Toddler DS bullied at music group

[Doglover84]

Joined a toddler music group in our village a few months ago and DS ages 2 absolutely loves it. He can be quite subdued sometimes but at this group really comes out his shell and joins in with dancing etc.

Only problem is, another girl around age 3 has taken a real dislike to him and pushes/shoves him any chance she gets. The mum sometimes half heartedly tells her off but she also has a baby so her attention is split between the two of them.

I don't want to stop going as DS loves it so much but it's really bothering me that he keeps getting pushed and shoved and last week she even pressed her thumb into his eye!

I haven't said anything to the mum as she doesn't come across as particularly approachable and I dont want to make things awkward as its a small group and a small village.

What would you do??

I think its the fact that if my son did that to another kid I would be mortified and would have apologised to the mum and made sure it didnt happen again. But she just half heartedly tells her off and doesn't even acknowledge that I'm there!

I really dont want to stop going, DS loves it and I've made friends with other mums and we go for coffee after which is so nice!

You can teach him to shout “stop” really loudly.

in a similar situation this is what I did. It worked mostly by embarrassing the mum into doing something.

It’s not bullying but you can get your son to dance and play nearer to you and step in if the little girl comes near. Say “do you want to play with Tommy? Look we can dance together” and redirect her or say “oh wow, Tommy would love to see you play your maraca as you’re a big girl- can you show him?” Or if she is doing something mean you can say “let’s be kind and gentle, Tommy is only little and he would like to play with you, but doesn’t want to get pushed”. She is only a little girl and one day it will be your precious wee boy being seen as “a bully” guaranteed.

She’s 3, she’s not bullying him. But I agree with others who say you’re going to have to be on it. Soon as she comes near your son tell her firmly with a smile to go back to her mummy. If she doesn’t listen. Move your son away. If she makes contact (shoving, hitting) tell her to stop and take her back to her mum. Every single time. It’s hard for her mum to split herself between the toddler and the baby but this is definitely a her problem to deal with.

ETA I say the above as a mum of 3 who’s had a hitter before. He wasn’t a bully he was just really little and still learning. He did learn btw, fast. Because I was on his case.

Also just to point out i haven't just been ignoring it, I have said to her stop it we don't do that etc but it doesn't make any difference she just does it again!

Try raising your voice a bit. If her parent isn't going to step in then you need to do it. Just keep repeating and get slightly louder each time. Eventually she will realise she isn't going to get away with pushing your child and will stop or move onto someone else.

Sit as far away as you can from her. Try and encourage ds to stay near you with his instrument not in her area. Be ready to intervene eg if you see ‘Katie’ coming over try and block eg if you sit with your leg out it creates a little zone for ds or call ds over - oh can I see your trumpet.
If she does push or hit him, very clearly and loudly intervene. It should embarrass mum into actually doing something.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying to mum ‘Katie’ seems to have a thing for ds and he’s getting upset. I’ll keep an eye and try to keep them apart for a little bit while it blows over.

Get in her way. Shout to the mum that she needs to come and control her violent daughter.

Sit next to the group leader so it becomes obvious to them that you keep having to stand up to stop your son being hurt. Maybe she will then also mention kind hands or do something to help the toddlers develop sharing skills.

Yeah this is not my style AT all but I'd be secretly impressed if someone did that 🤣

I'm thinking I might go early this week and have a word with the group leader about it before anyone gets there.

Is the leader doing any crowd control or just singing and shaking a tambourine? I would expect them to notice stuff like this if it’s every session. Me, I’d shout Sorry! Can you stop your child/that child pushing mine over? He’s getting a bit upset.

Is it hartbeeps? This was a nightmare group for me because of the expectation that adults dont supervise once theyre in the middle.

Speak to the group leader.

First kid? You have to learn quickly to advocate for him

Yes! It wouldn't be a problem at all if it wasn't for this one girl as all the other kids get on great!

Yeah I feel you. It's my favourite group for activities but my least favourite for the behaviour of other kids! That said I don't mind loudly saying NO THANK YOU when other children are being little sods and usually the awesome class leader then intervenes.

So we went back this morning and I was ready all guns blazing and she didn't hit him once!

Maybe she's trying to get on the nice list this month 🤣

There are some very tolerant mums on here.

I find the phrase directed at her mum 'Are you going to deal with this or shall I?' works wonders.

I would tell him to shove her back. Or tell her to stop.