To keep my 5 year old off school if she isn’t ill

[earlymorningriserzz]

Our school has a horrible virus going around- few teachers and lots of kids off.

Nativity was due to be this week but it’s been rescheduled to next week due to the volume of absences.

I have a 4 month old baby and I’ve suffered badly with anxiety since DD1 fell when she was younger and knocked herself out. She does this every time and I can’t unsee it.

Im feeling so anxious and worried about her brining something home and passing it onto my 4 month old.

I know I can’t always prevent them getting ill but am I being pathetic to keep her off for a few days? Its causing me so much stress 😭

I don't think you are pathetic at all, but I would advise against it. It's winter in a primary school. There will be viruses around for months. Once you've started keeping your child off, when do you stop? I think you just need to accept they are a hazard of having a kid and she goes in unless SHE is ill. Otherwise for the next 3-4 months you'll just be stressing everyday over whether "it's a too virus-y day" and she should be off, or "she's missed to much school" and needs to go in. That sounds like MUCH more stress than having the occasional illness.

I agree with the PP, this might help your anxiety this time but it won't in the long term. There's so much sickness in schools you will want to pull your elder child out multiple times this winter and going forward. You might rationalise it as this once, but realistically your anxiety will want you to do it more and more. And maybe build to other scenarios (anxiety tends to increase in my experience unless you fight it). I'd send her in. I'd also see if you can get any help with your anxiety, it must've been horrible to see your daughter like that and it's understandable that it's made you wary, but stressing to this extent suggests you need some help processing it and moving forward.

@stichguru

Thank you, I totally get where you’re coming from and agree. I guess I just need to hear it from others that whilst it’s not pleasant to get ill, my kids will be fine and will recover easily like most kids do.

ahh being a parent can be hard - I just love them SO much.

Ive done it....and unashamedly would do it again. But then again I need to live upto my username 😀

Youre likely to have missed the boat.

Most things are infectious before they become symptomatic.

Is it Norovirus or something similar, what makes you so worried about this particular virus as there are always illnesses doing the rounds at school, especially at this time of the year?

Honestly, what's a 5 year old gonna miss?
Skipping school is no biggie.
BUT to what end?
There's always nasty viruses going around.
You might as well go "home schooled" but even that won't keep germs at bay

To be honest, it’s because so many have been off at once. One of her friends has been really unwell for over a week now and I’m just so anxious about how badly it’ll affect my 4 month old.

i know it’s mostly all irrational and I spend a lot of time overthinking and making the situations worse in my head

I’m not worried about her missing school - but she loves it. But equally would love a day at home with me!

But yes agreed, I think it’s because right now I can SEE the affects of the virus going around which is stressing me out more. I need to stop googling 🫣

I think you’re right. The kids started getting sick last Tuesday and we have all been fine apart from a snotty nose.

Plenty of children will also be fine though, you are only hearing about the ones who have fallen ill.

My 5yo has had three bouts of illness this year, one requiring 4 days off and the others 3 each. I've already had a letter from the school about her attendance so I certainly wouldn't be keeping her off when she's not actually ill.

Lots of schools are more careful around handwashing and promote the catch it bin it kill it message since the Pandemic.
I can understand your anxiety but be careful not to pass it on to your child.

id take extra precautions - when she comes home from school have her wash her hands and change her clothes before she comes into contact with the baby and you wash your hands too if you help her

when Mine were at primary I used to wash their hands as soon as in and dettol spray their shoes , coats book bags , everything. I worked full time though so never kept them off , I’ll still take lots of precautions to keep germs away!!

Try not to pass your anxieties onto her.

Surely the early years are arguably more important? That’s when they are learning the basics.

Yes this - try to limit things like kissing and cuddling with baby too if you feel she’s becoming unwell.

it is best she’s in school both education wise and for her immune system. Make sure all vaccines are up to date for both kids including flu and then just cross your fingers and hope for the best.

fwiw @earlymorningriserzz I had some health anxiety around dc1 after they had neonatal sepsis so I get it. Took a while for me to get past the fear that the next illness would be really harmful, but you will get there. Don’t let this anxiety rule your life and become overwhelming and speak to your HV if support is needed

I was wondering this a few weeks ago when literally half my daughter's class were off. I sent her in though and she didn't get it but there are still loads off weeks later so she could still get it. She can't stay off for months though so just going to have to take this risk. I have been a teacher for 20 years and never seen so many absences in my school as the last month.

You're not unreasonable to worry, but it would be unreasonable to keep DD off school; I wouldn’t want her to miss the fun of being at school with her friends in the run up to Christmas for one thing.

Unfortunately it's that time of year when more illnesses are common. Likewise January also normally starts another round.
It would be hard to know when to draw the line in terms of keeping your DD home to prevent her getting ill and passing it onto the baby. If the cases are that bad, then the school will have to notify authorities and information is sent to parents about guidance. In severe cases then classes might be shut down and a deep clean organised.
At the moment it sounds like school are trying to minimise risks (by cancelling the Nativity) and you don't know how many people are all off for actual illness or how many might be doing what you were thinking or just using sickness as an excuse for having a day off.

As a retired Reception teacher I agree strongly. It might look like they're 'just playing' but there's a lot going on.

I have a five year old (well, in two weeks!)

I can’t believe how much he’s learned this term.

The only time I would do this is if we are on the last week of term and theres a vomiting bug going round

I am sorry you’re feeling so anxious just now, I have a lot of health anxiety too - as does my daughter in particular. We had a massive event for my daughter last weekend and took turns getting Covid for the last month. My daughter was so worried about catching it she took to running out of the room if anyone else came in. And to be fair - she didn’t catch it (yet!)

The biggest issue is that if you let your anxiety rule your life to this degree, there’s no obvious end to it. Kids get sick, every winter everything goes round and if you give in to the intrusive thoughts now it will just get harder for you. Of course it’s reasonable to have some precautions in place if your older one actually gets sick, but making a massive thing of this might make your daughter anxious too and that will be hard to break later.