My neighbour is a convicted paedophile

[Obviouslyneedtonamechange]

I've just found out from another neighbour that the man two doors down, who we chat to regularly and are friendly with, has been convicted of horrific child pornography charges. Like, the worst. It's really thrown me, I have a two year old and a four year old and I want them to be able to play in their garden without worrying about him watching or worse.
We live on a really small street which the name of was reported in the local paper so I am also a bit worried about potential vigilante type actions. I am obviously hoping he moves away (his marriage has collapsed so I'm hoping he financially has to) but no sign of that yet. Incredibly he got a suspended sentence, what a joke. Am I unreasonable to feel like I want to move?! What do I do?

I agree - but in legal terms, we are where we are. And at the level of misogyny both internalised and active amonsgt the general population, this is the best way to ensure that there is no possibility of any 'but if they consented..' discourse, which is particularly likely after children reach puberty.

It's best not to muddle two issues. You can't fight child abuse while simulaltaneously debating pornography. One thing at a time, even though they come from the same seed, which is male violence.

I’m sorry to hear this it sounds really distressing.

my vote is on do nothing and have no contact.

a study 2 years ago showed that 1 in 6 men have interests in children under the age of 18. As a survivor of CSA myself, I absolutely do not wish to minimise the impacts on victims, which is life changing and awful. My only caution is that, adults who have inappropriate feelings towards children are far more common than we think, and you moving house isn’t going to necessarily reduce your risk, and even if he moves out, how do you know that others aren’t a risk and they haven’t been caught yet.

TLDR: feels like something hard to control, just make sure your kids are confident and trust talking to you / understand what behaviour is normal and acceptable from adults.

the study here: theconversation.com/a-survey-found-1-in-6-men-admit-sexual-feelings-for-children-so-is-paedophilia-increasing-218124

In this context I think you are wrong.

A coerced or stolen pornographic image of an adult women would not be classed as pornography - the criminal circumstances of its manufacture would outweigh the more general classification.

It really isn’t. Some adult pornography is classed as extreme and it’s illegal to make, possess, view or distribute it. And when watching adult porn you have no way of knowing whether participants are there of their own free will, or have been coerced. It perpetuates the cycle of abuse that those trafficked into this type of work suffer. So no. None of it is ‘legitimate’.

Sorry, but I disagree - it's a fact that much porn is legitimate, well established and often part of mainstream culture. You don't have to like it, but that's how it is. I think it's pretty risky to put companies like Bellessa, or Club or Fiesta magazine in the same category as depictions of the sexual abuse of children.

This kind of thing just pushes offenders into living much more transient lives, constantly moving from place to place, which makes them harder to keep track of. It doesn't help at all actually.

Well done.

Any creepy behavior contact the police. Don’t take matters into your own hands and end up in trouble.

Why are you so keen for him to carry on living a happy and undisturbed life? All you've done is say to leave him alone and stop making drama.
It's like you're supportive of his perversions. I'm absolutely telling all the adjacent families who might otherwise have normal friendly interactions with him. I'm not sitting on the news and removing their choice of whether they also want to build privacy screens to obscure his otherwise uninterrupted view of their young kids playing in their garden.

I agree with this. I wouldn’t be putting that scumbag’s right to privacy and a peaceful life above the right of those around him to know what he is. His crimes are unforgivable and he should be forced to deal with the fallout from it until the day he dies.

This post is a complete fiction on your part.

I have made no comment on him "living a happy and undisturbed life"

I don't recall saying "leave him alone" either - but please do correct me if I am wrong.

You become grossly offensive, not to mention ridiculous, when you say it's like I am "supportive of his perversions".

But carry on OP, you obviously enjoy creating your own narrative, which is evident really when you look at this thread.

OP this doesn’t match what @Lemonfrost or any other poster, has said at all! Who said they wanted him to have a happy life? Nobody. Who supports his perversions? Absolutely nobody. Not even close.

I have huge sympathy with your situation. I’d hate to be in your shoes and I would feel the same fear and panic as you. I would also feel extreme anger towards my neighbour and wish he would go. Your anger and revulsion are justified and completely understandable. But your feelings aren’t the best basis for deciding rationally how to react to your neighbour. That is what @Lemonfrost and others are telling you.

Thank you Sarover. Your post perfectly illustrates why good and rational decision making should remain separate from emotion.

Why don’t you leave the thread. Your comments are of no value.
Anyone with a child will rightly feel horrified having this monster live next door.

Why don't YOU leave? What exactly are you bringing to the table?

Totally agree that any parent would be horrified at having that man as their neighbour. No doubt about that. Horrified, upset and very angry. Those feelings are totally justified and nobody on this thread has said that OP shouldn’t feel horrified. But OP is asking what ACTION she should take and lots of people are pointing out that this man, monster as he is, is not an actual threat to the OP since he has been convicted. OP knows she has to keep her children well away from him and she will be able to do that.

@thestudio The local community already know: the OP said it was a neighbour who told her.

I think it means that if she moves she will have no idea about her neighbours and there could be more or worse. Whereas here, she knows and can keep distance etc. She can stay away, don’t talk to him, tell her kids to stay away. In a new place she can’t do that because you don’t know.

I get the panic and awful feelings. But I also agree that uprooting the kids won’t help and that he’ll likely move on soon or be attacked.

I think I disagree. You can fight the making of sexual images of children under the banner of fighting pornography generally.

I actually think the current acceptance of pornography makes fighting CSA harder. Images and videos of underage girls are in free circulation because you can't tell they're underage (not for sure anyway) just by looking at them. Even where the women are actually adults, the material is often promoted in child abuse adjacent ways ("barely legal", "schoolgirl", stepdaughter") which presumably only encourages illegal behaviour. More restrictions on pornography would keep children safe.

You sound very very - dangerously naive. I work with these devious bastards. Op won’t even be able to use a paddling pool in the summer, nor can she be sure he isn’t filming or watching their movements. She needs cameras herself, a ring doorbell, a conversation with the police. You are grossly minimising the risk. Sadly I have witnessed the lengths they will go to.

You can fight the making of sexual images of children under the banner of fighting pornography generally.

No - you need to meet people where they are with activism. Many/most think porn is 'a fact of life' - they don't think that about images of CSA or about CSA more generally. You're literally inviting them to feel less certain about something they currnetly believe is a non-negotiable moral value.

I actually think the current acceptance of pornography makes fighting CSA harder`
This is true in terms of 'barely legal'. But changing social acceptance of pornography requires a decades long cultural shift - changing acceptance of 'barely legal' could be a lot quicker if the state/tech was forced to get behind that.

This is a perfect example of 'perfection is the enemy of good' as it relates to social change imv.

It’s very uncomfortable knowing that someone you have been friendly with is sexually attracted to children and has watched children being sexually abused. It’s a form of taking part in the abuse and should always carry a sentence shocking that it doesn’t

you know now, you know not to be in anyway friendly with him and to keep your children away from him word has got around and he shall be others people problem soon

I work with these people too. I am not entirely sure you are suited to doing so, given some of your comments on here.

my point at that stage of the thread wass what the paedophile thinks is happening. Not what is actually happening.

I don’t think I would be able to sleep at night knowing he was in the building. There are bound to be adult survivors of CSA living in that block who will be re-traumatised by the knowledge of what he did.