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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about university fees?

147 replies

ChoresChoresChores · 01/12/2025 08:09

I had a ‘discussion’ with my partner last night about my worries about money. One of which is the upcoming potential cost of university. My DS is nearly 17 so uni costs are very much on the horizon. For his best chance at a career he will need to be in a city in order to make connections and get potential work experience. I also have another 2 child both of whom are going to want to go to University.

Because of their ages there will be 2 years where I have 2 children at Uni.

I’m trying to cut costs, save as much as I can but I’ve been told I’m unreasonable because their loans will cover what they need. I know from calculators that this is simply not true and that they also only qualify for minimum help because of my earnings (not higher rate tax but top end).

So realistically if you have kids heading towards uni, how much are you expecting to have to subside them? Am I crazy for actually worrying? I full expect them to get jobs in fact the 2 oldest are both currently working.

OP posts:
Passthecake30 · 01/12/2025 09:28

I’m fully expecting to pay £500 ish a month for ours. Dd is definitely going, and ds may do too, and we’ll have 2 years overlap. Our mortgage payments of £500 a month finish just in time luckily, and I’m hoping to spend less on food while they aren’t here. Also they may not get to go on a family holiday.

Sartre · 01/12/2025 09:30

I’m a lecturer. Lots of students don’t have family support whatsoever, their families are unable to help. They work PT, some closer to FT to make ends meet. Many students have also chosen to live at home so commute in. There are ways without parents forking out, it’s actually fairly common.

frizzynfrazzled · 01/12/2025 09:31

I’d ensure you look into costs before your young person decides where they want to go. There is no point them setting their heart on UCL/Bristol etc if the costs are not sustainable.

We had that conversation with DC1 when they first started investigating options and said I’m sorry but we just can’t afford it, so unless you want to take a few years out, work f/t and save, then there is no point applying to unis where accommodation costs are £260pw+.

Lilak · 01/12/2025 09:33

If you live with your partner, and he’s not the dad of your children, his income will still be used to calculate the loans. If he’s not willing to contribute to the shortfall, you may need to step up more than you think.

Seeline · 01/12/2025 09:34

@ChoresChoresChores I assume you live in England? If not, the other home nations operate different systems for student finance, so do check.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 01/12/2025 09:35

@ChoresChoresChores
sorry if i missed it: Why does he need to be in a city?

EleanorReally · 01/12/2025 09:36

is uni the only option?
alternatively suggest one or both live at home
one defers uni for a year, second dc

Dullday · 01/12/2025 09:37

Lilak · 01/12/2025 09:33

If you live with your partner, and he’s not the dad of your children, his income will still be used to calculate the loans. If he’s not willing to contribute to the shortfall, you may need to step up more than you think.

I was just coming here to mention partner's income, as people in England are often blindsided by the fact that their income is included as household income.
But also Scotland and Wales have different rules.

Seeline · 01/12/2025 09:38

I would look for unis in cheaper locations.

Lots of unis offer cheaper accommodation options for the first year, but there is often no guarantee that you will be allocated a place in a cheaper hall. Usually you give a list of preferences, and hopefully get given one of those, but lots of people will be wanting the cheaper places.

However, you do get more choice for private rentals in Y2+ so have a look at average prices (Rightmove show student house shares if you filter correctly) just to get an idea if cheaper cities.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 01/12/2025 09:39

I give dd £600 per calendar month, so £7200 per year. This, with the minimum maintenance loan, is just about enough to cover her essential living costs. She has a PT job to pay for the nice to haves, but as a medical student, her spare time is limited - thankfully the work that she does is well paid and very flexible hours, so she doesn't have to do too much of it. She usually works more during holiday periods etc and has savings from her gap year.

TheGrimSmile · 01/12/2025 09:40

We earn about 60 grand a year household income. Our dd gets 5 grand loan. We have to pay her rent/ bills and we expect her to love off the loan - so she has about 100 pounds a week to cover everything else. Accommodation costs with bills are about 6500 ( Sheffield) a year. I think things quite standard for the North, not sure aboutbthe rest of the UK obviously London is higher. So effectively it is costing us 6,500 a year. We can just about afford it but nice don't know how people who earn less can do it. They have created a system where only the wealthy can afford to go to uni because many working families cannot afford this.

TheGrimSmile · 01/12/2025 09:41

The 5000 is the minimum maintenance loan.

Pleasealexa · 01/12/2025 09:43

You say partner, is he the Dc's dad? It might influence his thoughts on contributing.

