is it unfair to expect bf to help me more when his arm is in a cast

[quietcupboard]

hi everyone this is my first post so please be kind . i’ve lurked for ages but never posted because there’s always something kicking off here and i didn’t want people jumping on me . anyway i’m sat here feeding the baby and i just need to get this out before i lose it

my bf broke his arm on friday . i won’t get into the whole story because i still feel a bit annoyed about it and i don’t have much sympathy if i’m honest . he’s got a big cast on and keeps going on about how sore it is . fair enough but he can still use his other hand perfectly fine . what’s driving me mad is he keeps saying he can’t help with anything because of the cast yet he’s been sat gaming for hours with his headset on like nothing’s wrong . if he can press buttons and shout at people online he can hold a bottle or pass me wipes surely

i’ve been doing every feed every change every bit of house stuff since friday . the baby hardly slept last night and i’m totally done but bf had a two hour nap earlier because apparently the pain made him exhausted . i’m trying not to start a row but i’m getting so resentful . i asked him to just sit with the baby so i could wash up and he sighed like i’d asked him to climb a mountain

i don’t know if i’m being unfair because he is injured but i feel invisible . i don’t have anyone nearby to help so it’s basically just me doing everything while he chats to his mates online

am i being unreasonable to expect him to at least try to help a bit even with the cast on

I think you are being unfair.

I realise you are not married, but what does 'in sickness and in health' mean to you?

He should be doing as much as he can

What would he do if he lived alone? I've just had a hip replacement and I live alone. I've had to do everything for myself with no help on crutches.

Not unreasonable

I think he should be able "to sit with the baby" so you are able to do other things!...he can't sit with a baby because he has his arm in a cast??? YANBU

It's Sunday. He broke his arm Fri. Two days.

He's got a broken arm!

Broken arms can be extremely painful. When he moves, he's feeling it. If he's on pain meds, he shouldn't be watching the baby. Pressing buttons is different from passing items where you move your body more and jolt the arm. Even casted.

And you're annoyed? Why? Because he's injured and isn't doing stuff for you?

I read the topic like it said "Is it unfair to expect bf to help me move when his arm is in a cast?" I read "move" instead of "more", and I thought, yeah, kind of difficult to help someone move when his arm is in a cast...

Sorry.
He is probably in quite a lot of pain, but I agree with you, OP, if he can play video games, he can probably sit with the baby too.

OP, I’d be asking him what he can do, and what his expectations are of you now.

If he can ‘press buttons’ he can do some others things for his own child and himself. Does he have family nearby who can help him?

Bet he can still dress himself and do his ablutions. I have a broken wrist which needed surgery. Yes dh has had to step up but I can still do the dishwasher and other small tasks. He does help me shower but I dress myself. Though I have the use of my right arm which helps. I am fortunate as I have had little pain even after surgery though they gave me some heavy duty painkillers. Give him a week and he should be able to do some things.

I broke my wrist not so long ago and I definitely wouldn’t have been up for ‘sitting with a baby’ two days after the accident! I don’t think you realise how painful this can be (neither did I). I did pretty much nothing but sit at my laptop for hours on end (couldn’t really use my phone one-handed). Everything was difficult - couldn’t dress, cook, open jars, was nervous of falling. Utterly rubbish.
It did mean DH had to do everything which was a trial but I’ve been in the same position when he’s had injuries. I appreciate you already have extra work with having a baby to look after but that’s how single mothers have to manage.

Me too

Surely the baby has a bouncer or a crib they can go in whilst their dad watches over them in the same room

But she isn't a single mother and he can still sit with the baby whilst the baby is in a crib or bouncer

For her? Or is she annoyed he isnt doing anything for their baby

If he can play games with one hand then he can pass her some wipes when she asks 🤦‍♀️

If he can play games, he can do other stuff too. It sounds like he's using his arm as an excuse, especially since his other arm is perfectly fine.

Is he normally an equal partner who does 50% of household and child related jobs? If not, well you’re hoping for a miracle, people don’t change.

Obviously he should be doing all he can. If that’s honestly zero, I’d be ok with that(temporarily) but clearly he can manage to assist you with passing things with his good hand etc, he just doesn’t want to.

I have a fractured arm at the moment. Everything is a struggle but I certainly don't sit there doing nothing. I have 2 legs and one good arm. There are maybe 20% of things I can't do, like opening bottles. But that leaves 80% of things that I can still do. For example it's slower to load the dishwasher with one arm, but it's certainly possible.

Saying that, the first 2 days were the worst and I did sleep more because of the pain, but from day three I was doing most things.

That only applies if you’re married. He can get his thumb out of his arse and do his bit.
I want to know how he broke it? Was he being a dick?

I have a feeling alcohol has something to do with it and that's why OP doesn't have much sympathy.

I wouldn't either, to be fair.

YANBU. I still managed to clean, hoover and cook with a broken ankle and crutches because needs must, you are not even asking him to do anything like that. Holding a baby while seated is nothing, especially if he's managed to play games all day. It can't be that chronically painful if he's shouting at people online and using his controller. The sighing would get right on my tits and I'd rapidly lose any sympathy I might have had.

YANBU he could watch baby while you go for a quick walk or have a bath etc typical man, selfish pricks

Sure she'd have to cope if she were a single mum. But he too would have to find a way to cope if he were a single dad. Why should she suck it up and act like a single mum, when you're not suggesting he should behave as though he was a single dad? Why should only the mum be expected to cope alone?

How much use is he usually? It sounds like the gaming is the issue not the broken arm. He’s being pathetic.