To wonder how she does it all?

[oneanddone22]

New woman on my team from another team in the company. We work in an office but fast paced environment. She has 3 kids and is renowned for being great at her job. Works full time and just seems to juggle everything. Always looks amazing and just a really nice person.

I on the other hand feel like I’m struggling with work and parenting. I have one child.

are there hacks that I’m missing? I would love to have tips on working full time and being a mum.

Probably has a DH that does his fair share on weekdays and - if she seems THAT on-it - local family and regular support with childcare. Or if she’s senior and well paid a nanny.

I work in the public sector and don’t know any mums at work, including the senior ones, who present like the person you describe!

I always felt like you OP after one DC then two, still do, now have older teens! As do the mums at work I’ve discussed it with. Our jobs aren’t great, perhaps that’s a factor!

I bet she thinks you’re really together because you always have things like jam jars to hand!

She probably works very hard to keep it all together. Mental attitude is a significant part to play. She probably wakes up & sees what she needs to get done & rolls her sleeves up & does it. She most definitely awake & dressed before her kids are up. Lunches & dinner prep done the night before. She probably has a great support network at home. She most definitely not letting herself be dragged down. she is possibly as tired as you are but she powers through.

however, don’t compare yourself to anyone. As long as you’re all fed & warm each night you’re already winning. If you’re after a little bit of motivation create a plan. Can you get up half an hour earlier. (Unless you’re going through a sleepless night stage) chances you can. You’d be amazed of what you can do it that time. Well we all know what miracles can happen when guests are about to descend on you with 10 minute warning. The house has the best tidy up of its life

You and your family sound amazing!

Stay at home partner?

Is she a single parent?

I am finding I can fit more in now I am, as I can batch cook, clean, etc when DC are with their dad and not feel guilty/be interrupted. I catch up on chores then, which means I’m free for DC

I sometimes get comments about being very ‘together’ and the truth is that I have a nanny, and a cleaner, a helpful husband, a strict approach to our morning routine and I spend a chunk of the evening prepping for the next day.

I’m also often close to breaking and waste too much time on Mumsnet.

She's just had more practice. She's 3 kids in and has a lot more knowledge under her belt. She might also have more help. Ask her for tips but you'll get there too with time.

Systems, routines and support.

meal plans
Laundry systen
cleaner
routines
don’t put it down put it away

this morning I got up at 6:30am, did 20
mins of yoga, put a wash on while I was waiting on coffee I folded the load from
the tumble dryer. Made the packed lunches and breakfasts. DH came down. He emptied the dishwasher. I went upstairs, made the bed had a shower. Got the children up

came down he had finished off breakfast- tidy away everything. Kids load their dishes in the dishwasher, fill their water bottles.

get dressed. Walk dog. Come back. See kids out the house.

at desk for work by 8:30

both children are in secondary

Of the women I know like this, their parents are doing A LOT in the background

At the risk of sounding a bit braggy, I probably seem like this to other people. I'm a single mum with 3 kids, work full time, been promoted twice in the last year, house is always tidy, always make an effort with my appearance and keep on top of exercise etc. I regularly have people tell me they don't know how I do it all.

The truth is I'm exhausted! I don't have much of a support system and the weight of all the responsibility is crushing some days. Plus I feel a lot of pressure to maintain everything as that's the standard I've set for myself now, so I worry that anything less will be seen as failing.

Try not to compare yourself OP! The swan analogy above is a good one. That's exactly how I feel!

I have suspected this to be true for some time and it would make a lot of sense. I should try it. <looks guiltily at phone in hand>

She could have a supportive partner and/or help from extended family. I was that woman, and thats how i did it.
Alternatively, she could put all her energies into the things you see, sacrificing rest, leisure and fun to do so.

I now of a 2 women like this and their single mums with no help whats so ever.
No family no ex to help no cm.

They are just on their game up ready and done.
One of them told me it's easy, just be a minimalist and have a good routine.
She has 4 children full time nurse.

The other said she just gets on with it.
She had 5 kids 2 sets of twins and a single.
She said it gets better as they get older.
Her kids are 13, 14 and 10.

They both said one thing that was the same they had their kids younger.
So they had the get up a go.

Then there's me that can't get out of bed and I dont have kids I had a cat, but got that rehomed I couldn't cope with it.
I can't keep a plastic plant alive.
These women put me to shame 😆.

The other thing to remember is we all take for granted the things we do ourselves and are impressed by the things other people do that we don't do. I saw a post by an (ex) influencer listing all the crafts etc she did for content last year vs what she has done this year now she has a FT job. I commented about having been so disorganised one year I iced the cake after Christmas and she said 'but you made the cake!'.

Maybe buys in help.

Well I only have the one child too and I'm totally exhausted and there's 2 women at work I am close to with toddlers AND a baby and they're doing a lot better than me.

The difference? Their first babies both SLEPT. They both sleep trained at 4 months and ever since, except for the odd bug, their toddlers sleep 12 hours a night.

I had a horrific pregnancy and birth and my 18 month old still doesn't reliably sleep through the night. We tried sleep training, didn't work. Until he was 14 months, he still woke every 3 or 4 hours. He now only wakes 2 times per night but it means I still don't get a full night of sleep. He does do the odd night of sleeping through but it's once or twice a week maybe.

I haven't slept a full night several nights in a row since my first trimester.

This is us. We work full time, 3 dc. We had a concert for our eldest tonight, and in the evening I had a sit down after dinner which was doing an hour of admin for a volunteer role I have with my youngests nursery and hated every minute. Dh had a sit down watching tv while he folded 4 baskets of washing. We are pretty knackered tbh.

She probably gets up very early.

That was my first thought too.

Have you ever heard of the saying 'fake it till you make it'. This may be her mantra. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Support network. Unless you’re both in a very highly paid job I doubt she’s got 3 kids in wrap around care 5 days a week. Then just extrapolate your thoughts from there.

An equal and supportive partner