is it unfair to expect bf to help me more when his arm is in a cast

[quietcupboard]

hi everyone this is my first post so please be kind . i’ve lurked for ages but never posted because there’s always something kicking off here and i didn’t want people jumping on me . anyway i’m sat here feeding the baby and i just need to get this out before i lose it

my bf broke his arm on friday . i won’t get into the whole story because i still feel a bit annoyed about it and i don’t have much sympathy if i’m honest . he’s got a big cast on and keeps going on about how sore it is . fair enough but he can still use his other hand perfectly fine . what’s driving me mad is he keeps saying he can’t help with anything because of the cast yet he’s been sat gaming for hours with his headset on like nothing’s wrong . if he can press buttons and shout at people online he can hold a bottle or pass me wipes surely

i’ve been doing every feed every change every bit of house stuff since friday . the baby hardly slept last night and i’m totally done but bf had a two hour nap earlier because apparently the pain made him exhausted . i’m trying not to start a row but i’m getting so resentful . i asked him to just sit with the baby so i could wash up and he sighed like i’d asked him to climb a mountain

i don’t know if i’m being unfair because he is injured but i feel invisible . i don’t have anyone nearby to help so it’s basically just me doing everything while he chats to his mates online

am i being unreasonable to expect him to at least try to help a bit even with the cast on

Erm, mothers are expected to just crack on with parenting literally straight after c-sections which is MAJOR SURGERY, just as or far more painful than a broken arm. And yes, whilst on significant painkillers too. There are some real double standards from some PP in this thread.

OP, YANBU.

I would agree with the PP who suggested having a discussion with your BF to ask what can he do to help manage his baby, because it is still his responsibility. I would be sure to frame it that he’s not “helping out” or “helping you”, he needs to do his share or as close to it as he can manage. One handed tasks could be online grocery shopping, walking the baby while in a carrier (you can help get baby in), playing games with the baby, etc.

For what it’s worth, these kind of conversations are inevitable in parenting and will make you stronger as a couple, but you do both need to learn to argue/discuss calmly and fairly, and learn to actively listen.

How is he supposed to look after the baby when he's in pain and only has one usable arm?

Safety first.

I broke my arm when my DD was 6 months old...I just had to get on with it.

So it sounds to me like your partner did something really stupid and got injured and broke his arm a few days ago.
And He's completely not doing any tiny minor easy household chores (including helping in any way with the baby,) because "I'm hurt"
But he can still do all the things that he wants to do for himself.
So it's a selective "ouchie".
He sounds immature and self-centered.
You had a child with him?
That's too bad.

How did he break his arm? I’m guessing he was twatting about, which is why OP has less sympathy than she might otherwise have.

The same way he's magically able to play his game when he's in pain and only has one usable arm?

So he can't watch the baby safety whilst it's in its crib or bouncer?

OP has asked him to sit with the baby whilst she washes up. It doesn't even sound like the baby is mobile yet!

Why does someone need to pass wipes? Changing a nappy is a single person activity and unless he normally passes the wipes, there is no need to start now. This is about annoyance with how the injury happened, and him being more usually a useless gaming man child, so now even more useless. Otherwise, most reasonable people would accept their partner sitting doing nothing 48 hours post fracture.

I am currently 5 days out from a foot op and my husband is doing 100% of everything. At no point has he asked or suggested that I should be doing anything, and when I have thanked him for taking on everything, he shrugs and says that is what a partner is for. He knows that once I am off crutches, I will gradually start picking things up again. I am exhausted from the pain, I keep nodding off unexpectedly, certainly would not want to be holding a baby. And then at midnight, I am wide awake from pain and desperately want to sleep, but am on MN instead.

I've broken my arm twice, and my shoulder (osteoporosis). The first couple of days I felt very tired. I think the immune system works really hard to start repairing the break and that can wipe you out a bit. After that, I was back to doing everything I usually do, but slower and in need of help to open lids and cans etc. . Benefit of the doubt he could well be feeling unusually tired but then you've got a baby so you're knackered as well .

The OP said she ‘asked him to just sit with the baby so i could wash up‘.

I don’t know why some posters are making shit up now.

He's broken his arm, fair enough, but he's certainly capable of more than nothing, lazy tyke!

Passing things with his arm jolts it? Really heavy things like… baby wipes? Did I miss the part where he only had one arm? If he can play video games and feed himself he can pass the wipes.

I can’t imagine a mum with a broken arm and her partner or anyone here saying no no don’t even touch the baby, don’t pick up the baby wipes, just rest and relax…. If the op had posted I broke my arm and we have a baby aibu to just do nothing for the baby or home at all till I feel better? Posting because my dp asking me to pass him some baby wipes and I just think that’s really uncaring of him…. The responses would be carnage, shredding the op.

I'm assuming the man was in closer reach to the wipes than the OP was, she didn't ask him to get up and go and fetch them for her did she, she asked if he would pass them to her.

And OP hasn't asked him to hold the baby. She's asked him to sit with the baby while she washes up. Surely he's capable of sitting next to his own child whilst their in a bouncer or crib? He's managing to sit in his chair and play games perfectly well

Of course he can do more! Us women take care of babies/go through the agony of breastfeeding often after surgery and several layers being cut open and stitched up, and follow on infections. He can hold the baby.

I'm assuming he broke it doing something stupid/ drunken? I'd be fuming to be honest!! He should do as much as he can. I fractured my hand the week after my third was born - still had to breastfeed etc every couple of hours!