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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My neighbour is a convicted paedophile

312 replies

Obviouslyneedtonamechange · 02/12/2025 11:56

I've just found out from another neighbour that the man two doors down, who we chat to regularly and are friendly with, has been convicted of horrific child pornography charges. Like, the worst. It's really thrown me, I have a two year old and a four year old and I want them to be able to play in their garden without worrying about him watching or worse.
We live on a really small street which the name of was reported in the local paper so I am also a bit worried about potential vigilante type actions. I am obviously hoping he moves away (his marriage has collapsed so I'm hoping he financially has to) but no sign of that yet. Incredibly he got a suspended sentence, what a joke. Am I unreasonable to feel like I want to move?! What do I do?

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 02/12/2025 23:55

AlastheDaffodils · 02/12/2025 12:16

This. Obviously you should tell your children to keep away from him. But it’s pointless to “want him gone.” He’s not in prison so he’s got to live somewhere.

Her children are 2 & 4, they shouldn't need to be told anything, they shouldn't be out alone.

@Obviouslyneedtonamechange there's much to be said for 'the devil you know' You know what he is & where he is, it's no worse than him moving & someone side moving in.

Friendlygingercat · 03/12/2025 00:45

Even paedophiles have to live somewhere. At least you know about this person and can take steps to avoid him. Worry more about those you do not know about.

OonaStubbs · 03/12/2025 02:45

Convicted paedophiles should not be living alongside normal people.

Elektra1 · 03/12/2025 06:13

thestudio · 02/12/2025 23:33

my point at that stage of the thread wass what the paedophile thinks is happening. Not what is actually happening.

I’m sure he’s well aware that people know of his crime, since it’s been reported in the papers and it’s unlikely that the neighbour telling the OP is an isolated communication of this news in the neighbourhood.

scalt · 03/12/2025 07:09

Not excusing his behaviour (before people start calling me an "paedophile apologist"), and maybe this thread is too emotive to discuss this, but this does raise the wider ethical question: what should we do with convicted felons in general, after prison? With lesser crimes, many ex-cons find it extremely difficult to find employment, because of their past, so what do they do? They reoffend, because crime pays the bills in the short term, and while in prison, they have been tutored by the professional criminals, some of whom see prison as "a temporary inconvenience". There is a reason why our reoffending rate is extremely high. Certainly child abuse is a crime which most people have a special hatred for, with good reason, and in prison, those convicted of it have to be kept separate from other prisoners, for their own safety.

Should we bring back the asylums where anyone with "mental health" issues is kept separate from everybody else, for the rest of their lives, as happened with people (not criminals) who are now accepted in mainstream society, such as autistic people, who were once treated with the same contempt as criminals? The irony is that in those times, the biggest perpetrators of child abuse were probably respected pillars of the community: doctors, priests, policemen, teachers, politicians, who got away with it because of who they were, and of course a certain notorious TV presenter. And many perpetrators probably still are "respected" people now, but they know that if they are rumbled, it is much easier for them to be ruined, and for their past to be known about, with DBS checks, and cancel culture. JS did his dirty work in plain sight: nowadays, child abusers have to be much more cunning and devious.

It's true that in extreme cases, those convicted of terrible crimes, especially against children, are given new identities after their release, which always brings on the right-wing screaming about the cost of doing this, and that we should just gas them instead, or transport them abroad (again, moving the problem somewhere else). The question is, where do we draw the line? Rehabilitating offenders is a calculated risk.

Terrytheweasel · 03/12/2025 07:20

Print the article off and post it through every letter box in the neighbourhood and when you see him say that you have been made aware of his conviction and ask if he intends to move. If the answer is no, say you’re disappointed to hear that and you will be watching him like a hawk, and hope he is receiving treatment for his dangerous sexual disorder. Then never speak to him again.

JustMe2026 · 03/12/2025 07:47

I worked in a sector that dealt with sex offenders and the majority never hit the news or court. We had statistics out in 2023 and the reckoning was in each street there will be up to 8 registered and unregistered offenders. Sadly it's so common you could probably never move to an area unless alone in the middle of a field where your weren't near one. Even more sadly it's men and women usually well known in a street as the friendly,helpful, neighbourly types. I left that sector because I couldn't deal with how there was barely any punishment for the vast majority

orangemapleleaves · 06/12/2025 15:18

Not sure if this has been said already but someone mentioned "accidentally downloading images of CSA." This is not - as far as I know - something that can happen accidentally. So anyone claiming it was all a big misunderstanding or a few wrong clicks or somehow they ended downloading is full of it - most people go through life never seeing these images. You need to be seeking them out and you need to want to see them. I'm sure they justify it to themselves as a harmless little secret but it's not - they are normalising and facilitating the abuse of helpless children

Bertiebiscuit · 05/02/2026 15:11

You are right though, i agree. I would tell him i know and that he must stay away from me and mine, and i would also tell anyone in the neighbourhood who would listen. I would personally want to make his life as difficult as i could within the law. These vile men get off so lightly, unacceptable.

Boomer55 · 05/02/2026 15:19

Keep your kids away from him, and stop engaging. That will stop any risk to your family.

Bromptotoo · 05/02/2026 15:24

Message deleted; thought this was a new thread.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 05/02/2026 15:28

JustMe2026 · 03/12/2025 07:47

I worked in a sector that dealt with sex offenders and the majority never hit the news or court. We had statistics out in 2023 and the reckoning was in each street there will be up to 8 registered and unregistered offenders. Sadly it's so common you could probably never move to an area unless alone in the middle of a field where your weren't near one. Even more sadly it's men and women usually well known in a street as the friendly,helpful, neighbourly types. I left that sector because I couldn't deal with how there was barely any punishment for the vast majority

Yes, our lovely, helpful neighbour was a convicted child abuser.

As was a very nice builder. Ironically, I'd always made sure my children (young teens) were never left alone in the house when the builders were in - I trusted the builders (obviously I was wrong), but didn't want to put them in an awkward position. At least it meant I didn't have to cross examine them after we read about his conviction and imprisonment.

It's better to know. Unpleasant, but better.

Edited for grammar

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