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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to lose weight in exchange for a baby???

46 replies

Pheebe · 09/06/2008 18:50

Utterly floored by the offer DH has just made me.

OK here's the background:

I always wanted 3, he wanted to stop at 2 and I've been happy enough to agree with that.

I need to lose the baby weight and am not 'getting on with it' as fast as DH would like, OK, as fast as I would like either, I'm procrastinating and putting it off.

Tonight he said if I get to a size 14 he'll agree to us trying for another baby. I told him I thought that was a stupid way to bring another child into the world and he should either agree to have another child or not, he shouldn't put conditions on it. Am I being unreasonable or should I just take the offer, get on and lose the weight I planned to anyway and get meself up the duff again???

OP posts:
glaskham · 09/06/2008 18:53

i'd not argue at the moment.... if thats the deal then i'd bite his hand off!! i agreed in exchange for weekly BJ's!!! he's not got one yet though!! i wont remind him if you dont

NicMac · 09/06/2008 18:53

YANBU he is a moron for making such an unreasonable demand. Bringing another child into the world should not be determined this way.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 09/06/2008 18:53

He's being an arse.

If he would like another baby, he should want another baby with no strings attached. What has you losing weight got to do with wanting another baby?

Rosa · 09/06/2008 18:55

Agree YANBU but maybe it is his way of trying to help you to loose the weight...????

LittleMissTickles · 09/06/2008 18:56

Is it possible that he thinks he is helping you by providing you with excellent motivation that he knows you already want to do anyway?

LittleMissTickles · 09/06/2008 18:56

X posted Rosa!

NotABanana · 09/06/2008 18:57

I think he is bribing you and what will do you if you do lose the weight and he won't agree to another child?

NotABanana · 09/06/2008 18:58

glaskham - you are having another baby on the basis of blow jobs?

glaskham · 09/06/2008 19:00

haha... well a 3rd was always on the cards but i brought it earlier with that compromise.... i think DH was joking (seeing as he hasn't got one yet!!)... i was trying to be light hearted!!

electricbarbarella · 09/06/2008 19:04

A friend told me recently that her dh had only said they could try for another once she got back in shape and got her energy levels back, I personally do not see the point in putting all that effort into getting your figure back to lose it again and I think it is a very controlling thing for your dh to say.

kslatts · 09/06/2008 19:09

YANBU - I agree with electricbarbarella that it is a very controlling thing for your dh to say.

Original poster
Pheebe · 09/06/2008 19:13

I do think he is being a bit of an arse as I really think he doesn't want any more. I think it was said with the best of intentions - to give me an incentive to lose weight and part of me does want to bite his hand off and go for it... I just want him to WANT another child not feel he's doing me a favour

OP posts:
MargaretMountford · 09/06/2008 19:16

YANBU - ridiculous of him

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 09/06/2008 19:22

glaskham - lol!!!!!! My second one was in exchange for doing his accounts - his bookkeeper left and many years ago I was a chartered accountant... ( and which i also didn't do - he seems to have fogotten now...)
Seriously - so what? Life is too short for stiffly adhereing to our feninst priciples when you HAVE GOT AGREEMENT FOR A THIRD CHILD - i'd do lots of stuiff for that!!! Jut smile sweetly, 'agree' and keep seducing every night till u r pregggers. ( And come and tell us all!)

CarGirl · 09/06/2008 19:27

Hmmmm mine agreed to a 4th if Liverpool ever won the champions league and they did so we have a 4th! However the reality is that dh did it for me, he adores all our dc and is very hands on however he does not enjoy the hardwork they bring which I completely understand.

Partnership is about compromise perhaps your dh is saying I miss you the person I fell in love with/married I want her back for a bit to make sure she's still there and then I'll agree to having another dc????? Perhaps I'm the only person who knows women who but their husbands last behind the children constantly and feel like they are sperm donars & cash machines?

glaskham · 09/06/2008 19:29

thanks mrsguyofgisbourne.... another person who's being lighthearted abotu this!!

I gathered from OP that her husband hadn't said it in a nasty way!! Like she says its probably his way of being nice... and i'm sure he wouldn't have said that to hurt you in the end... if so just say you'll have to start eating crap again to get over the distress of it all!! haha!! If he is devious to you you can do tha same back!! and OP also said she was loosing weight slower than she wanted really... if nothing else she'll get lots of exercise, be healthier, hopefully keep the weight off during pregnacy to keep her new figure, and will be smiling!! and her DH will be happy too!!

I wish my DH had said that to me TBH as i could have done with getting back to a size 10/12 but i'll do that running round after 3 kids!!

Original poster
Pheebe · 09/06/2008 19:29

Cargirl you just made me cry. He has said a couple of times he misses 'us' sometimes.

OP posts:
glaskham · 09/06/2008 19:31

Cargirl.... do you know me??? haha!!

CarGirl · 09/06/2008 19:32

sorry I didn't want to make you cry!

He also made me clear out the loft too - ie me being ruthless over all the stuff I hoard and deal with my untidiness.

Perhaps he sees you as not taking care of yourself but in a not valuing yourself for who you are, you're not just a Mum (or a wife!), you're a woman who he finds very attractive!

glaskham · 09/06/2008 19:33

do you get time together just the 2 of you?... i was a slim size 8/10 when i met DH i am now a 14 after our 2dc... DH says he doesn't miss me being slim as since having dd we have made time for just us.

Original poster
Pheebe · 09/06/2008 19:33

He definitely didn't say it to be nasty or controlling and it would be easy for me to get high and mighty and tell him he was and that he should love me for who I am not what I look like blah blah blah. The reality is I want/need to lose weight for me and my health but that isn't really the issue. It was more should he be offering something as precious as another life when his heart isn't in it and would it even be right for me to take him up on it knowing that.

OP posts:
glaskham · 09/06/2008 19:37

if you want another dc then i'd take him up on the offer... my DH was happy with the 1dc then we fell pregnant with dd while on the pill, and he loves her every ounce as much and is now happily tryign for a 3rd with me!! it cant be all that bad having a precious little baby!!

Original poster
Pheebe · 09/06/2008 19:37

Yes we get time together just us, the boys are great sleepers so we've always had our evenings although I work alot. but the time we do have together is usually just flopping round the house, chatting, watching tv etc. We don't really go out, just us together. He's always been really honest in that he didn't want a 'fat' wife which I am now no getting round it. God that makes him sound awful but its not like he's not affectionate or we don't make love its just he'd prefer me to be thiner although he loves my huge post baby boobs

OP posts:
CarGirl · 09/06/2008 19:37

I think he is being pragmatic (most been are) there are the sleepless nights, cost, health issues blah blah blah but he knows you would love another child and that he will be okay about it if it happens and of course will eventually love & dote on it!

I think many men are like this about dc - it's programming!

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/06/2008 19:44

Whilst he is being very controlling trying to bargain with you over another baby...

Weight can affect one's ability to conceive. You don't say how big you are, but if he is suggesting that you 'get down' to a 14 then are you quite overweight? So at the risk of being flamed, you could lose weight and then get pg double quick if you are a healthier bmi.

Glaskam... didn't anyone tell you that you can't get pregnant from blow jobs?