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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel harassed by the school over attendance ?

29 replies

Lollybollylolly · 01/12/2025 22:06

In the past week, I've had numerous phone calls, text messages, an attempted home visit, emails, a meeting about my daughter's attendance. My DD. Had had 8 days off, mainly with a stomach bug, cold, severe period pain. The don't seem to take this seriously , even though I've got evidence of dorciys appointments.

The icing on the cake is an email today telling me as she has been late 8 times, I e going to get text messages at 7.30sm telling.e to wake her up. And if that doesn't work I'll get phone calls at 7.45am . It's harassmentt!!

I get my kids up early and dressed etc and head off to work by 9. My daughter has some slight school refusal so it's not a kit not getting up, it's far more complex .

Why are they treating me like a child or some mum that sleeps in, only gets up for the morning show and doesn't care when her kids get up. It's ridiculous. It's offensive. I work with children in a professional job so don't take kindly to all this treating me like I'm the problem.

I want to complain. Where can I complain to,m the level of harassment is affecting my mental health

OP posts:
Upthenorth · 01/12/2025 22:08

It sounds quite extreme for a few absences.

How old is your DD? Might there be a possibility she’s missing more school than you realise?

I only ask as someone who did not always make it to school when I should have been there….

Overthebow · 01/12/2025 22:09

Is it 8 days off sick and 8 days late since the start of the school year in September? Or 8 days total including the lates?

ScaryM0nster · 01/12/2025 22:09

What do you propose that they should be doing to try and improve attendance?

AmberLime · 01/12/2025 22:11

Can you improve her attendance and punctuality without schools input?

Luxio · 01/12/2025 22:13

So your daughter has been off 8 times and late on 8 other occasions? Of course they are going to want to address her poor attendance with you especially if you don't seem willing to engage in getting her into school.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 01/12/2025 22:14

What year is she in and what is average attendance?

It does sound full on from school. Are you keeping school updated? You need to meet with school and see if there is an issue you aren’t aware of.

You can only do what you can do.

BeFairOliveBear · 01/12/2025 22:16

That sounds awful OP, school refusal is so difficult. I think it can be hard for parents whose children are rarely ill and go to school without much of a fuss to understand.

SillyCecilia · 01/12/2025 22:16

Ignore them. I am not sure they can do anything. My DS had low level of attendance. He hated school and it made him anxious. School was not supportive of him and I also felt like we were being harassed. He graduated with a first degree from a top university this summer.

vincettenoir · 01/12/2025 22:18

I wouldn’t complain. I would explain what you have included in your post about the lates not being linked to late sleeping. I appreciate that what they are suggesting isn’t that useful in your circumstances but I think you are better off engaging with them.

Thingsthatgo · 01/12/2025 22:19

8 days absent and 8 days late since September? That’s over 3 weeks of school either away or late in one term. No wonder they are on your case!

Bungle2168 · 01/12/2025 22:19

How do you intend to remedy your daughter’s poor attendance?

mindutopia · 01/12/2025 22:21

We got an attendance letter from school the other week saying the attendance officer will be ringing us for a chat about DD’s attendance.

She’s missed 3 days since the start of the year. 😂

Two half days when the school sent her home and then 1 full day each after the day she was sent home. She had COVID the first time and I sent her in as soon as the fever was gone as per school guidance. The 2nd time was a tummy bug (nausea and cramps but no D&V so didn’t wait the full 48 hours). So basically 2 days, plus an early collection. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Lollybollylolly · 01/12/2025 22:23

I'm.doimh all I can to support, encourage, get medical help like prescription for period pain. She has school.refusal sometimes and it's extremely complex. I'm doing all I can. It's just as simple sometimes as saying darling you need to go to school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lollybollylolly · 01/12/2025 22:25

Probably 8 days off and 8 latest. I can't remember. I have a brain condition and memory issues so hard to keep track.

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 01/12/2025 22:27

Lollybollylolly · 01/12/2025 22:23

I'm.doimh all I can to support, encourage, get medical help like prescription for period pain. She has school.refusal sometimes and it's extremely complex. I'm doing all I can. It's just as simple sometimes as saying darling you need to go to school.

