Can't afford Dd's very expensive school trip

[Wario54]

My DD is 15 and in year 10 at the moment. We live a deprived part of the North of England. She goes to a local, state comprehensive

My DH has had his hours reduced at work in recent months. I work part time in retail (can't get anymore hours unfortunately - I have asked). Like a lot of families, we're financially struggling to keep our heads above water. But we get by (somehow) and I never take the little things for granted (that we have each other, food on the table and a roof over our heads). We've not told our kids about our financial worries - they know there isn't much spare money but not about the extent of our problems.

Dd has come home tonight with a letter and great excitement about another school trip. They had a guest speaker today (external travel company) in assembly today enthusing them about a trip to Borneo of all places. It's 4 weeks long and the cost is £6,500. Currently planned for June/July 2027 (just after her GCSE'S). They are expected to fundraise some of the cost themselves (bake sales, sponsored walks etc) but we will have to pay the majority if she's to go.

She said today that she'll get a Saturday job to cover some of the cost herself. But even with that, taken into account we just can't afford it. It breaks my heart, because I'd love to give her that opportunity but I know we simply can't.

She's full of excitement about trekking through the jungle and cuddling Orangutans. But how do I tell her when she's already set her heart on it? 😢

I just think the school are being completely ridiculous by offering such an expensive trip in a cost of living crisis.

Well, if you wish to volunteer for a free holiday then I’m sure they’d love to have you 😂

Tbf you make a good point, I assumed it was all volunteering. It's a great opportunity though, and id happily contribute to a friend's child raising money. Usually fundraising involves doing something to earn the money too, so it's not all hand outs.

Yes but the money that is given under the banner of "fundraising" is actually to pay for the trip, none of it goes to the people who actually need it! Half goes to the company as profit and the other half pays the travel and accomodation.

A lot of people think that your child "fundraising" is doing it for the very people they are patronising visiting so happily give, and thats simply not true!

ETA I wonder if, thinking about how easily so many kids are taken in by this, how many of the kids themselves realise that the money they are raising isnt for the people that they want to help. Because I do truly believe that the kids themselves really do want to help others by volunteering and are sold this trip as a way to see the world and provide practical support to those that desperately need it.

If it helps a bit… you should know that the vast majority of parents don’t fall for these expensive schemes and that part of becoming a responsible young adult is to learn the value of money and how many hours it costs to acquire it.

My father often reminisced of the time when my friends at the scouts and I decided, at 14 years old, that we would go to the next Olympic Games on the other side of the world by putting money together doing little jobs for the neighbours in exchange of a donation, we had 4 years to get the funds so what could stop us?

Reality, that was what stopped us, after a few weekends of hard work for little money we realised we will find it impossible to get the money AND that we didn’t want to sacrifice 4 years working weekends to go and watch some people doing gymnastics.

Make it clear you are not able to subsidise the trip but that she is free to go if she can get the money together. She will let go of the dream without much pain, honestly.

School governors should stop this kind of idiocy.

My son had a school trip offered to his year group to Guatemala for 3 weeks working with kids and also conservation. It cost 6k. The answer was a simple No, I made no apology, but explained that sometimes we just can’t do the things we want to do. Or that we can’t do them when we want to do it. He understood and it never made a huge impact on his life. He’s now 30. He has his own home and understands completely why some things are just not achievable for everyone. The school are completely wrong and stupid to put it out there to kids. Kids don’t pay for it. No amount of Saturday jobs will get the amount of money!

My school did this exact one when I was in 6th form 10 years ago. I’d always done school trips (Spain, France etc) but I knew that this was just out of the question and we didn’t have money worries, I just knew it was too big an ask. The only kids that went were the rich kids (about 4 of them). The only thing you can do is be honest with your DD; say it’s great that she’s willing to work for it but you can’t afford to help. If she got a job at min wage, would she have time to save up for it?

FWIW, I have an 8 year old DD and I am comfortable (not rich) and I wouldn’t pay this for her (or in 10 years).

DD’s school in the SE had one of these, I think it was 3 weeks, camping and 5k. Not poor area, mix of backgrounds for kids. She asked about it but understood it was a straight no. I have told her from the beginning that we would pay for one trip at school and luckily they have had several offered at different price points.

We had experience of one of these companies, also Borneo but nothing like that cost. They sell it to the kids with slick marketing. Ask the question how much of the money is kept by them for admin costs because I think it’s a big percentage.
Thankfully lockdown stopped the thing but getting all of the money back was not easy.
DD ended up using the money raised on an alternative volunteering trip directly with a charity where she knew the money would be put to good use.

