I wouldn’t worry about this at all either people won’t mind because they know it’s not important or they do mind and then that means they are the type of judgemental and unpleasant people who’s opinion I don’t care about.

One of the most important things to do when someone dies is for everyone to be as kind and considerate and NON-judgemental of other people as possible.

Unfortunately, Mumsnet posters have shown me that some people are horribly judgmental and very rigid in how they think funerals and deaths must be dealt with.

I would have waited for the coffin to be in and snuck in, then sat at the back