AIBU to have primary-aged children, and not do the elf...

[FlourandFlowers]

AIBU to have primary school-age children and not do the elf or December boxes?

YABU - It's common-place now, and your children will inevitably feel left out tomorrow.
YANBU - Your children will be absolutely fine.

My children are 8 and 5 and we've never done the elf or Christmas Eve boxes. DD is 5, I've a feeling I might get the thumbscrews from her about it but I'll stand firm. Her brother couldn't care less and doesn't even like Santa. Advent calenders (chocolate) are, however, a big tradition. Last year was very difficult as my mum had died and buying them was always her "thing" - even for DH and me.

Nope nope NOPE. DH excitedly came home last week telling me FIL had ordered some elves for "us". I pointed out once he starts it, its got to be done consistently and said he and FIL were more than welcome to administrate said elves but I wouldn't be involved. Elves have been returned or otherwise disposed of, I dont care where or how but they aren't entering our house. We'll do lots of fun Christmas stuff, but no elves.

Yanbu. I once saw an instagram post where someone tipped flour all over their kitchen and did little elfy footprints and decided it wasn't for me.

Yeah. The elf can do one.

Fair play to you.

No we don’t have elves. My kids are 5 and 8, full believers in Santa. I think my eldest knows parents move the elves.
We also have cats which might eat the elves so that’s why they don’t come to us. Shame.
I thought I was going the extra mile for buying a £2 box of Buddy the Elf cereal from B&M for the kids to have tomorrow to be honest.

We do lots of lovely things in the run up to Christmas, but I have a demanding job working 13 hour shifts in a hospice, older parent to help and between that, the kids, school and everything else I don’t have the mental space for it.

Are these friends on social that you saw with the boxes, or people you just follow?

Christmas baking sounds lovely. Traditions you create yourselves will also be much nicer and make better memories than social media trends.

YANBU, we never did either of these things. No elf and Christmas Eve I used to do new pyjamas (not Christmas themed), hot chocolate and The Snowman.

25 days of 'hilarious' pranks that you then have to tidy up. No thanks! Or forgetting and having to make up some excuse. Always seemed to be more about the parents showing off on social media anyway.

I've never done whatever the elf thing is, DD is 8 and I only heard about it for the first time last year. I asked her about it and she had no idea what I was talking about, and nor did any of the other parents in her class. So it's definitely not everywhere! (I'm still not really sure what it is - hiding an elf?)

I'm not a parent and I don't like Christmas much, but it sounds to me that the things you do show genuine warmth, love and care and are much more likely to live on in your children's memories than elf stuff.

No. Don't do it. Once you do it you can't stop. I had years of pressure from my kids for it but resisted. I felt bad for a bit but then reminded myself we do loads of other lovely christmas things and there is no way I wanted to add moving an elf around every night for a month for however many years to my already overwhelming list of jobs. Don't feel bad. Christmas is special enough without the elf.

Didn’t do this for either of my children and they are very happy.
I have seen work colleagues & friends so stressed trying to outdo one another, it’s a complete nonsense. Their children don’t seem that interested tbh.

I don't do it with my primary age DC, if any of their school friends do it the DC haven't mentioned it.

DS1 (9) mentioned the elves from the tui advert looked 'creepy' so probably a good thing an elf isn't popping up in the morning.

YANBU

We have avoided the elf.

When my DC asked if we were going to have an elf coming to stay in our house (I think they were 4 and 8) i was more concerned with shutting down any more talk of the elf and didn't think if the consequences of saying "only naughty children have an elf to stay, to make sure they behave, you aren't naughty"

The consequences? Both children went into school and told all their friends who were boasting about their elves that they were naughty. And that their mum had said so.

Bit awkward at school pick up for a few days...

They’re crap.
My children’s primary school once told all the children in the school that if they made a diorama and bought it in with their elves (one per household) so they could see the children’s “elf houses”, then all the children would be rewarded with an extra reward.
I went to the school and played merry hell with them, not everyone celebrates Christmas, not everyone has an elf, not everyone even LIKES the bloody elf! I basically put it to the school that they were being highly exclusionary and discriminatory. They did not like it, but they did cancel the whole project and now children get the reward on the last day of term regardless. The bloody elf is a stupid thing, and if you read into it, it was actually created by an American mum to force her kids to behave over December. Hilariously it’s NOT a tradition.