Accommodation costs are very Uni dependant. Many dc cannot afford to go to London Unis, simply because of the costs. Its just life and plenty of great Unis outside London.

Some dc choose a local uni and travel so that there are no accommodation costs.
Some dcs have a year out or work every summer to contribute.

Don't rely on being able to work whilst at Uni, the NI increase has dramatically decreased opportunities for students and if they are on a STEM course the hours available to work are often reduced.

Broadly Uni is now an expensive path, it's not far off 20-25k p.a if living away from home, of which £15k is typically available via loans.

Start looking at possible Uni options investigate accommodation costs via the websites and set your partner and dc's expectation.

TheGrimSmile · 01/12/2025 09:46

Another option is your child takes a gap year and works full time (if they can find a job) and saves hard for a year. Although jobs are hard to come by at the moment!

Aixellency · 01/12/2025 09:50

@ChoresChoresChores is the real issue that your partner isn’t your child’s / children’s parent and very much does not want to be caught up in contributing to their university maintenance costs?

If that’s the case, and they live with you, now might be a good time to start considering separate households.

Or are they the parent of your younger children and potentially resentful of any large sums money you’ll be spending on the oldest soon?

EleanorReally · 01/12/2025 09:50

can you earn more?

TheGrimSmile · 01/12/2025 09:50

London unis are more expensive and for this reason they tend to attract a lot of people who already live in London and can commute from home. Or a lot of international students. For this reason, I don't think the "uni experience" is quite the same as going elsewhere. Your ds could go to a big city that's not as expensive as London.

JasmineTea11 · 01/12/2025 09:53

My DS is at uni in London. He works and earns about £400 p/m. I probably top him up about 4k p/a towards his living costs. His rent is £800 p/m. He has a decent quality of life, gym membership, can afford to go out a bit, eat OK, but he's learnt to be careful and keep an eye on his bills / outgoings. I always try to keep a months rent to one side in case he needs it.
I think learning to manage finances like this can be a positive aspect of uni. In 1st year he was too relaxed/ excited to be away etc, and racked up too much debt, but he did learn from that and has got a lot better.
I think your job as a parent at this point is to be a safety net, guide and encourage DC to be open and honest about things, so you have an idea what's really going on (I didn't in year 1!)
This is important, not least because you will be legally liable for their rent.

Didimum · 01/12/2025 09:53

I have twins so it will be double whack. I'll be telling them that if they want to go to uni they have to 1) work alongside 2) use their ISA savings and 3) go to an inexpensive uni.

It's my prediction that uni will phase out over the next decade or so unless things change – it's untenable.

JasmineTea11 · 01/12/2025 09:54

Sorry should add, DC gets nearly full amount of maintenance loan.

itsthetea · 01/12/2025 09:56

Many children have no extra cash from family but get part time work - there are some courses for which this is very hard / for example demanding amounts of lab time - so check that out first - they may need to save before hand

you are right the loans barely cover rent in most cases

but the kids seem to manage so …

TwilightAb · 01/12/2025 09:59

When I went to Uni I pretty much had to finance it myself, apart from getting £20 a week off my Mum. I had to use my student loan and worked fir most if it as well. Before I went I saved up money myself by working.

berlinbaby2025 · 01/12/2025 10:01

Research as much as you can the cost of living in locations all over figuring in student satisfaction rates and graduate prospects. Also travel costs between your home and the universities. It may be worth taking a free trial for a Times subscription to help you. They did an article two years ago called ‘The Price of uni life’ crunching the numbers for rent, travel cost etc at all universities, which may still be relevant.

Glennponder · 01/12/2025 10:03

Options:
Local uni
Take a year or two out to earn money
Work whilst at uni (not always possible or sensible)

The minimum maintenance loan outside of London is £3.5k

Your partner seems both ill informed and unbothered about your dc

redskydelight · 01/12/2025 10:07

Accommodation costs are the killer. DD's rent alone next year will be about £10K, she only gets the minimum loan which is about £5K and despite applying for loads of jobs she hasn't been able to find one (too many students, not enough jobs). She does work during summer holidays.

There is no way she could survive (or she would literally be surviving) without parental top up, and certainly top up beyond the required parental contribution (which would just about cover the rent).

We were in the position that we knew we could financially support her so didn't mind the fact she was going to a more "expensive" university. If this wasn't the case, I would be encouraging taking a year out to work and save, or looking very hard at accommodation costs when choosing a university.