AIBU to have primary-aged children, and not do the elf...

[FlourandFlowers]

AIBU to have primary school-age children and not do the elf or December boxes?

YABU - It's common-place now, and your children will inevitably feel left out tomorrow.
YANBU - Your children will be absolutely fine.

7 and 4 year old here and we don't do it. DH is inherently suspicious of anything new(!), and I also think that it's an absolutely unnecessary extra thing for us to be doing. I can also absolutely guarantee we'd forget, and so that it would in fact be less 'magical' than not doing it at all.

I think it's fine to pick and choose what works for you with these things. We have cloth refillable advent calendars so I do get quite into getting little bits and pieces for those (they both got little Lego people this morning), which I'm sure some people would think is complete overindulgence when you can buy an advert calendar for £1. They both got matching Christmas PJs yesterday - bought off Vinted for a couple of quid a set, and a small investment of my time to find the same pair in two different sizes. They'll wear them until outgrown, like all their other PJs - we often wear Christmas PJs in June in our house! We're going to the panto which is costing a bloody fortune, but I have never ever paid for meeting Santa. But I guess you could look at my family and see the bits we do do and think we go all in for Christmas and that everyone else is doing everything. No one is posting the bits they don't do or that they half-arse on social media!

I think the elf thing has been around for about a decade, hasn't it? So I think all current adults 'coped perfectly well without it'. Though I always hate the argument that it's some sort of achievement or prudence to not buy things that literally didn't exist - 'we didn't waste our money on mobile phones in the 70s!'

The elves is a pain, but they bring my children so much joy that I can't imagine
December without them now.

Yanbu. Each to their own, but the whole concept of the elf doesn’t make me feel Christmassy at all. DC are 12 and 8 and have never asked about it. I don’t think I know anyone who actually does it, other than a previous childminder.

I do the elf but I’m in the minority amongst my mum friends. It’s not as popular as social media makes out imo.

I’ve never done it. I’ve children from ages 5-23. None of them have ever even mentioned an elf.

Oh, actually! My now 12 year old dd had on in her classroom when she was in reception. I got called in as she coloured its eyes in black “to make him blind so he can’t see if we are naughty.”

She’s normal now.

HNRTFT but this rubbish is ridiculous.Advent calendar and Decs mid December along with pantomime is absolutely fine!!

You do you. We had a cloth advent calendar with bits like Christmas hair scrunchies, chocolate coins. As a family or with friends carol singing for charity, helping deliver parcels to the elderly, concerts and carol services So grateful the elf wasn’t a thing when our kids were little. From what I see on social media it seems more about photo opportunities than anything. If you don’t start it you don’t have it to stop.

We do it, all a bit of a laugh really. takes about 2 minutes out of day before go to bed.

10 year old said this year can she help setting Elf up on a night time for her sibling to see in morning which thought was quite sweet.

If you dont do it, its not going to cause some childhood trauma.

By all means don't feel pressured to do it OP. It's meant to be fun, not a chore, and your children certainly won't be 'missing out' on some big tradition

I have to say though, the idea that they cost a lot of money (I've spent more on a fancy hot chocolate) or take more than maybe one minutes thought and effort on an evening is really something

Ours doesn't report on behaviour either, just does funny/cheeky things

5 year olds love 'magic' and they're not little for long

Dont feel bad for not doing it, you're not obliged

But don't get suckered into thinking it's some huge effort either. Do what works for you

Mine are 9 and 11. We’ve never done it.
Advent calendars absolutely
no special breakfast or anything else.
Christmas decs go up around 1st dec. I LOVE Christmas but not that commercial nonsense

We don't do it because i'm the type of person who would need to make it bigger and better and go all out. And it's hard enough keeping on top of the cleaning without adding extra to the list. Plus DH is proper against it, which helps everytime I get weak and think about buying one.

We've never really explained why we don't have it, just that we don't. We laugh about the silly things other peoples elves get upto though.

We do a book advent (with a treasure hunt clue to the book in her advent calendar), chocolate and this year lego. We also do a december 1st box (with new Christmas clothes - jumper, pjs). Adding an elf on top seems overkill :D

Oh god no. It’s just too much to have to add to list of things to do. He has a advent calendar

7 and 8 year old here and we don't do it because the elves only come to houses when santa thinks the children who live there might be naughty to keep an eye on them. So if you don't have an elf, you must be on the good list. You're welcome

The things my daughter tells me her friends' elves get up to definitely take more than a couple of minutes and trying to come up with 24 ideas is my idea of a nightmare. I've got enough to do.

The elf is far too much work. And I don't even know what a December box is. Regular chocolate advent calendars and a tree and some lights in a couple of weeks. That's all.

I'd also say the elf doesn't have to be much work if you don't want it to. I've never spent more than a couple of minutes on the elf personally and I'd never do anything that requires a load of mess/clean up. My kids love it.

That's not to say anyone should feel they have to do it if they don't want to, but just to point out that a low effort version can work pretty well.

The elf is just a bit of fun. It costs nothing but the kids love it.

Our elf doesn't report on behaviour. He arrives on 1st December and brings an advent calendar and does something every night - some nights it's no more elaborate than climbing the Christmas tree. The most well received prank was the night he wrapped the toilet in wrapping paper - it took less than 5 minutes to do.

We don't put anything up on social media - yes, shockingly some parents do fun things for their kids just for the joy of it and not to show off to other people.

You'll always get people that take it to the extreme, but the vast majority of parents pick a pose that takes seconds

A quick Google with bring up lists of hundreds of different ideas

It really does not have to involve very much effort at all. DH makes us a brew to take up to bed and I do the elves. I generally finish first

By all means don't do it. But I find it weird how people try to turn it into this huge ordeal

Its not an ordeal at all. It has however become a thing where people are accused of being miserly if they don't do it. It only takes two minutes, it's magical for your weans, where's your Christmas spirit, it's for the kids, Christmas is about the weans, and on and on. The OP clearly felt she was potentially somehow depriving her kids of something. Its another optional fun thing that has become a tool to make some parents feel smug and superior and a weapon to make others feel shit and lacking.

To be fair, there is ridiculous stuff on SM.

But most people don't have time for that, so it'll only be a tiny percentage of elf activity. Everyone I know keeps it quite simple.

The only answer to this though is to stand firm.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. It really is that simple. No child gets exactly the same as another child, it's not 'missing out', it's just that everyone's experience is different.

I'm a lone parent working full time and practically and mentally I just can't.

I don't agree that it's "just 2 minutes" a day. You have to buy the elf, have the ideas ready and set the thing up. Fine if you want to do it but the idea that anyone could and it's no big effort - well, I feel people underestimate just how little time and bandwidth some parents (especially lone parents) have.

This evening I'll come home from work at 6:30pm, cook our dinner, homework and reading, child in bed for 8:30pm, wash up and ready for tomorrow - that takes me until 9:30. But I've also then got presents to buy and wrap, I've got to ring my mum who is caring for my dad (dementia), I've got to go through the calendar to check I can make various Christmas events, it's my best friend's birthday so I need something for that, I've got to organise an MOT, the list goes on. I'm not exaggerating when I say I do not have 5 minutes a day to do this.

I totally do have time to do it. I don't want to. I think this is fine too!

What’s a December box have I missed something?
Is this like a Christmas Eve box but every day of December? Please say it’s not.