I think that’s what you need to say. If they can offer genuine support with that, then great. If not, then you’ve done what you can to work with them and communicate your daughter’s needs.

Sweetnessandbite · 01/12/2025 22:33

Sometimes, with a child with school refusal a bit of positivity that she made it to school, although late, wouldn't go a miss. It becomes a negative cycle otherwise. Mainstream schools fail in this often.

I agree in trying to find out why she had the refusal but not with hounding you. They don't understand the stress you are already under in trying to get her there.

It's a story I hear far too regularly.

Good luck op, I hope school tone down the hounding and start supporting you both.

Lostthefairytale · 01/12/2025 22:36

I work with children with school based anxiety and I have one myself. The government, and therefore education policy, seems think there is only one reason for low attendance which is kids who don't like school and their parents who can't be bothered to get them there. The reality is very different, which anyone who has actually dealt with the problem first hand knows.

My advice would be to request meeting and make sure they know exactly what is going on. Explain the lateness and whenever she is late email to explain why. There will be multiple families in the same situation and they need to know that you are doing what you can.

usedtobeaylis · 01/12/2025 22:38

Yes that is overkill. Even without the texting and phoning before 8am in the morning. Absolute overreach and overkill.

Original poster
Lollybollylolly · 01/12/2025 22:38

Sweetness thank you. I know! It's just too much. I'm.sirty to hear it happens all too often. I agree positivity for getting in os what is needed. I did get that email this morning from the attendance officer then this from the deputy head infatalising me with text messages! Jokers!
I told them this is affecting my mental health and I'm already under a huge amount of stress and I have a disability. I told them to back off!!!!

OP posts:
HollyIvie · 01/12/2025 22:38

I think you should work with the school to get your child to school. that is a lot of time off and lates. The more she misses the more difficult it is to keep up which turns into a vicious cycle.

usedtobeaylis · 01/12/2025 22:40

HollyIvie · 01/12/2025 22:38

I think you should work with the school to get your child to school. that is a lot of time off and lates. The more she misses the more difficult it is to keep up which turns into a vicious cycle.

It sounds more like it should be the other way around and that the school should work with the OP constructively instead of hounding her.

Original poster
Lollybollylolly · 01/12/2025 22:45

Thanks lostthefairytale I'm.sorty to hear you are going through similar. My DD has some sort of anxiety about it and as much as I plead, you can't drag a child to school. I'm seeking a GP opinion this week around the anxiety. I asked up speak with the head but he robbed me off as I had a meeting with the attendance officer and this silly maths teacher, neither of whom.habe any idea about mental health and couldn't seem to put me in touch with anyone that did.

They are barking up the wrong tree and I wrote a n email stating that they were making huge presumptions about us as parents . I said no thank you to a text message and phone call, I told them I don't need or have time for this as I'm busy getting my children up at 7am and out the door and me to work with mentally unwell children in my job. Why do they think they can treat us all like children??? They put all patents on the same boat. Tha is what frustrates me

OP posts:
Original poster
Lollybollylolly · 01/12/2025 22:46

Usedto - complete overkill. Soon they will be moving in!! It is utter madness!!!

OP posts:
Sprookjesbos · 01/12/2025 22:46

Sorry to hear this. I work in a school and haven't heard of this happening and we have some kids who are persistently late and several who are persistent absentees with attendance less than 60%.

8 days off is a lot, but sometimes shit happens.

The lates, I really feel for you. My son has extreme school based anxiety and we are late every Monday, sometimes by half an hour. It gradually gets better through the week. He's up at 530/6am every day and he's usually ready half an hour before we need to leave. He will usually have a last minute panic on leaving or he will lose it on the way to school. He's had to be coaxed out of my car by the head before!

The point is, school based anxiety is complex and isn't as simple as getting up earlier. It needs a real understanding. My son is autistic and a lot of it comes down to that but school have worked really hard to improve things with soft starts, free time with a chosen friend he can only access in the first half hour of the day etc. It doesn't always work because sometimes the anxiety overrides everything. You need support if this is the case, not micromanaging. God knows how many lates I'm on this year. We've never had a letter from school. Look up EBSA.

londongirl12 · 01/12/2025 22:46

What was her attendance like last school year? Maybe they’re seeing it increasing again and they’re trying to stop it early.