..to lose weight in exchange for a baby???

[Pheebe]

Utterly floored by the offer DH has just made me.

OK here's the background:

I always wanted 3, he wanted to stop at 2 and I've been happy enough to agree with that.

I need to lose the baby weight and am not 'getting on with it' as fast as DH would like, OK, as fast as I would like either, I'm procrastinating and putting it off.

Tonight he said if I get to a size 14 he'll agree to us trying for another baby. I told him I thought that was a stupid way to bring another child into the world and he should either agree to have another child or not, he shouldn't put conditions on it. Am I being unreasonable or should I just take the offer, get on and lose the weight I planned to anyway and get meself up the duff again???

I think if we're all honest we wouldn't be too chuffed if our husbands put on three stone in two years (as I did). Of course we would still love them but we might want them to change back! I also think that men are a bit baffled by our constant moaning about our body size (I realise I'm only speaking for myself) but our lack of motivation to change it.

I clicked on this thread as it struck a chord - we have 2 Dc and I've always wanted a third. DH doesn't but I think he could be persuaded so I've set myself a secret mission - last year I lost over 2 stone but I want to lose 1 more. So if I get to 10 stone I will then approach DH seriously about wanting a child.

The way I see it is I'm not really that sure that I do want to go back to the baby stage again so I guess I'm testing my own commitment IYSWIM??

Sorry for the waffle but it sounds like your DH loves you but has made a typical man 'boob' with this offer!

what???.....you mean i've been doing it all wrong all this time???

actually the reason why dh agreed to another baby was because I was very honest and said I wasn't sure I could stay with him (we weren't married) if he couldn't understand how much having another child meant to me!

I'm not sure what I was thinking of at the time because I truly truly meant it , by the time Liverpool won I was already pregnant.

I am at the op's dh!

there's no point in trying to lose the weight now. It goes on again after the third and is even harder to shift. Tell him you do not feel complete and that of course you will be going back to your pre-baby state after the third, by which time it'll be too late. But make sure he agrees to have the snip after the 3rd if he doesn't want a 4th!!

If you're above a size 14 aready would you be happy getting pregnant again?? What if you didn't lose the next lot of baby weight?? If he has a real issue with your weight then being even bigger won't make him happy even if it is abit unreasonable of him. My husband is over 16 stone and I have to admit I do not find it attractive so why should men HAVE to find big women attractive?? Also there could be a chance that being over-weight already will affect your chances of conceiving although I know that you have to be at least 8 stone to try and conceive so if being underweight affects fertility then being overweight will as well. Perhaps just go for losing some weight, keep him happy and you healthy and avoid months of trying to get pregnant where your current weight might be working against you.

Can I just put another view point, maybe he was trying to help motivate you in his own slightly twisted way.

He may of decided that he's actually ok with having a third dc. Knowing that you want to lose weight he found a way of wrapping the two things up to give you a bit of a push.

Of course, he could just be being an arse - is he normally known for strange suggestions?

Remember, men rarely think about what they are saying as much as women do.

Perhaps he just wants you to be at a healthy weight before you start on another pregnancy. Sensible really.

I think that men are fucked however they try to motivate us to do that thing that we say we want to do.
we sit and moan about loosing weight, we don't do anything about it, they listen and listen and then one day they thing they know something that will make you smile.
He knows you want another baby and although he doesn't really he is happy to do this with you if it will help to motivate you to do what YOU have already told him you want.

It is up to you if you take him up on the offer but I think he is really trying to do a nice thing.

Interesting - I would love a 4th, but I also want to lose weight before conceiving, so this is one of my motivations. I sort of have that feeling that if I don't now, I never will. And dh would be the first to say that too (and he does!). I used to get really upset, but I think he has a point! From both a health point of view, and also just feeling like 'myself', not some blob.

Flippertyjibert - I am quite overweight - even the Wii says so (told Dh hewas ideal blardy machine!) and I do want to and am losing weight, for me

Squiffy - you could be me I love the idea of another child but the thought of being pregnant, giving birth and doing the scary tiny baby stage is not that appealing if I'm honest. I think I may follow your example and lose the weight and then see how I feel

After number two Dh was thin, and I was fat. We decided I would loose weight and we would have a third. I have lost the weight, he has gained it. For every pound I lost he gained it. After that we decided not to, I just didn't fancy him enough to have sex with him!

Pheebe - It's the giving birth bit that I really want to do again - DD was born at home and it was so special. I just wish I could then fast forward a year, I had PND and found it v.hard.

Life is so lovely and easy now they are 20months and nearly 4. Also, I have a girl and a boy so what would a new baby add???

There's just that little voice in my womb though....

I can't make my mind up on this one.
Either about OP's dh or about some of the responses.

Assuming your dh is basically a nice guy then I think he has decided he's happy enough to have a third child. His way of presenting it to you is just typical male communication failure. If he knows you'd like to lose weight (whatever his view on your weight is) then he thinks he's giving you an incentive to do so. He probably thinks he's told you he's happy to have the third child he knows you've wanted and genuinely doesn't understand what you're upset about now. I understand what you mean about how he should want the child for itself not as a "reward" for you, as probably so do most of us women, but I think you have to accept men aren't that complicated. Either they want (or are at least happy to have) a baby or not and he's told you he's happy. Bite his hand off, go on a half-hearted diet, get pregnant, go back to the biscuits/ice-cream/cheese.

Then wait and see what he offers you to lose the weight after this baby... a caribbean holiday... a porsche...?

lol stripy - where would I put the buggy in a porsche

squiffy, I have to admit I wouldn't mind the giving birth bit too much. had a horrid ventouse delivery with ds1 but did it myself with no pain relief with ds2, no pain either just these huge surges and he was out. wish I'd been less scared and more focused on what my body was doing. wouldn't mind doing that bit again...

oblomov - would love to hear what conclusion you come to

o and dh is definitely a good guy and a fabulous stay at home dad, no concerns there. his objections originally were more practical than emotional

I think he's being a bit of twit, but I'd take the offer while it's there. Besides, does he not realise that getting pregnant does not make you lose weight?? So, are you supposed to lose the weight before or after you get fat again?