I did a week away with children as a volunteer, it was grim I’d never ever do it again. It is not a holiday for the supervising adults

When my kids were offered one of these trips. I explained the reasons why I didn't support school kids raising money under the pretence that they were doing something useful - if charity was the aim, there were plenty of local deprived people that the school could put some effort into helping and if helping the kids in Africa was the chosen priority then they should raise money and send it to a local organisation training local people to build or paint houses or teach english or whatever the plan was (I think painting the same wall over and over again was one of the jobs they ask 15 years to do). 4 of dd's friends went, she was a bit upset that I had said no but she understood the reasons why I would not support an excursion like this.
The 4 friends spoke of not receiving a lot of guidance or support whilst they camped for several nights, feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of looking after themselves - one of them had type 1 diabetes - they felt teachers kept their distance a little too much - it might have been the idea - but they sounded slightly traumatised by the experience. There was a lot of tension between them on their return. Listening to them, I was really glad dd had not gone.

Surely this is where you just laugh and tell her to put the letter straight into the bin?

You are unreasonable to let her get her hopes up!… If my DD came home with that letter I’d shut it down instantly!
’sorry love but £6k is a huge amount & there’s absolutely no way we can afford that!’ End of

and yes I’d be submitting a complaint to school!

our school won’t even do a trip to Thorpe park because of the cost of living crisis!

This travel company should have not been allowed into the school to hunt for potential customers. Disgraceful. Please complain to the headteachers and the board or governors about this. Cuddling Orang Utans in the jungle? That's what they will teach them about wildlife? Sounds unethical on so many levels.

Yes. I had young scouts fundraising for a trip to go to Africa to paint eyes on cows so the Lion's don't eat them, which in turn saves the Lions......I didn't want to say it to the kids but clearly they are being led astray by adults who should know better. If you'd raise all the thousands they needed for the trip to pay local teenagers their age to paint the local cows how much would that save in air travel (good for the planet) & support local families with that money? Instead it goes on privileged kids playing at 'wildlife conservation'. They are so many useful things Scouts could do ...and this clearly wasn't one of them....it made me so sad.

Was just at Christmas markets and there were stalls with teens selling stuff to fund this type of trip. One mum said they need £5k for it.

I had young scouts fundraising for a trip to go to Africa to paint eyes on cows so the Lion's don't eat them, which in turn saves the Lions

WTAF?

Why don't local teens do the painting (if that really is a thing).

My DD school did similar - told the kids before telling the parents. Same sort of set up with an outside company and £6.5k total. I just explained that no, we couldn’t afford it. If you need to make it clearer then tell her how much she would need to raise each month and how difficult that will be, how much of her free time that will take. Also bear in mind that parents that can’t afford to send their children will not be first in line to pay money towards the ones that are! We are now constantly being bombarded with ‘buy this craft item’ and ‘attend this fundraising event’ and I’m not happy with donating to any or all of them tbh!
I personally think the whole thing is a con and I’m still annoyed about how the school handled the whole thing.

Yes, the animals aren't going to want to cuddle. Also when you invest so much time working and fundraising to go on a trip you can't afford, it's really demoralizing if you get sick or it doesn't live up to expectations.

When i was at school the only trips were Geography trips in the 6th Form to Leeds & Norwich. Borneo is a bucket list trips for later on in life. If you're doing bucket list activities when you're at school what will you do later in life - trips to the moon?

The school rugby team had tours to Wales or France - these days its Argentina or South Africa.

Crazy!

£6500 is the kind of price I'd expect for a private school trip, or otherwise in an affluent area school (like rich parts of london or the cheshire golden triangle)

YANBU, she can't go and she'll have to understand

We are now constantly being bombarded with ‘buy this craft item’ and ‘attend this fundraising event’ and I’m not happy with donating to any or all of them tbh!

Slightly off-topic, but this is nothing new. I remember from my own school days that we were given "charity envelopes" which we were expected to fill and return. As was pointed out at the time, it was tantamount to blackmail. Any children bringing in less money faced being embarrassed in front of their classmates - so hard-pressed parents were expected to part with money they could ill afford. Years later, when I was working, a colleague even brought one of these school fundraiser envelopes into the office and expected us all to contribute!

That’s is ridiculous … absolutely outrageous that they are offering that, who on earth is going to be able to afford to pay for that?!?

This sounds like my son’s school. It’s a trip organised by an outside company and in reality there will only be about a dozen kids sign up to it from two or three year groups. Just tell her no. Neither of my DS even asked about previous ones. There is quite a bit fund raising involved but parents still have a chunk to pay. I always think it’s ridiculous too, that and the expensive ski trip they offer. With both my DS they had friends whose parents could easily afford it, but none of them went. I either had asked me, the answer would have been no.