What would you do?

[sharkstale]

I have a holiday coming up in 2 days with my now-ex and 2 children. Eldest is not his. Youngest is a baby so doesn't know any different. It's not amicable between us, he's nasty hence the reason for the breakup (recent) and I just don't want to be around him. I'm happy to miss out on the holiday, but my dd would be devasted.

Yabu - suck it up for your daughters sake, its only for 4 days

Yanbu - don't go, it's not worth it

Loanly holiday for him then

Op did your dd particularly care for your ex? I doubt it.

Just say that given you aren’t together anymore, a holiday wouldn’t be appropriate but you’re going to book something special.

Shes old enough to have probably endured the two of you pre split, so I doubt she’ll be anything but relieved not to carry on enduring

Then he goes alone. Your future self will see you did the right thing, as will your daughter.

I'd suggest to him that he doesn't go, removes himself from the booking, makes you lead passenger and I will take the kids on my own. If he isn't on for that then I'd book something else.

Hope he enjoys his holiday alone then.

Agree with others saying he should drop out. I hope that’s an option for you.

Apparently you can go without the lead passenger, he just needs to cooperate.

Does he see himself as dd's dad?

Don't go either way though x

He is not her father! Why don't people read the posts?

Where is the holiday? Is it something like Centre Parcs or Butlins? If so, you could go and do separate activities, including meals, with your DD, and let him seek his own entertainment.

It's abroad, there's no way of going separately

Let him go alone. Imagine being stuck in a foreign country with a nasty ex and 2 young children! No way

Surely your 8 year old will have suffered the nasty atmosphere when you were living together? What was their relationship like? Don't put yourself and your kids through this pantomime. At that age she'll soon get over it.

We never lived together, we tried but I kicked him out fairly quickly because of how he spoke to me.

"good for benefits"

unsure what to make of this comment. It almost sounds as though you're saying I should have invited abuse into my home with my children rather than be a single parent?

We've barely had a relationship since. I sent him on his way to get counselling but saw little to no effort to change. So I've walked away.

I didn't book the holiday, he did. I didn't want to go from the start, making it clear my priority this month was Christmas. He wanted to go, so booked it anyway.

No, I don't 'think'. She's is very upset about not going, because to her it's a holiday abroad she's now not going on. As a pp pointed out, at her age she's unlikely to understand what it will be like.

Has she ever fallen out with a friend or experienced mean behaviour at school? If she has, that’s the way to explain how it would be. Is there any possibility of taking her somewhere else next year, that you and she choose together?

Yes, we have one booked for March with family.

Just tell your ex not to go? Surely it's obvious that you can't both go and your dd trumps your ex.