To have absolutely no idea who I am

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I’m flipping 47. Just started CBT for what I thought were some quite isolated / specific issues, and it’s opened an enormous can of worms.

I seem to spend my whole life latching on to different hobbies and interests, or whatever, because I don’t have any real core sense of identity.

Does that resonate with anyone? Is it just a midlife crisis!

I’m an single parent with two brilliant children, what looks to everyone like and successful full-time job, lots of very lovely friends and family (although I do fall out with my parents surprisingly often).

But I have no idea who I am or what I genuinely like. I can never answer those ice-breaker questions like “tell me an interesting fact about yourself”.

YANBU - yes I have felt like that or can understand why someone would

YABU - you’re being an insufferable dickhead

That’s so interesting, and also probably why it was a bit doomed!

Yes always!

Yes always!

Yes always!

Yes always!

Yes always!

OP, do you have a critical inner voice?
It's possible that you suffered dissociation as a result of childhood trauma.
This might be helpful
https://eggshelltherapy.com/a-split-in-our-personality/

I empathise. Can’t fully relate to your specific post as I think of myself as someone with a strong sense of self - but I started therapy a year ago for what I thought was quite a specific work issue and, long story short, i’m still in therapy now as it’s uncovered a huge amount that I probably knew deep down was an issue but that I’ve just been ignoring for a long time.

I’m in perimenopause too and it’s left me questioning how much of my identity has been a result of trying to appease others expectations (especially my parents). Sometimes I feel quite unsure about what the second half of my life should look like.

Sorry about the multiple posts!

@LostittoBostik i also had therapy and then counselling last year after some horrific surgeries which I couldn't get my head around.

Therapist said 'what about your family?'. I replied 'oh, completely normal. Parents, brother. Lovely childhood'.

Three weeks later and I was in bits in the therapy session 😬

On the plus side it really helped me so much. I learnt what boundaries are, how they can help me, and they do very much. I learnt about the way I react with DH and that's really helped me learn how to communicate with him.

Hopefully you will have a similar positive outcome.

Hello OP
I feel exactly the same as you but I have just turned 48
currently dealing with adhd burnout and crisis of self esteem and confidence
I never seem to know what the in things are and equally went shopping last week and was reminded of the Caitlin Moran quote “When a woman says, ‘I have nothing to wear!’, what she really means is, ‘There’s nothing in my wardrobe for who I’m supposed to be today.”

It’s amazing how therapy can open these things up!

This lack of sense of identity/ low self esteem didn’t really come out as such in the talking therapy I had before. That was very useful but it didn’t open up these same issues.

And I thought I’d just gone to CBT because of one very specific anxiety!

That’s an incredibly brilliant quote!