For getting irritated about this?

[Cavapoo22]

I have been with my partner for 2 years, we don’t live together yet but they stay at my house 99% of the time because they prefer being here.

I’m not working at the moment due to several chronic health issues. They work full time.

Apart from this one issue, they are really great and hands on. They sort dinner for everyone (themselves, me, my child and my pet) most days, do 50% of the dog walks, 50% of the school runs, do 99% of the washing up).

The main issue that I’m having is the once a week deep cleanings. Once a week, the house gets a deep clean (everything wiped down, a proper hoover around, bathroom disinfecting). It is quite a big job due to the amount of rooms in the house and can easily take 3-4 hours at a time. My partner only really offers to help hoover around which surprisingly doesn’t take very long at all, it is the wiping down and disinfecting that takes the most amount of time and is the most work physically. They never offer to help with the wiping down and actual cleaning side of things.

I know people will come on here and say “oh, but you don’t work, so you can easily do it” but I suffer a lot with my health. My iron levels for example (due to a chronic health issue which causes heavy blood loss every month) are around 4 and I’m waiting to go in for an iron infusion within the next couple of weeks. Just that alone has meant my energy levels are pretty much non-existent without adding my other health issues into the mix (I also suffer from an incurable joint condition which affects my mobility).

Today, I woke up and looked around the house and how much work actually needed doing (in terms of cleaning) and was on the verge of tears because I just don’t know how I’m going to get it all done. This ended up with me getting quite irritated having to explain it to my partner and how I’m sick of doing the main cleaning (which is the biggest job) every week pretty much on my own when I’m not making the mess on my own every week. They can’t understand my frustration because they think they help out enough pretty much.

AIBU for getting irritated about this and should they be helping out more?

(I have kept it gender neutral because there tends to be double standards on here in regards to females and males!)

They would have to have been seen as living together as a married couple to have been charged.

Sorry you have medicle issues and struggle but if that person wasn't there at all you would be either trying or doing bits your self spread out or using your disabilty benifit (if getting it ) to pay for a weekly cleaner, family member or a friend surley.

You are being v v unreasonable and are coming across very entitled. I would run a mile if I was in your partners shoes, looking after your home/ child/ pet is 100% your responsibility. If you can’t manage you need to call social services.

Considering tou are claiming to be a single parent and will be getting benefits on this basis which you wouldn't be entitled to if you said the truth which is that your family operates as you are together living like husband and wife, then what don't you use the tax payers money to pay for a cleaner weekly?

They would have to have been seen as living together as a married couple to have been charged.

The OP would almost certainly be see be to living together from what she's posted here.

They share housework and care of the child in the home. That is two of the major parts of the considerable.

The OP also describes it as "our household" and is having a strop that their partner doesn't pull their weight with the housekeeping - showing that she sees part of the housework as their job. They live together in every aspect apart from finances

Not a chance I'd be helping with all that lot. You crack on if you think its essential

No they already help out plenty.
What would you do if you didn't have a partner? You would then have 100% of the dog walks, 100% of the childcare and all the washing up.

Where is your child's father if you need more help with them?

Why can't you do a bit of housework each day? So far you have made an excuse it doesn't work for you, but neither does leaving it all to one day which is surely more draining. However it sounds like you want your partner to do this as well as everything else.

As someone else has said, if they are making more mess than you would usually have maybe then you need to reduce the time they stay over so you then have less to do, or you go to theirs instead.

I also think yabu.
If you didn’t have a partner presumably you would have to prepare your own meals and walk your own dog etc.
Where is the children’s father? How much do they care for the DCs?
Why not pay for a cleaner?

So your partner has to work, do all the chores at their own house and many at your house too? When do they get to relax?

Unless I've misunderstood, you are being very unreasonable. He/she does 50% of school runs for your child, not a shared child, yours. 50% of walks for your pet and 99% washing up. They don't live with you, so will have their own house to clean, they still help you with the big clean on your house (as well as caring for YOUR child and pet) but it is not enough.
If I was your partner I'd think you were a cheeky fucker just looking for an au pair so I would be ending the relationship.

You are being very unreasonable and ungrateful. Surprised your poor partner hasn't had their eyes opened to this complaint as to what they are letting themselves in for. No matter how good they are to you, it will never be enough until they do everything for you.

Assuming their 50% of school drop offs are before work, so each day they run your child to school, then work all day, then come home to cook for you all, then do the washing up after you all, then walk your dog 50% of the time. On top of this they also do your hoovering on your big clean day, plus have their own house to tend to, and you still want more!

You should count yourself lucky as if they were not there you would have to do all this yourself. If you want any more help then hire a cleaner. You can't keep putting more and more onto your partner, when do they ever get time for a break

Well then break up with him and do 100% of the cooking, dog walking, cleaning etc by yourself so. Health issue or not you are being very entitled abut this. I have health issues and do 100% of everything myself and I work a full time job.

You’re looking for a carer not a boyfriend

And works full time! Seriously, take your time, do one little bit each day, and your cleaning will be done. You’d have to do the cleaning and everything else if they weren’t there.

YABU and I can't understand how you don't realise this.

To be honest, a partner who insisted on a weekly 'deep clean' would do my head in - I would head off and leave you to it though, I would feel too guilty to hang around and watch you 😁

By schedule do you mean your waiting for your DP to be off work on a weekend? Whilst your schedule sounds like you're sitting on your arse all day.

Your partner of two years works full time, picks up YOUR kid from school half the time, cooks for everyone, walks YOUR dog, hoovers YOUR house and you are complaining. If I were him
I’d tell you to jog on.