Really doesn’t matter. I started doing it 12 years ago when I found the Mumsnet Christmas forum and someone had mentioned it on there. At the time it was an American import so cost me around £35. We still have it now, he’s called Norbert and he’s just become part of the family at Christmas.

My older DC are teens but still enjoy it. Younger DC very much think it’s real still. He brings gifts on the 1st December (just advent calendars, Xmas books, a new tree decoration, Christmas tonie and Christmas gloves for younger DC) and then on Xmas Eve when he leaves.

I didn’t expect it would take off in the way it has, I remember my mum thinking I was barmy at the time moving an elf around every night.

Those of us in our 40s and 50s coped perfectly well without it. I'm sure today's children can also if their parents learn that useful word 'no'.

Ditto Christmas Eve pyjamas.

I did the elf for my youngest daughter (she’s 16 now!) Bought an original branded girl elf, cost a small fortune back then!! Anyway I have a 6 year old boy as well now. I found said elf a few years back. Did the balloon arriving with the elf and various advent calendars when he was about 3/4. Then again the year after…. Last year the elf came on a helium reindeer, with 3 various advent calendars. As I felt pressured by others. Well in about day 3 I found the balloon popped!!! And the elf in the garden!!! Apparently she popped the balloon then jumped out the window as she hated her job. I brought her back in and put her in the Pjamas I’d bought for her. My son came in from school that day, handed me my phone and told me to ring the police. The elf, he said, was stalking him, it’s harassment and he wanted her arrested and sent back to Santa. He said he didn’t need her watching him to be good, so she could leave. After pissing myself laughing I decided that I was going to use the elf to amuse myself, watching my son’s reactions to her. He’s thrown her out windows many times. Put her in the washer. Tried putting her in an envelope with “Santa, North Pole!” Written on it. He has also trapped her in doors, baby gates, fed her to the dog!
This year, totally for my own amusement I’ve bought Miss elf a friend. And something called “frost pips”, which are tiny newborn Elves. I won’t be using her to encourage good behaviour or to bring a treat everyday. But to make some silly memories and have stories to tell my boy when he’s older about his antics with the stalker elf! I also don’t have social media so this is purely just for us! He’s hilarious around it. So, don’t feel bad!!! Not all kids engage with them. Or you could get my situation where for 25 days we have a Tom and jerry spin off! She’s going in his book bag tomorrow…. Bet he leaves her at school lol!!!

Two DC here; we don’t do either.

We do advent calendars (not fancy ones), church services in advent and at Christmas, stockings, a visit to Father Christmas and usually a trip to London to see The Snowman or similar, and the other Christmas school related things like a trip to the panto and the school fair, choosing a tree and decorating it as a family, making homemade Christmas pudding and cake, then maybe a visit to a National Trust house decorated for Christmas.

We don't do it. DS asked last year why we don't have an elf and I said I probably won't remember to move it every night. He looked confused for a moment before realising. If he tells his friends at school I assume I've done the parents a favour.

I’ve never known anyone doing it in real life.

DS1 is 6 and has mentioned it in confusion / longingly at various points since starting nursery. I just go "that's odd, I've no idea why some families have elves visit!" Definitely a few families in his class that do it, but he's not the only one that doesn't.

None of this stuff is necessary.

If you enjoy it and can afford it, knock yourself out - otherwise don’t worry about it.

My children are late teenagers. I very much dislike the over commercialisation and overconsumption which has come to be involved with Christmas so we didn’t do any of it:

No elf
No Christmas boxes
No Christmas PJs or bedding
No Christmas jumpers.
No paying to see Santa
No chocolate advent calendars

Despite this “neglect” 😆 my children love Christmas, which for them is all about spending time with family.

We never threatened them with the “be good or no presents” nonsense either so we also skipped tantrums, over excitement and stress in the weeks before.

You absolutely don’t need to spend excessive amounts of money to have a magical Christmas.

Have a 6 year old and I've never done it. I think it's a bit iffy psychologically to tie presents with being good/bad. And I can't be arsed.

Advent calendars, pjs, baking, visitjng father christmas and some incompetent crafting are all fun