Toddler DS bullied at music group

[Doglover84]

Joined a toddler music group in our village a few months ago and DS ages 2 absolutely loves it. He can be quite subdued sometimes but at this group really comes out his shell and joins in with dancing etc.

Only problem is, another girl around age 3 has taken a real dislike to him and pushes/shoves him any chance she gets. The mum sometimes half heartedly tells her off but she also has a baby so her attention is split between the two of them.

I don't want to stop going as DS loves it so much but it's really bothering me that he keeps getting pushed and shoved and last week she even pressed her thumb into his eye!

I haven't said anything to the mum as she doesn't come across as particularly approachable and I dont want to make things awkward as its a small group and a small village.

What would you do??

I wouldn't call it bullying but its not nice and you need to protect your son
First thing is to stop her coming anywhere near him, you can't really touch another child but I am sure you could put up a hand to block her or pick him up if thats not an option
You may upset the Mum but protecting your child is more important

Id take her back to her mum the next time it happens and ask her (not rudely or aggressively) if she could please stop her daughter from pushing my son. I dont know how else you could resolve it.

You child is still very little.
Shadow him, be prepared to use your body to block and parry attempts to shove or poke him. Don't sit and watch, you need to be literally on hand with your forearm ready to block.

She's only 3, yes i know it isn't nice, but i think you can step in and say do you want to sit next to (Ds) you don't have to push him or something like that,

She’s not bullying. Unfortunately 2 and 3 year olds have impulses. They make bad decisions. It’s up to adults to prevent or predict these things and take them to play over the other side of the room.
I would cut the mum and the girl some slack and step in to protect your son. The more children you have the more you will see this behaviour (not necessarily to your kids or by your kids just at any kid spaces)

And i agree with pp you need to follow your son about

This is not bullying! come on OP.

You're talking about a three year old girl, who has no idea what a bully is or how to bully.

How did she get so close to him to be touching his face, before you stepped in?

Just use your voice, no we don't do that! No, thats not nice!

I agree with the PP who said you can't really call it bullying at this age, but the girl definitely needs to be kept away from your DS if her mum isn't going to correct her behaviour. Every time she approaches, physically block her access and take her back to her mum. Ask in a calm manner if she could please keep her DD from pushing your DS.

So you’re just letting it happen? Protect your son, get between them, speak to the mum!

Yep shadow your kid and block/tell the girl to be nice. You don’t need to make a scene be loud enough for the mum to hear, sounds like she won’t even notice. Just tell her ‘don’t do that’, ‘that’s mean’ etc. Chances are she will get the message and leave your child alone. I’ve had to tell a couple of kids that their behaviour is mean before. They’re usually embarrassed! 🤷‍♀️

It’s not bullying, it’s a toddler who isn’t being taught appropriate behaviour and boundaries. You will have to speak to the mum.

Talk to the organiser - if they are witnessing it they can have a word with the mum or even address it generally reminding parents they are responsible for their child at all times.

Teach DS to push/hit/gouge her back. Problem will be solved in 5 seconds. He needs to learn that he doesn't need to accept this treatment and so that it doesn't become a recurring theme throughout his school life.

It's not bullying, just talk to the parent.

Not bullying.

helicopter parent your child and get in between him and her anytime she gets close.

Just say stop loudly and clearly each time you see it happening. And get in between them if needed.

It’s not bullying. Both of you should be fully supervising your children so that means you step in and are preventing her from doing anything.

I would just say as loud as possible 'can you not do that please' or similar till the mum notices and hopefully chastises her own child or just move your child when this kid comes over. Its a pain in the ass when others cant watch or parent their own kids.

It’s not bullying but you need to be more proactive, no way would a kid be repeatedly upsetting mine on my watch.

You need to block her when she approaches, get physically in between them, say ‘oh not Thankyou Tabitha’ and turn your back on her. She will get the message and your son will feel protected.

If the mum says anything then it will open the conversation of her lax parenting, personally I’d go with ‘Tabitha seems to be struggling with kind hand with Henry so I think it’s best we keep them apart’, job done.

tell the mother that she needs to stop this happening and speak to her DD every time. Call her attention to it.

First time she doesn't? Tell the girl firmly "that wasn't nice, go back to your mum until you can behave"

All this utter tripe about not speaking to other people's children in circumstances like this is helping to break our society

I get what everyone is saying, it's just difficult to block them without it looking quite strange as we all sit round in a circle and the kids all dance, play instruments in the middle so adults dont really go in that space. But if he gets anywhere near her she will hit him with whatever prop they've been given and if no prob she'll push him.

I suppose I'll just have to go in the middle with them if I see them getting near one another but it is a small group.

DS seems quite oblivious to her behaviour towards him and is too little to be told to hit back but sometimes I wish he would!

it doesn't matter if it looks strange. Put a stop to it. Or put up with it.

I stopped taking my DC to a group when a mum there let her toddler crawl over to my then baby DS and yank his hair so hard he fell backwards. He was about 6 months old at the time, just sitting. I wouldn’t have cared if she was actually apologetic, as I would have been because it would have totally mortified me. She just moved him away and didn’t even say sorry!

I went back again once thinking maybe it was a one off but that time her son targeted my DS again, this time really roughly snatching a toy from him which made him cry. Once again, she said nothing.

Fuck that, I found a different similar group. I’m sure you’ll have a similar one in the area without the mean toddler.

It doesn’t matter if it looks odd and getting him to hit back is not the right response, so even when he is old enough to understand that please don’t ask him to do so.

You need to learn to intervene. This is just the start. You just say no that's not kind, gentle hands. Please can you keep an eye on your child. My kids have been the older kids and the younger ones. So looking at it from both sides.